Getting Cold Feet...

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Posted by nov04LIbride

Well, I too was having doubts, and my mom said to me pick the three most important things for you to find in a partner. Now pick the one most important one, and be happy if you get that. No one is perfect, and if having your husband spend a great deal of time at home with a regular 9-5 is most important to you, know that that might not be him. But, if your most important thing is something else, put it all into perspective. If your biggest problem is that you don't see him enough, be happy that you are still happy when you do see him!

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I second that!

I am getting married in a few months and there are days when I start to let the doubts weave into my thoughts. I think it's absolutely normal, and I have to give you credit for bringing this topic to the boards. Sometimes when I am reading posts about how crazily happy some future brides are, I start to get nervous. I start to think because I'm not always gazing into his eyes and thinking that he is an adonis that I'm doing the wrong thing. The truth is is that I love him very much and I am lucky to have him, but that does not mean that I am blind to the problems we encounter.
I guess none of us have the answers for you bebalina, but you do have the answer, even if you don't know it yet. I hope this all helps!

When my friends have gone thru this same situation and feelings, I ask them to answer the following question:

Besides loveing each other, more important....

Does he bring out the best of you? or
Does he bring out the worst of you?
Do you 'Like' him

Because you two people can 'Love someone to death', But, if you don't like that person and he doesn't bring the best out of you, then most likely, he would not be the right person to spend the rest of you life with..........

I hope this helps?

i can understand......i was engaged once before this time around. i had been with my boyfriend since i was 17 and i was 22 when i got engaged and would have been 23 when i would have been married. after everything that we had gone through, and after the fact that i had grown up with him, i fell into the fact that at that point one of two things would happen....we would get married or we would break up. obviously....we chose the first and after 10 months of our engagement a lot of feelings came to light. i realized i wasn't ready to spend the rest of my life with him. he is a great person, but he wasn't the one for me. there were other things that had played into it as well.....but, the bottom line was that it wasn't him that i was in love with. my cold feet were serious. i hoped it would pass. and it didn't. i don't think it happens to everyone, but if you're seriously thinking about things, listen to your heart. forever is a long time. my biggest line used to be that i had already been divorced since my parents were divorced....and i was not living that again. everything in life happens for a reason. your heart does not lie. i am living proof that dreams really do come true. now, two years later, i am marrying my best friend, and living out a dream that i had pushed aside for a VERY long time bc i thought that was what i was supposed to do. my ex-fiance is also engaged to be married. things just weren't meant to be. you can't force what isn't.
i'm totally not saying that this is your case either. it's different for everyone. just believe in your heart and your feelings. and no matter what they might be, remember that feelings just are, you can't change them. good luck with everything!!! it will all work out the way it's meant to!

Ok, I missed most of this,before things were edited, but I can comment on a little bit of it.

I can tell you from my own personal experience that it is VERY hard to have your other half always working. My FI works in baseball, so he is ALWAYS at the stadium. He travels with the team on a 1/3 of the road games, and when the team is in town, he's at EVERY game, from 9am to midnight.

Needless to say, we've been together a VERY long time (8 years) and I knew about this when we first got together.

Sometimes it is VERY hard. And I realized ESPECIALLY when we started living together. Then I was REALLY aware that he wasn't around as much as many other people's boyfriends.

We actually had a huge 'discussion' about it last week. I just laid it out that our situation was hard, and I wish that we saw more of each other. I don't think that he really realized how much it was bothering me, because I tend to just go with the flow, but once he got it, we BOTH made it a point to try to spend more time with each other.

In the mean time, I make it a point to go out with MY friends and get involved with other stuff to keep myself busy. It really helps to keep you mind off of a situation that you can't change.

Ok, if I was REALLY off-base with my response, I do apologize. I just wanted to try and add another perspective.

Good luck and hang in there!

Thx again grls...

I work in a law office with people who are getting divorced all the time. The number one thing they say to me is, 'I knew he or she was this way (acted this way, did this thing, did not do this thing - you fill in the blanks) and it annoyed (hurt, angered, worried, etc.) me then, but I loved him or her so much, I married him or her anyway.'

The best advice I have is, the man you marry is the same guy the day before your wedding as he is the day after. The wedding is just one day. So, the best thing you can do, I think, is to really recognize the person you fell in love with, really think about what you want and need in a partner, and be honest about the whether the person coincides with what you truly need. If you're honest with yourself and your partner about that much - I think you'll be just fine.

The little doubts - hey we all have them. I do too, from time to time. It's normal, I think, for such a huge commitment and life change. And, I'm glad you brought it up. Not too many people talk about that. Thanks!!

Also, my friend (married last August) recommended a book to me called the 'Conscious Bride' that talks about all this stuff. If you really need help, I'd pick up a copy. Good luck!