Gifts from FH's parents

I don't know what the distribution really is for us, I just know that I kind of think of them giving any money to either of us as them giving it to both of us since we're living together and share money and all that.

Don't tie the money factor into what type of relationship you have with them, since it sounds like that's what your main concern is. The amount of money they give isn't a reflection of how they feel about you and whether they feel close to you. Focus on other, more meaningful things in terms of how they act and treat you and that will hopefully give you a better idea of how close you guys are.

FMIL always does right by me for example for easter she gave me $100 but she always give FH more- after all he is her son. My mom on the other hand treats us all the same- she is cheap as hell and we all get crap!!

I would not dare compare gifts from FH to their son & myself but that's just me. As long I feel their love for me - that's the best gift I get more from them than money.

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Posted by quirkybride

A gift is a gift. It isn't required. My FH's parents are very nice to me. I get along with them. I think I'm looking for them to accept me as family. I don't want them to just get along with me because I'm marrying their son, I want a family bond with them.
FH's parents give their son 5 times the money amount what they gave me as a birthday present. A gift is a gift, and it's very nice to get any gift. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I do appreciate that they thought of giving me a gift. But I guess it communicates, this is their son, and I'm not their daughter.
My parents give the same amount to their children and their significant others. I am very thankful that I get along with them. It's really not the money, I just want to know I'm accepted as family by them.
I was just wondering for everyone else....do your FH's parents give you the same level of gift?

Thanks girls.

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I am in the same boat

My mom spends a nice amount on FH
His parents on the other hand did not regonize my birthday until we were dating 6 years or so and I get a shirt for xmas I get body scrubs and lotions [which i never use]

well I'm not bringing up the subject matter as a fight or confronting anyone, these are feelings I'm working out, and I admitted that they might be due to my feelings about my own parents.
I did say that it's not about the amount, and what I'm looking for is a family relationship with them.

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Posted by Special K

I would not dare compare gifts from FH to their son & myself but that's just me. As long I feel their love for me - that's the best gift I get more from them than money.

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Posted by quirkybride

A gift is a gift. It isn't required. My FH's parents are very nice to me. I get along with them. I think I'm looking for them to accept me as family. I don't want them to just get along with me because I'm marrying their son, I want a family bond with them.
FH's parents give their son 5 times the money amount what they gave me as a birthday present. A gift is a gift, and it's very nice to get any gift. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I do appreciate that they thought of giving me a gift. But I guess it communicates, this is their son, and I'm not their daughter.
My parents give the same amount to their children and their significant others. I am very thankful that I get along with them. It's really not the money, I just want to know I'm accepted as family by them.
I was just wondering for everyone else....do your FH's parents give you the same level of gift?

Thanks girls.

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I feel you... sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean to. Wedding planning is most stressful we could get.

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Posted by quirkybride

well I'm not bringing up the subject matter as a fight or confronting anyone, these are feelings I'm working out, and I admitted that they might be due to my feelings about my own parents.
I did say that it's not about the amount, and what I'm looking for is a family relationship with them.

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Posted by Special K

I would not dare compare gifts from FH to their son & myself but that's just me. As long I feel their love for me - that's the best gift I get more from them than money.

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Posted by quirkybride

A gift is a gift. It isn't required. My FH's parents are very nice to me. I get along with them. I think I'm looking for them to accept me as family. I don't want them to just get along with me because I'm marrying their son, I want a family bond with them.
FH's parents give their son 5 times the money amount what they gave me as a birthday present. A gift is a gift, and it's very nice to get any gift. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I do appreciate that they thought of giving me a gift. But I guess it communicates, this is their son, and I'm not their daughter.
My parents give the same amount to their children and their significant others. I am very thankful that I get along with them. It's really not the money, I just want to know I'm accepted as family by them.
I was just wondering for everyone else....do your FH's parents give you the same level of gift?

Thanks girls.

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Thanks, I appreciate that. I know you're just being honest.

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Posted by Special K

I feel you... sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean to. Wedding planning is most stressful we could get.

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Posted by quirkybride

well I'm not bringing up the subject matter as a fight or confronting anyone, these are feelings I'm working out, and I admitted that they might be due to my feelings about my own parents.
I did say that it's not about the amount, and what I'm looking for is a family relationship with them.

---

Posted by Special K

I would not dare compare gifts from FH to their son & myself but that's just me. As long I feel their love for me - that's the best gift I get more from them than money.

---

Posted by quirkybride

A gift is a gift. It isn't required. My FH's parents are very nice to me. I get along with them. I think I'm looking for them to accept me as family. I don't want them to just get along with me because I'm marrying their son, I want a family bond with them.
FH's parents give their son 5 times the money amount what they gave me as a birthday present. A gift is a gift, and it's very nice to get any gift. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, I do appreciate that they thought of giving me a gift. But I guess it communicates, this is their son, and I'm not their daughter.
My parents give the same amount to their children and their significant others. I am very thankful that I get along with them. It's really not the money, I just want to know I'm accepted as family by them.
I was just wondering for everyone else....do your FH's parents give you the same level of gift?

Thanks girls.

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Don't be hurt.. I don't think it's a reflection on you, I just think it's a reflection of their love for their son. I'm SURE they love you as well, but in the end.. Their son is their son. And in the end, a gift to him is a gift to you anyway, if you were to look at it like that. :) I'm sure It'll change some once you're their daughter as well.

When I saw my mom on Easter, she gave my fiance money for his birthday since it was the day before, and then forced some 'spending' money on me when we were leaving for just because. When I looked later, I realized she'd given me twice as much as she did him.. I felt bad, and tried to lie to him, but I hate lying and I'm a horrible liar.. But I know it wasn't a reflection on him, they adore him and gave him consent before he could even ask for it.. It's just that I'm their child.

Thinking about it, his mom generally gives us all the same amount for holidays. She'll get both of us small things here and there if she sees something we might like, and I'm always very touched when she does. Now say.. Her, her daughter, and I are very close.. We're always going shopping together. When we're out, if the mom finds a shirt that'd both myself and her daughter would fit into, she'll always turn to her daughter first and ask her if she likes/wants it.. Things like that. That can hurt a little sometimes, but I do understand in the end.. It's her daughter, and I'm still a fairly new addition.

I wouldn't worry. :) Blood runs very thick! Don't take it personal.

Edit: I'm sure they love you.. It's just natural to want to give their child the best. Their son has been in their life far longer than you, obviously, hehe.. There's a million layers to their relationship and bond with their son, and you're still building up yours.. That's their baby. :P

thats a tough thing

i am thinking once you are married you will get the same amount as your FH? it shouldn't be that way since you guys are engaged so you will be part of the family before they know it. Sometimes people just dont know.. i am sure they are not trying to offend you.

i have been very fortunate. my FH parents have been VERY generous with me over the years.

def not.
my bday was the other day and i got a card from dhs mom. it was just a card. i mean maybe shes planning on giving me a gift and not something that she could put in the card but seriously lady i just married your son and im carrying his baby a little appreciation would be nice.