From Bad to Worse...UPDATE ON PAGE 2

I definetly think you guys should try counseling. I wouldn't give up so easily.

I am so sorry about what you're going through. It's so hurtful to have physical 'imperfections' pointed out...especially when they're not even imperfections! It happened to me in a past relationship and I developed an eating disorder because of it.

While I think counseling can be helpful, I also think sometimes you can work things out on your own by trying honest, open communication (that's what counseling is about in the first place). If he's complaining about everything, then it sounds like it's more than just YOU...he probably has outside crap that's causing tension. Do some heart-to-heart discussions with him and try to get to the root of the problem. The solution might be more complex than you think, or it could be something obvious.

Before going the divorce route maybe you guys could try counseling and maybe take a vacation together just the 2 of you. Maybe he didnt respond b/c he doesnt know how to talk to you-I know some guys have this problem, they dont talk b/c they dont know how to say it without sounding stupid.

Good Luck, to both of you-I hope that you are able to find happiness either way

I agree with the counseling. Definitely try to go to that if he is willing and work on it before giving up on eachother. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

thats it. ? you just left it at that? you 'think' your getting a divorce but yet you didnt ask him anything further and just took his silence and understood it as a yes....

and this is the man , your husband, you sleep next to everynight....and your a newlywed and yet you cant speak to him in further, or suggest counseling, or confide in a family member, or take a mini vaction with him..... ????


just because he said you have a 'beer-belly' even jokingly doesnt equate to honey i want a divorce. Men say things unknowingly at times.... without realizing how it affects women , sometimes their blunt...im sure IF you do even have a beer belly, he didnt just notice NOW...im sure he wouldve noticed your wedding night? or on your honeymoon?

ur stories dont seem to add up, sorry.... but if ur seriously in that critical of a situation please seek help...the two of you..to save your marriage. good luck

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Posted by luvabul

thats it. ? you just left it at that? you 'think' your getting a divorce but yet you didnt ask him anything further and just took his silence and understood it as a yes....

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I agree. Maybe he just didn't know what to say. Did he actually voice that he wants a divorce? I think you need to talk to him some more to actually see how he is feeling.

I don't think he said that because he wants a divorce....

I am going to suggest a different spin on this -

You keep complaining about his performance - trust me, if my man wasn't good, I'd probably be frustrated and complaining too, so I don't mean that in a bad way.

However, if this is how you feel, then he knows. Everytime he touches you, you cringe without realizing it. When you guys are intimate, he feels you not responding. He feels your frustration.... And, men interpret that immediately as rejection. If a man is not good in bed, then he is not a man. Stupid, yes, but this is how men feel. They define EVERYTHING by their performance and their sexuality.

He feels rejected - so he is ging to respond by putting you down to make you feel rejected too. Hence the beer belly comment. Its a juvenile way of feeling in charge again.

He knows you are unhappy with his sexual performance, already feels like crap, so of course, you are not going to want to be with him anymore. Naturally, you are going to want to divorce him, in his mind.

So, for the sake of pride, he is not going to break down and cry if you mention divorce - he is holding onto the manhood he has left. He may be feeling if you are so unhappy with him, maybe you leaving would be the only thing that will make you happy....He may already sense how unhappy you are, and feel there is really no hope left. He is empty right now.

Counseling is important to hash this all out and really take a look at whats going on....

Please don't be mad when I say that although you are feeling hurt here, you may be responsible for some of this as well. When there are relationship issues, there really is no good or bad guy. There are 2 people responding to each other in ways that are going to pul them further apart from each other if they don't change the patterns...

Good luck!

wow...look out Dr. Phil...Liza is awesome!

I think she hit the nail on the head...

talk to your husband, and get to counseling before any more hurtful comments slip out & any more resentment builds....

I wish you all the best....

hang in there, and we are here for you if you want to talk.

I am so sorry to hear this....I think that perhaps you talk about divorce you should go to couples counseling to work out your issues. You got married for a reason, you just need to find it again. Best of wishes...

FH told me a couple of weeks ago that he was unhappy. To which I replied that I am too. Then there are times we love each other to pieces. That's life and I think that people expect excitement and things they see on TV that aren't real. What's real is that sometimes your significant other can repulse you and then there are other times you can't get enough of them. The vows are good and bad, sickness and health and so on. If I didn't get sick of looking at his mug once in a while then I would seriously think there was something wrong. It's just natural. And the first year of marriage is the hardest. Try going to see a councelor and maybe you can work things out. Good Luck hun!

I've read the most recent replies...

luvabul: you're right, there are things missing. I wanted to get it off my chest and i didn't want to bore you all with EVERY detail. I gave what I thought were the highlights to give a general feel for my issue. You're also right that I haven't spoken to family. It's very embarrassing to look at your family who spent THOUSANDS of dollars on your wedding and say, 'hey, we're not getting along and we might get divorced' even if the D-word is premature. That is why I came here. I hope you understand.

lipglossjunky73: you're right also. Relationships of any kind are complex, and many times we don't 'fight' about what we're 'fighting about'... we carry feelings from something previous and let in out when something small happens. We have a lot of work ahead of us (and I do mean WORK) if this is going to be a good marriage.

JIFFY: you're right also. I married this man, to be by his side through the good and the bad.

I'm not giving up on us. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I jumped the gun to use the D-word. But I was very hurt and very lost.

We've started talking CALMLY AND RESPECTFULLY. It's hard. I won't live in a toxic marriage, but I also will not give up on us. I refuse to be the 'pam anderson/kid rock' of LIW

We've also started researching counselors in our neighborhood. We might even be going away for a weekend together in December.

I will keep you all posted.

Thank you all for your time, replies, and good wishes.

i really wish you the best. communication is so important and it seems like that might be the underlying problem of many of your issues. counseling will likely help.

good luck!!!

I for the best for you and your husband. I hope you 2 both find what you need in life.. everything happens for a reason. Whatever the outcome, thats what was meant to be. Best of luck and you can FM me anytime to vent.

We've also started researching counselors in our neighborhood. We might even be going away for a weekend together in December.

I will keep you all posted.

Thank you all for your time, replies, and good wishes.

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Happy to hear you are looking for a counselor to have a third party help out! Good Luck!

I wish you teh best of luck.

The first year of marriage is the hardest. I am going through it now- we have never lived together. so although we are together for 7+ years, it is like getting to know each other again. it had its good and bad moments in the beginning, we got through them and now they are mostly good moments.

I hope the good moments come out for the two of you soon, u both deserve happiness..