girls need help.....

deanna225 Posted: Aug 06, 2009 10:04 AM

girls need help.....

ok my best friend is all of a sudden getting married in oct. or nov. all she does is talk to me about her wedding and everytime i say something about mine she just blows it off. she wants to use the same place i got my flowres and the same exact ones. her wedding is not gonna be like our wedding. its gonna be really cheap. she is having her mother cook the food, no dj and no photographer. i call it a white trash wedding. she asked me to be in the bridal party but as of now i cant afford a dress and all the stuff that goes with it. i know i have to do the right thing cuz she is in my wedding but i really dont want to be in it.
so i need ur help on how do i tell her this, without upsetting her. and to top it off she is getting married on my fh 35 birthday and she knew i wantes to have a party for him.

so please girls help me tia

jcreilly Posted: Aug 06, 2009 10:06 AM

Re: girls need help.....

OMg It does not sound like it will cost too much, Sw her and tell you will be at the wedding but cannt afford tobe in A bp right now. Is she in yours?

deanna225 Posted: Aug 06, 2009 10:14 AM

Re: girls need help.....

yes she is in mine. the dress she wants us to get costs 500.00 bucks, and fh does not wanna go. what do i do

sophisticat13 Posted: Aug 06, 2009 10:22 AM

Re: girls need help.....

I hate to say this becuse it isn't what you want to hear but....if she is in yours, I don't see a nice way that you can not be in hers. She's your best friend and it's only fair....and it might cause a permanent rift in your relationship if you refuse....what I would do though is tell her that you cannot afford to pay $500 for a dress (I know I woulnd't be able to even for my best friend!!!) Perhaps you are feeling this way also bec. she is being a little selfish right now about not lettiing you talk about your wedding? Just a thought and it doesn't make what she is doing right, but maybe she is acting this way because she knows her wedding isn't going to be as nice as yours is and feels badly or jealous. Take the high road...sorry hon JMO

MikesBride2B Posted: Aug 06, 2009 10:26 AM

Re: girls need help.....

I dunno. I feel like its okay to say to her that since your wedding is a little bit more involved money wise than her is that you can't afford to be in the BP.

Lsorrent Posted: Aug 06, 2009 10:31 AM

Re: girls need help.....

$500 for a BM dress??????? That's outrageous! Maybe suggest going with her to look at less expensive dresses? Then that way it won't 'hurt' as much...............

StaceyWill Posted: Aug 06, 2009 10:32 AM

Re: girls need help.....

Wait, I'm confused...she's not having a DJ or photographer and her mom is cooking the food, yet she wants you girls to buy a $500.00 dress. Does that make sense? or is it just me??

mrsdraskin2009 Posted: Aug 06, 2009 10:35 AM

Re: girls need help.....

I would just tell her that you can't swing it. It sounds like there's gonna be a lot of uncesseary stress on your part if you accept and it's not worth it...Focus on you wedding and forget hers!

little j Posted: Aug 06, 2009 10:38 AM

Re: girls need help.....

Posted by sophisticat13

I hate to say this becuse it isn't what you want to hear but....if she is in yours, I don't see a nice way that you can not be in hers. She's your best friend and it's only fair....and it might cause a permanent rift in your relationship if you refuse....what I would do though is tell her that you cannot afford to pay $500 for a dress (I know I woulnd't be able to even for my best friend!!!) Perhaps you are feeling this way also bec. she is being a little selfish right now about not lettiing you talk about your wedding? Just a thought and it doesn't make what she is doing right, but maybe she is acting this way because she knows her wedding isn't going to be as nice as yours is and feels badly or jealous. Take the high road...sorry hon JMO

ita

TheFutureMrsPM Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:06 AM

Re: girls need help.....

If I were in your shoes I would try to talk to her about the cost of the dress...let her know you want to be there for her but theres not way you could swing a $500 BM dress and right now you can only afford to spend X dollards on the dress. I think honestly here is the way to go bc how can you ask people to spend money they do not have. If she brings up the moneny you are spending on your wedding say that you committed to the vendors before you knew about her wedding if you knew about her wedding first you would have planned accordingly.

mariedsgn Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:11 AM

Re: girls need help.....

Posted by Lsorrent

$500 for a BM dress??????? That's outrageous! Maybe suggest going with her to look at less expensive dresses? Then that way it won't 'hurt' as much...............

ITA!!! Tell her to get a cheeper BM dress

Tonys_Girl_03 Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:16 AM

Re: girls need help.....

Posted by StaceyWill

Wait, I'm confused...she's not having a DJ or photographer and her mom is cooking the food, yet she wants you girls to buy a $500.00 dress. Does that make sense? or is it just me??

It doesn't make any sense to me either!! If she is taking the cheap route on her wedding, how can she expect her BM to pay $500 for a dress?? That is crazy, if she has her heart set on that dress, try to find one that is similar. There are so many BM dresses out there and to me a lot of them look a like. Also, if she is in your BP and you are not in hers, she may use that to back out of your BP. So if you don't care if she isn't in yours, then tell her you can't afford the dress and forget my advice above!

deanna225 Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:20 AM

Re: girls need help.....

thank u girls. i told her the dress was to much for me now.she said this is what i want and u said yes already, so there is nothing u can do now. i know i have to be in her wedding cuz she said yes to mine. but its the same day as my fh bday and he is going to be 35 and his mom and i wanted to give me a little party. i guess im gonna have to suck it up and do it. thanks again

Maria5117 Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:21 AM

Re: girls need help.....

I can understand your frustration because me, one of my best friends, and my cousin are all getting married in the next few months and I always feel like we're in some stupid competition with each other.... So i completely get that you're annoyed that she's preoccupied with her own wedding and not concerned about yours... BUT I don't think it would be right of you to decline the invitation to be in her bridal party only since she agreed to be in yours... and she agreed to all the financial obligations that go along with it.... I'd tell her I'd be in the wedding,. but that i just can't spend $500 on a dress (because I don't have it to spend)... as long as she agreed to a less expensive BM dress, i'd say you kinda have to do it... JMO though

xoxo
Maria

NYgirlinTX Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:25 AM

Re: girls need help.....

Omg, so she wants to have a cheap wedding, but $500 BM dress's thats a little insane! But i guess that is because SHE ISNT PAYING FOR THEM. That is rough though for you I am going to go with just tell her how you feel, she is obviously so self absorbed right now and someone has to put her into a reality check.

AngnShaun Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:26 AM

Re: girls need help.....

Posted by StaceyWill

Wait, I'm confused...she's not having a DJ or photographer and her mom is cooking the food, yet she wants you girls to buy a $500.00 dress. Does that make sense? or is it just me??

ITA!!!

jcreilly Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:28 AM

Re: girls need help.....

Posted by deanna225

yes she is in mine. the dress she wants us to get costs 500.00 bucks, and fh does not wanna go. what do i do

WHAT THE Heck $500 and NO Dj and her mom is making the food no way I thought I was crazy my BM dress are $330 with alterations tell her you can not afford a $500 dress sorry, MY Bm would have laugh at me the reason they didnt agure of the price was because two of the girls actually picked it out and I am paying for my younger sister, and the dress is really pretty LOL

grkbarbie Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:39 AM

Re: girls need help.....

i would just be in the bp...
youre both close enough to be in eachothers bp's.. how would u feel if your friend didnt come to ur weding cuz she was throwing a bday party for some1?

ultimately its your decision..but i would be in the bp.

do not worry about her using your vendors... her budget and yours are totally diff. and be glad she doesnt listen to you talk about your wedding..u dont want her stealing your ideas, do u?

MrsSoto Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:41 AM

Re: girls need help.....

i think it is completely rude and insensitive of her to ask someone to spend $500 on a dress. And her comment about you said yes so there is nothing you can do now is rude! I agree that you shoud be in her wedding party but tell her that since you are planning your own wedding and now she is planning hers, you are SURE she understands about expenses. Let her know that although you said yes, you expected the dress to be a more reasonable price like say under 250 (which most are) so unless she could find something else that she likes for that price, you are going to have to say no (yes, after you said yes, boo hoo for her, sorry!).

Its2Snappy Posted: Aug 06, 2009 11:46 AM

Re: girls need help.....

I'm sorry. I would NEVER ask my BMs to pay $500 for a dress. That is insane. I felt bad with the $160 dress that they got! I thought that was too much. I'd tell her that you'll get the BM dress that she wants but your buying a knockoff of it!