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Future SIL ?

Wifeynella Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

Posted by xo09xo

Ok, so tonight I find out from one of my future SIL that the other future SIL is upset she is not a BM. This SIL is not even my FH sister, she is married to his brother. I mean this really pisses me off. So now I feel bad!! Can anyone suggest how we can include both SIL in our Ceremony? We are getting married at our RH. Any suggestions?



I can sorta see why she'd be upset. She will be a part of your family. If you are having readings, maybe have her do a reading. Is she talented in some way (sings, writes, paints, etc.) maybe have her show them off during the ceremony.
MrsInglima Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

Honestly, if she's not blood related to your FH, I don't see what the big deal is. You really shouldn't have to go out of your way.

Should you still feel compelled to, if there's a reading that needs to be done in the ceremony she could always do that.
mosh424 Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

I would have her do a reading or if you are getting married in a church have her bring the gifts up with maybe if you have a BIL thaT isn't in the wedding party

MrsC2010 Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

honestly, i wouldn't include her just because you feel guilty. if you want to include her in the ceremony than do so but not bc she is making you feel bad....maybe she can do a reading....even if its not religious you can have her read some type of poem, etc.

xo09xo Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

pa56 Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

Posted by xo09xo

I don't even see what the big deal is, she is not blood related. If she were there would be no question about it!! The thing is, I was warned she would be angry. She did this to my other future SIL as well.


If that is the case, then clearly she has issues. This isn't her wedding and she really has no say in the way things are done!

But... since you guys will be family you may not want unnecessary tension. It's up to you, but it may be worth it to have her participate in some way (like the others said, she can do a reading).
MeaganAndJoeC Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

Even if she was a blood SIL I dont think she should make it obvious that she cares. She can be involved through a reading for to hand out programs or something like that. To be honest I did not invite My BIL into my wedding party and I dindt have to thnk twice about it .

Its your wedding remember that !
Kimbalina Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

If you do things out of guilt,,, you might regret it... trust me

RackyMo21 Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

my fh has 2 brothers. i put both their wives in. saves the drama. i just did not want to be put in the same situation u r in.

would it really be a big deal to put her in?
do u really not want her in? if u dont then fine dont ask her. but if its not that big of a deal just dont even let ur self get stressed out over it n ask her.
sharivera Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

Posted by pa56

Posted by xo09xo

I don't even see what the big deal is, she is not blood related. If she were there would be no question about it!! The thing is, I was warned she would be angry. She did this to my other future SIL as well.


If that is the case, then clearly she has issues. This isn't her wedding and she really has no say in the way things are done!

But... since you guys will be family you may not want unnecessary tension. It's up to you, but it may be worth it to have her participate in some way (like the others said, she can do a reading).


ITA...she has issues...give her something to read and call it a day. the last reason you want someone in the bridal party is because they made you feel bad..and vice versa..does she really want to be a in BP knowing the only reason is beaause she caused a stink?!?!? ISSUES!!!
AR31 Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

my SIL (DH's bro's wife) made it loud and clear that she was extremely disappointed in not having a defined role at the wedding.. but the thing was that she never called to see if we needed help, we had year between our engagement and wedding, and she never, ever thought it would be nice to offer help atleast on the day of.. our friends, our brothers and our parents were all busy doing things on the day of.. and several people noticed how selfish she acted.. so I made sure MIL knew why both DH and I didn't want her involved anyway b/c she wouldn't do it..

so it all depends on how she is with you and how your relationship with her is..
JACK808 Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

You are not obligated in any way to include her. She'll get over it.

MichJhovi Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

Honestly, in my opinion, I would be happy if someone did NOT ask me to be in their wedding. To be a BM is a big commitment and most times costs a lot of money. I would be happy just being recognized as a special part of that person's life (like if they said I love you to pieces but don't want a million BMs). I don't see why people love being in weddings? maybe it's just me.

AngeeM Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

My FH has 3 sisters and I'm only having 2 as BM's. For a few reasons- don't want to get too into detail about it I'm working on letting it go. But I am thinking about asking her to do a reading for us or something, just because she will be family and the siblings on both sides are involved in the wedding and I don't want to leave her out. I think that you could probably have her do something like that but don't do it out of guilt. Only if it's something you feel you want to. It's a decision you need to make with your FH.

dedecakes Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

I guess it all depends on how close you are...but judging from the post, it sounds like you barely hang out. Don't do anything out of guilt. And if your first gut reaction was not to ask her to be a BM, then I would stick to it. I dont think it's going to make her feel any better if you ask her. She's going to know you did it out of guilt. Like other posters said, I would include her in the wedding some other way.

KerriJohnS Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

She can do a reading or bring the gifts up.

I don't know what else. that's all I have.
xo09xo Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

We originally did not plan on having any readings at the ceremony. The ceremony is at the RH and will be about 20 minutes long. I may have both SIL share in that one reading so no one feels left out. It might be for the best, that way everyone is happy!! Thank you for all of your comments.

FinallyMrsB18 Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

do you think she would be insulted if you asked for her help for things? she could be in charge of super important things, like bringing the unity candle for the ceremony, the petal baskets, etc??

MsPotterhead Posted:

Re: Future SIL ?

I had my now SIL in the wedding. At first I wasn't going to ask her - she was DH's brother's fiance (now his wife), but now I am so glad I did. She is family now. Seriously, the only thing she has to do is wear the dress and show up. If it will make her happy, why not ask? The people you are closer with are the ones that will be surrounding you. She will just wear the dress, walk down the aisle, and everyone will be happy. She'll be in bridal party pictures, but I only have 2 pics of the full bridal party in the album. I know it seems like a huge deal now, but later on, it won't. I'd just ask her.

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