Im going crazy here. My future mother and Law doesnt like me. Im not sure where to seat her so that she doesnt say anything to insult my family like she has in the past....any ideas?
Oh how horrible for her to disrespect your family! Why doesn't she like you? Usually your family is on one side of the room, and his on the other so hopefully she wi8ll keep her trap shut. Why doesn't your FI tell his mom to shut up! Good luck
He has tried to tell her to be quiet, she makes all these Italian comments, thats good that she will be on the other side of the room. She doesnt like me because she thinks im taking her son away from her
Kimberlle, i feel so bad for you, sh'es one of those Italian women that feel no woman is ever good enough for her son. She needs to get a life of her own, and butt out of yours and your future husbands!
actually IM the Italian One. She's German. She told me that she didnt know me well enough to ever have me call her mom. I gess to her im not good enough , but to my FI i am so what else matters right? She needs to butt out. We have tried to be nice about it but it doesnt work. So its one night and im sure if she says anything she will embarres herself not me. thanks for listening
KimberleeG, first let me give you a big hug cuz I bet you need it! What a terrible thing to deal with **HUGS**
Now that thats done, heres my 2 cents. As much as you may hate this you really should seat her in the same place of honor you would seat her if you had a good relationship, and do your best to ignore her. I recently went to a wedding where the mother-of-the-groom was sat in the back by the kitchen, and it really made the bride look bad. None of the guests know the history, but they will notice the seating!
Your best defense is to not give her anything more to complain about!
KimberleeG,
That is an awful attitude for her to have, shame on her! I have to agree though, with what Valenia said about seating her in the proper place. At most weddings I have been to there are 2 head tables, 1 is for the bride's family, 1 for the grooms. As hard as it may be, seat her at the head table on her side. You will come across as being the better person, and hopefully her family will tire of her complaining and tell her to SHUT UP!! hehe :-)~
Along the lines of the advice to go overboard with propriety and kindness - you mentioned that she feels you are taking her son away from her. Maybe some additional effort needs to be made to change that perception. Maybe Fi could make a point of taking her to lunch or dinner and mentioning that you encouraged it, or the two of you could make a point of taking her out for a special day - maybe to a show or dinner or brunch. Is she alone, or is Fi`s Dad still in the picture? If he`s not around, she may really be feeling abandoned and may just need some extra attention right now.
It`s tempting to want to feel that the wedding is all about the two of you, but it really involves a lot of family dynamics that can be a real challenge to handle. I hope the situation improves for you!
Good luck!!!
If you are able to, try to realize that in many ways how we handle situations with wedding problems is helpful in how we handle these same dynamics in the future whether it is future in-laws, money issues with your hubby-to-be and many other situations. She may very well never change how she is but you can try your best to feel good about your own behavior. Good luck and try to respond to her and not react.
My FI Father Has passed away recently as well as my Father. So Im sure she is feeling a sense of abandonment but she only wants to spend the time with my FI, not me. Something we have to work on. I dont think she can have it both ways ALL the time. shes not very friendly so it makes it difficult to even try to get close to her
Your FI has to explain that he is now in a committed partnership for the rest of his life and that if it includes him, it includes you too. If this woman were at all smart she would embrace you and invite you into the family with open arms. My MIL is so wonderful to me and all of her other 3 sons` wives/girlfriends. We love to spend time with her and go to movies together, shopping, play games, etc. If she were nice, she could have this too, but if she is not she will only alienate the both of you and be more alone than ever! It really is a shame. But on the day of your wedding, be sweet and everyone will know it`s her problem, not yours. I`m sure she would not want to make herself look like a fool in front of all of her family. If the two families need to be distant from one another, it certainly is possible not to have any interaction at all. Good luck. If she doesn`t come around, it`s her loss.
