future mother in law

mares2000 Posted: Apr 16, 2009 06:01 PM

future mother in law

Does any one has issues with their future mother in law and if so how are you dealing with them?

Lsorrent Posted: Apr 16, 2009 07:48 PM

Re: future mother in law

I've said it before, but my FMIL can be Marie Barone's (from Everybody Loves Raymond) sister She has a tendency to be intrusive and condescending, and is the queen of the guilt trip, but she really does do it all out of good intention. She often just doesn't go about things the right way.

I just vent to FH or my mother about it, because FH certainly thinks she's crazy too. But she's never gotten SO out of hand that I couldn't deal.

mares2000 Posted: Apr 16, 2009 08:37 PM

Re: future mother in law

it's tough for me because one minute he cant stand her and the next he wants me to drop everything and talk to her and I am like how can I 'hang out' with someone who treats you bad

asg450 Posted: Apr 16, 2009 08:42 PM

Re: future mother in law

I have a pretty good relationship with my FMIL, but she does have her Marie Barone moments as well. She is just like Lsorrent's FMIL; she loves to play the guilt trip on us.

I have more moments when we get along than with us fighting; so I'm grateful for that. But she can speak before thinking and it can be really frustrating. I've known her for almost 9 years so I know how to handle her, but right now I have to watch the way I respond to her because she is paying for half of our wedding. So I can't be an ungrateful brat but it doesn't give the right to say stupid things either.

For me the best thing to do is to keep smiling and just ignore the comments.

mares2000 Posted: Apr 16, 2009 08:45 PM

Re: future mother in law

I have been trying to ignore the comments a lot more then I have. He just wants her imput on things and I am like she is only paying for 2 things while we are paying for the rest.

I want his imput on things and not hers since he is my FH and not her.

jussie82 Posted: Apr 16, 2009 09:03 PM

Re: future mother in law

yes esp lately and I am just trying to tune her out and hold my tongue

asg450 Posted: Apr 16, 2009 09:03 PM

Re: future mother in law

Posted by mares2000

I have been trying to ignore the comments a lot more then I have. He just wants her imput on things and I am like she is only paying for 2 things while we are paying for the rest.

I want his imput on things and not hers since he is my FH and not her.

I completely understand what you mean. Since you two are paying for the rest of the wedding then you can voice your thoughts. Don't keep it all inside; you'll end up blowing up on everyone and that won't be good.

Have you tried to explain this to your FH? Or when she gives her input, just tell her thank you for the advice and that you'll put it into consideration; even though you really don't care for her advice and you won't really be putting any thought to what she's said.

Lsorrent Posted: Apr 16, 2009 09:09 PM

Re: future mother in law

Posted by asg450

Posted by mares2000

I have been trying to ignore the comments a lot more then I have. He just wants her imput on things and I am like she is only paying for 2 things while we are paying for the rest.

I want his imput on things and not hers since he is my FH and not her.

I completely understand what you mean. Since you two are paying for the rest of the wedding then you can voice your thoughts. Don't keep it all inside; you'll end up blowing up on everyone and that won't be good.

Have you tried to explain this to your FH? Or when she gives her input, just tell her thank you for the advice and that you'll put it into consideration; even though you really don't care for her advice and you won't really be putting any thought to what she's said.

I agree with this. My parents are paying for the wedding, not FH's, so needless to say, my parents get more say than FH's parents. However, they do have suggestions, recommendations, etc. Some I've taken, others I have not. But remember that she IS part of the wedding too....it's not just you getting married, but also her son. I knew once we got engaged that FH's parents would want to be involved because it's the first of their three kids getting married. Not only that, but he may be the ONLY of the three kids getting married (sister is 31 and still single, brother is only 23 but loving the single life, and as he puts it, he 'doesn't want to put someone through the angst of his family' ).

Finally, while my parents are paying for the wedding, FH's parents are paying for our HM, so we REALLY HAVE to be nice

mzmahagony Posted: Apr 16, 2009 09:24 PM

Re: future mother in law

I have a good relationship with mine, she is the one who introduced us actually. she met me and thought i would be perfect for her son. But whenever she starts getting intrusive or demonstrates negativity I just nod and smile..lol

MC127 Posted: Apr 16, 2009 10:05 PM

Re: future mother in law

I have no problems with my FMIL. She sees me like I am her daughter and I see her like a second mother. In the beginning of our relationship, I felt that she was too needy on FH but she has calmed down a lot now.

MarjorieFrank Posted: Apr 16, 2009 10:07 PM

Re: future mother in law

Mine annoys me sometimes, but I know I could have it MUCH worse. She is uber moody and takes it out on her family, which makes her a terror to be around. Ever since I've known her, I feel like she's going through menopause. I guess it's a permanent menopause She likes me though, so it's all good.