further proof that I am mental
(as if we needed any)
The bomb has taken over full financial responsibility for our family.
He is paying all the bills (mine and his) paying our rent, taking care of all expenses (necessary and frivilous) and all he is asking in return is that I bank my entire paycheck.
I will never have to pay another bill. But I will have to tell him everything I buy. Everytime I pull out my debit/credit card.
We are both on an allowance for lunch and stuff for the week which is very generous...I am being cared for and taken care of in a way that I've never really experienced. We are on the road to the most elusive kind of security for me...financial (second only to emotional in my world)
and yet, I feel the all-to-familiar tightness of anxiety in my chest.
I am afraid on one side that I will be a drain on him...that my bills are too exhorbitant, my needs to great...my beloved coffee too expensive...and that I will fail us in some way
and, I am afraid that I will be second to him. that my independence is somehow compromised...and I have to ask permission.
Now he has in no way made me feel like this...but that doesn't seem to stop me...
I am hoping that as things get up and running and any kinks are worked out...I'll feel more comfortable being a bought woman![]()
and maybe for once actually being comfortable, confident, and secure that I am getting exactly what I want.
The bomb has taken over full financial responsibility for our family.
He is paying all the bills (mine and his) paying our rent, taking care of all expenses (necessary and frivilous) and all he is asking in return is that I bank my entire paycheck.
I will never have to pay another bill. But I will have to tell him everything I buy. Everytime I pull out my debit/credit card.
We are both on an allowance for lunch and stuff for the week which is very generous...I am being cared for and taken care of in a way that I've never really experienced. We are on the road to the most elusive kind of security for me...financial (second only to emotional in my world)
and yet, I feel the all-to-familiar tightness of anxiety in my chest.
I am afraid on one side that I will be a drain on him...that my bills are too exhorbitant, my needs to great...my beloved coffee too expensive...and that I will fail us in some way
and, I am afraid that I will be second to him. that my independence is somehow compromised...and I have to ask permission.
Now he has in no way made me feel like this...but that doesn't seem to stop me...
I am hoping that as things get up and running and any kinks are worked out...I'll feel more comfortable being a bought woman
