My two FSIL's have told me they are planning to wear black to the wedding. The church is at 2:30 PM and both sisters will be doing readings so it will be very obvious to all in attendance who they are. I understand that now a days wearing black to a wedding is much more acceptable than it used to be however as much as I try not to feel bothered or insulted, I know I will be. I feel that because they are close and will be prominent as readers at church that there is some sort of hostility (although unintentional) behind it. My FH and I are very close with his sisters so I was so shocked when they let me know they were going to wear black. I would not care if other guests wore black, but I think very close family on either side should not. To me it sends a negative message. I asked my FH to speak to his sisters. So far he spoke to one and she said she would 'try' to find another outfit.
Should I speak to them or just leave it with him speaking to one of them? Should he call the other sister just to cover all bases?
jennandrob
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
I'd let it be. Honestly, I heard all about black attire when my MIL decided to wear it to our wedding. Come the day of, it didn't matter one bit.
Don't let it stress you out
engaged&excited
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
Its hard to say without knowing all the details of your situation and relationship with them, but I personally dont understand at all why it is a problem for them to wear black. It really doesnt matter to me what color anyone else wears (although I can see why wearing white isnt a great idea). Some people are just more comfortable in black and I doubt most people would even think that it wasnt OK to wear it. I certainly wouldnt notice or think it was weird if someones readers wore black at all and I notice everything wedding related. I just wouldnt think that it was something worth creating tension over when you are about to become a part of their family...but good luck with whatever you decide to do:))
csui25
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
I feel the same way about close family/bm wearing black to a wedding and I would be UPSET! I think it is ok for you to explain why you feel the way you do and request they wear another color.
snydl40
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
I don't care if anyone wears black-that's just me though. We love black and if our guests want to wear-so be it.
XFINALLYX
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
i wore black to most weddings that i've been to. the dresses were always prettier. i dont see the problem
LBride
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
My mom wore black to my brother's wedding, as did my aunts and 2 cousins and they all looked great! Some people, me included, don't feel comfortable in bold colors. My mom got so many compliments on her dress, no one questioned why she chose to wear black. I say just let it go. As brides, we get a say in our dress and the BM dresses, nothing else! ( IMO)
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
I don't understand. What's the big deal?
jennandrob
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
Posted by LaurenluvsTJ
I don't understand. What's the big deal?
I believe 'back in the day' when a close member of the family wears black to a wedding, it is considered they are unapproving of the union.
i102bcute
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
I think wearing black is no big deal. My mom's dress is black with a very pretty sequence on it. It's so elegant. I wouldn't change it because it's black.
ahall04
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
I would be fine with people wearing black to my wedding. I have seen some brides who choose black dresses for the BM's! I can understand that this is a concern to you, just think in the grand scheme of things, is this something you want to stress out over???
newnybride2be
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
To me, people wearing black to a wedding is not that big of a deal. But this will be your wedding and if you would rather them not wear black, then I think you need to say something.
ncd623
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
Honestly, in the scheme of things who really cares??? Everyone wears black, every store you go in most of the dresses are black, and I think it bears no meaning what so ever. Let it go.
tiffandmatt
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
I know how you feel. I love to wear black, however I have never been a huge fan of wearing black to wedding. I know that black is very elegant looking. But when I think of weddings, I think of bright, cheerful, and cool, colors, especially when it is for a spring or summer wedding. Black seems so hot and winter looking.
When it comes down to it, you can't control what color people choose to wear to your wedding. If they found a dress they love in blackk, I really don't think that there is much you can do about it. They are porbably not doing it on purpose to annoy you. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
lisad117
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
Honestly, I think that it is a bit rude to tell someone what they can/can't wear to your wedding. Some people are not comfortable in bold colors and at my wedding I would say that about 3/4 of the women if not more had black on including one of my readers.
If you have a good relationship with them and you know its not something they are doing to be mean then I would let them wear whatever they want. Isn't it more important that they are going to be there and be part of your day?
SwissMiss06
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
If you're Ok with them wearing black, I feel your guests will be OK with them wearing black. I've chosen my BM dresses in black because the color is more flattering to most of my BMs. My mom is leaning towards a dress with a black skirt and FMIL told me last night she found an irridescent black/deep green dress for herself to wear. I'd rather everyone feel comfortable and beautiful than force them to wear something they don't like.....
butterfly20
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
if it bothers you that much , perhaps they could wear one outfit to the ceremony, and wear the black outfit for the reception?
M&LSept1606
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
I don't think it's a big deal. I actually wanted my FMIL to get a black dress when we went looking. Black is classic and elegant. It's not really how it used to be. This is 2006! and you can't really control what other people want to wear. JMO
April Liane
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
I'm making my family wear black .... my mom's been fighting me every step of the way. I don't think they are doing it to be mean... I wear black to every event. At least you won't look back at your pictures and say 'I can't believe we used to wear those ugly colors?'
October Bliss
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Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed
My aunt/godmother is doing a reading at my wedding and she is wearing black. She has a very beautiful dress and she asked if I wanted her to buy something else. I told her not to bother. My ceremony is in the afternoon on the water.
