FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

Original post by XsoontobemarriedX

Jul 07, 2006 11:33 PM

My two FSIL's have told me they are planning to wear black to the wedding. The church is at 2:30 PM and both sisters will be doing readings so it will be very obvious to all in attendance who they are. I understand that now a days wearing black to a wedding is much more acceptable than it used to be however as much as I try not to feel bothered or insulted, I know I will be. I feel that because they are close and will be prominent as readers at church that there is some sort of hostility (although unintentional) behind it. My FH and I are very close with his sisters so I was so shocked when they let me know they were going to wear black. I would not care if other guests wore black, but I think very close family on either side should not. To me it sends a negative message. I asked my FH to speak to his sisters. So far he spoke to one and she said she would 'try' to find another outfit.

Should I speak to them or just leave it with him speaking to one of them? Should he call the other sister just to cover all bases?

augustbride12 Posted: Jul 08, 2006 12:59 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

I would try not to worry too much about this one. I don't think too many people will even really notice what the readers are wearing - they'll be looking at YOU and your FH!!! I also think that black is very elegant, and as long as they're not wearing pants! or something like that, it's not insulting.

Good luck!

sarahradio5 Posted: Jul 08, 2006 01:09 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

my mom's wearing black, and I don't mind. Maybe they can add a flower to their dress or a colorful accessory to dress it up. I personally always feel more comfortable (and thinner) in black... I don't think it's a big deal. Maybe they can wear a corsage to liven it up?

FallBride05 Posted: Jul 08, 2006 01:33 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

Both my SIL's and my mother wore black....I did not care whatsoever... I was too busy enjoying being the bride to worry about what color they were wearing

XsoontobemarriedX Posted: Jul 08, 2006 01:43 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

Thank you for all the advice and opinions.

I don't think wearing black to a wedding is any big deal except for the close family members. Except for immediate family.

I see many of the brides on this site don't mind that close family members wear black.

I might not have minded quite so much, if my FSIL's had just done it without telling me. I would have been surprised, but I think I would have been more concerned with everything else on our wedding day. The fact that they told me before sort of feels like they were feeling me out. But I could be wrong.

If they decide to not wear black, I would be really happy. If they wear black, I'll just shrug and try not to let it bother me.

JIFFY Posted: Jul 08, 2006 01:58 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

Posted by engaged&excited

Its hard to say without knowing all the details of your situation and relationship with them, but I personally dont understand at all why it is a problem for them to wear black. It really doesnt matter to me what color anyone else wears (although I can see why wearing white isnt a great idea). Some people are just more comfortable in black and I doubt most people would even think that it wasnt OK to wear it. I certainly wouldnt notice or think it was weird if someones readers wore black at all and I notice everything wedding related. I just wouldnt think that it was something worth creating tension over when you are about to become a part of their family...but good luck with whatever you decide to do:))

I have to agree. You are going to become part of thier family so why cause tention? I say pick and choose your battles. Some are worth fighting and some you should just let it be. In my personal opinion I would let it be. Good Luck!

kathrynlinton Posted: Jul 08, 2006 03:41 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

Yeah...I don't think it is a big deal.

I wore black my SIL's wedding. I have olive skin and dark hair and black looks good on me.

In fact, I think it is kind of a 'New York' thing. A lot of people wear black b/c it is very formal. I think like 2/3rds of our guests wore black!

Don't stress out about that type of stuff.

NY031978 Posted: Jul 08, 2006 04:58 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

id be more upset if ppl wear white.......black is totally fine...heck thats what i will have on next weekend at my cousins wedding!

sarahthegreat Posted: Jul 08, 2006 05:06 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

i'd let it be. for my sisters wedding our aunt did a reading a wore a goregous black dress. no one thought any ill of it.

N.Y.bride Posted: Jul 08, 2006 05:21 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

There are so many more things to be worrying about than the color of what your guests are wearing. I think you should not worry about it. I doubt anyone will notice or care.

JPC1125 Posted: Jul 08, 2006 05:29 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

I dont see why you are upset

If they mentioned it to you beforehand, its pretty obvious they arent doing it to hurt you....
if they showed up with a veil over their face...now THAT would be a sign of hostility and dissaproval!

ant n tilde Posted: Jul 08, 2006 06:58 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

i completely understand why you would be upset - i come from a very italian family and if anyone wore black it would be taken as a sign that they didn't want the marriage to occur

but - as you can see - most people don't think like that so i wouldnt want to cause any tension around the wedding day

don't worry - everyone will be looking at how gorgeous you are instead of them in their boring black dresses!!!

Mandyin2007 Posted: Jul 09, 2006 12:13 AM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

I would let it alone as well. It's just clothing. If they said to you, 'We are wearing black because we feel like our brother marrying you would be his death.' then you should be insulted. (Sorry, Gave same example to my mom who is going to wear black to my wedding and was afraid it was inappropriate.)

I'm sure they aren't doing it out of spite. Black is very flattering on all figures and maybe they can't afford another outfit.

MichLiz213 Posted: Jul 09, 2006 04:58 PM

Re: FSIL's wearing black? Advice needed

Posted by NY031978

id be more upset if ppl wear white.......black is totally fine...heck thats what i will have on next weekend at my cousins wedding!

My thoughts exactly. I got a beautiful black dress for my cousin's wedding in August, and I plan to find some accessories with color. I understand being stressed about them telling you beforehand, but I wouldn't worry too much. Don't let it bother you! There are more important things to worry about that day!