Future In-Laws are so uninterested (kinda long)

From reading other in-law horror stories, I suppose I should be happy.

It hit me yesterday that his parents really could care less about this wedding. They don't have a close-knit family (he's an only child) and his parents don't really speak to their brothers and sisters. They have never been in/to a wedding like this. So there are a lot of things they don't really understand like the concept of a registry or a bridal shower.

The first time we saw them after the engagement, I had pictures and information ready for his Mom, expecting that she was going to be full of questions like my Mom is. They asked 'how is the planning going?' like it was expected that they ask. I gave an average length answer, expecting them to ask me specific questions. But they didn't. That was the end of the conversation.

Yesterday, FH announces that his Mom's friend isn't coming to the shower. Since his Mother doesn't have a driver's license, and since his Father usually works on Sunday, guess who would be expected to drive her? But he's supposed to be driving ME and it's supposed to be a surprise. She has never come out with us, without his father, in 7 years. So if she's with us, it will be totally obvious that I know about the shower. And besides, what a PITA it is to drive all the way in to pick her up and then bring her home when it's all done (about 3 hours out of our way) for someone that sounds like she doesn't even want to go!

She hasn't gotten a dress for the wedding yet, they offered to book the limos but when we gave them the list with names/times/addresses, they start changing things on us (to make it cheaper for them but more inconvenient for us), and I just get the feeling that they would rather just stay home and not get involved.

I guess just have to be really thankful for my family and my mother. Not only have they been so interested and so helpful, but they have adopted my FH and are genuinely happy for us.

The vindictive part of me wants to see her reaction at the shower and both of theirs at the wedding, when they see what a family should be like.

When his grandmother was alive, she had enough love and acceptance for all of them. But she's been gone for a while now, and I miss her terribly. She was the only person in his family that I felt completely accepted by.

Thanks for listening to me vent. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it psychologically? I try to tell myself that I don't care but deep down, I really do. It means something when your in-laws are happy for their son, and for you.

I'm so sorry. I can relate to how you feel. My FH's family has never been involved in a wedding like a LI one either, which I thought would make them be over-interested, but I was wrong. For a long time I felt that my FMIL was only interested in two things - how SHE was going to look that day, and who SHE could invite to the wedding and what WE are going to feed them. I got insulted very early on, to the point that my FH has had to address the situation twice. The first time, she didn't change her lack of interest. The second time, something must have clicked because now she is wanting to know and do more things. I even found out that she is throwing me a shower, which is a huge shock. Granted, she still doesn't talk to me much about what's going on with the wedding (she only talks to FH about it) but it's a step in the right direction. Maybe he can address it with his family? My family sounds much more like yours...and I know how hard it is to adjust to a family that is so different when it comes to things like this.

My mom seems disconnected from the whole process as she is in NC....often FH thinks she doesn't care because she isn't calling all the time...so in a way, I feel your pain even though everyone around me does care...but my mom knows she can't be of much help, so she doesn't bother calling to ask about it. I'm ok with that, FH isn't. side note: he's concerned that my family isn't more involved, but he's been just as UN-involved as they have!!!

Maybe they just don't want to intrude too much. I know with my FH his mom doesn't want him to feel like she's nagging him, even outside of the wedding, whereas my mom says it's her job as a mother to nag me Although I know my mom is making a point to back off a little with the wedding planning because she wants to make this as pleasant as possible for me, and avoid as many arguments as possible.

It's also a huge generational gap. My parents have been on LI for 25 years, my older brother got married on LI, and they still can't believe what needs to go into this and how much $$$ it is. The only reason they know anything is because I tell my mom everything - otherwise I don't know if she'd even think to ask how everything is going or if I need any help.

Mine's not that extreme but I know what you're saying with the 'they ask about it because it's polite' At least you have people who DO really care, just try to focus on them

Awww. I am so sorry to hear this. It must be rough dealing with people like this... especially since they are going to be your in-laws. The only advice I can give you is to not even push the issue. You cant make someone become interested. They are what they are, and that is the way they want to be. - Maybe they are acting this way because they feel it is not their place to get involved. Who knows? People have their reasonings for everything. Thankfully your family isn't like this. Im sure your FH appreciates everything your family has done to make this wedding happen. Hes marrying into a family like yours... thats what his life is missing, and you & your family are are filling that empy hole.

Enjoy your wedding. You cant control other peoples emotions or actions. Remember, your wedding day is about you & your FH. Dont let bad vibes from other people get you down. You waited your whole life for this day. Embrace it.

i can relate, but just be happy that your mother is involved. My mother is the disinterested one and my FMIL has been great! And let me tell you... having your own mother not interested feels a lot worse than your FMIL not being interested.

I'm not trying to down play your feelings or anything because you have a right to be upset about it. I'm just saying... it could be worse.

Thanks everyone!

I'm just going to suck it up and like you said, be thankful that at least my family is supportive and happy for us. My FH has always said that his parents are very selfish, and this just shows how bad. Since he's an only child, they'll never experience this again, but that doesn't seem to faze them.

Whenever I hit any rough patches, I try to look on the bright side and be happy for what I *do* have, not negative about what I *don't* have. We'll be seeing them on Sunday, I know this will all be in the back of my mind but once the subject is dropped then I'll leave it alone.

Thanks again!!

Good luck with everything!