I know you should never EXPECT a gift, but I am curious about whether people are supposed to give a gift if they have been invited to a wedding or shower and they can't attend? I have always been told you should, but being on the other end of that now, I realize not everyone does this. Would love to know what others think.
AngnShaun
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No i dont think someone should have to give a gift if they arent going
NYtherapist
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Most people I know do send a gift to weddings they are not attending. I don't think it's something that has to be done and unless it's someone I'm very close to or family, I don't send one.
FutureMcBride
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I think it depends... I have a bridal shower and wedding coming up and I cannot attend either... so I will be sending a gift for her shower and will be sending a check. I don't think that you spend as much as you do if you were to attend though... not sure about that but that's what I have heard?
JohnNMeri
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You definitely should be sending a gift for at least the wedding if you can't attend.
jilliebean84
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Etiquette is that a gift for any shower should be given whether or not you attend. A wedding gift is not necessary either way.
Jill52787
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Posted by FutureMcBride
I think it depends... I have a bridal shower and wedding coming up and I cannot attend either... so I will be sending a gift for her shower and will be sending a check. I don't think that you spend as much as you do if you were to attend though... not sure about that but that's what I have heard?
I agree! I think you should always send something. Regardless of how much you spend, I think in this case it is definitely the thought along with the gift. I would always send a gift.
LBUDA
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I think its rude if you don't send a gift....can be a smaller gift if you dont attent, but you should certainly send something
NYtherapist
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Posted by LBUDA
I think its rude if you don't send a gift....can be a smaller gift if you dont attent, but you should certainly send something
I think it depends upon who's inviting you. Over the years, there have been times when I've been invited to random weddings. There was one woman who invited me to her wedding after we'd met twice and she knew my cousin's wedding was the same day because it came up in conversation the 2nd time we met. There was no reason for me to be invited and I did not send a gift.
IrishAli
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They don't have to, but I always do
HSsweethearts
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So apparently according to traditional etiquette a shower comes with an expectation of a gift, a wedding does not.
I would always send a gift when invited to a wedding. There was only once when we said no to a wedding and we did not send a gift because we were broke at the time and it was a really random invite. It was like FSIL's childhood best friend or something who FH was close with as a kid but we'd lost touch with entirely. I think if it happenned now I'd probably send a small registry gift of up to $50.
Every time I've been invited to a shower and could not attend I've sent a gift. I actually usually sent a gift approaching what I would have given if I had attended the shower.
For the wedding I seriously did expect that family and close friends would send gifts even if they could not attend. Maybe they still will, but I doubt it now.
HSsweethearts
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Posted by jilliebean84
Etiquette is that a gift for any shower should be given whether or not you attend. A wedding gift is not necessary either way.
Yep.
Though only family members who didn't attend the shower sent gifts (some in FH's family did not..) and one of FMIL's friends responded yes, did not show up at the last minute and did not give a gift, which I think is totally rude. She didn't need to be invited at all. She's not family. She said yes so my family had to pay for her meal and she didn't give a gift. THAT pizzed me off.
BlushandBashful
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I think it depends on your relationship with the person.
MrsCtoBe5512
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we haven't been to many weddings as adults but we've attended each to which we've been invited. if we couldnt make a wedding, we would definitely send a gift, but I think that the type (money or actual gift) and amount (if money) would depend on the relationship.
Moonmist09
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i would only send a gift if i was unable to attend the wedding if it was a very close family member. If it was like a regular friend or aquaintence, i wouldn't send anything at all. same with the shower.
pjc92980
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i think it depends on the relationship and the reason you are not attending. Typically I do send a gift, however I was recently invited to a shower for a girl I never met (and only met the guy twice). FH is friends with the guy and they see each other once a year. IMO i dont think i should have been invited as i dont plan to invite my friends gf's to come to my shower if i dont know them. That being said, i declined and did not send a gift.
Yankeeelove
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About 12 people didn't go to my shower and I only received gifts from 2 of them. So I guess most people don't.
evita2781
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i dont think you have to but now that i'm involved in this whole wedding process, i actually would send one if i couldn't attend.
ChristineNorah
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Posted by jilliebean84
Etiquette is that a gift for any shower should be given whether or not you attend. A wedding gift is not necessary either way.
This.
Jesebelle
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If you did not ask to be invited why should you have to send a gift? I only send a gift if I really wanted to go because I'm close with that person but for whatever reason I couldn't go. Gifts can get to be a bit much.
