girls with seperated/divorced parents: Shower question, lil long

so my parents have been seperated for 2 years and my dad has a gf. my mom doesnt want to invite her to the shower.

i didnt have a problem inviting her because i knew my dad kinda wanted her to be invited. Originally my mom said fine but now she doesnt want her there. she said since they arent married i shouldnt have to have her there and i'm not her daughter so she shouldnt have to be there.

im not sure if i care either way but i know when my mom tells my dad this he is gonna be upset and also he will have to tell his gf who will be upset.

i dont know what to do...should i just let my parents battle it out over this? is inviting her the right thing to do?

anyone else have a similar issue?

Jackie you absolutely have to invite her - she is you dad's gf and your mom has to understand

Believe me we have our own divorce family drama over here that would take me forever to get into and everyone will be invited to everything and whether or not people come it is up to them

my parents have been divorced for years since i was 2 but in any case, i dont have have any new gf or bf situation thing to contend with however i know how it is when my mom would rather not have my father at something, etc. i know thats totally different but in general when it comes to these things, i think that each parent has to understand that just because they are not together, it shouldnt have to put you in a situation that looks like you are being unfriendly or rude when its really not coming from you. not that i cant understand where your mom is coming from that she doesnt want to be in the same place as your dad's girlfriend but this is about your time, not hers. imo, your dad shouldnt have expected the girlfriend to be invited in the first place and should have left it totally up to you to make the decision but now that it's been said and you dont mind having her there, you shouldnt have to look bad because your mom doesnt want her there. i wouldnt necessarily tell your parents that they are going to work battle it out, i would just nicely tell your mom that she has already been informed that she will be invited, and since you are okay with that, you are not going to 'un-invite' and be rude. then from there, if she still wants to deal with your dad on it, then she can go for it.

i know your mom wants to share this special time with you but again, this is about YOU sharing this time with people and making YOUR day go smoothly, not anyone elses. sorry if that sounds insensitive.

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Posted by MrsSoto

my parents have been divorced for years since i was 2 but in any case, i dont have have any new gf or bf situation thing to contend with however i know how it is when my mom would rather not have my father at something, etc. i know thats totally different but in general when it comes to these things, i think that each parent has to understand that just because they are not together, it shouldnt have to put you in a situation that looks like you are being unfriendly or rude when its really not coming from you. not that i cant understand where your mom is coming from that she doesnt want to be in the same place as your dad's girlfriend but this is about your time, not hers. imo, your dad shouldnt have expected the girlfriend to be invited in the first place and should have left it totally up to you to make the decision but now that it's been said and you dont mind having her there, you shouldnt have to look bad because your mom doesnt want her there. i wouldnt necessarily tell your parents that they are going to work battle it out, i would just nicely tell your mom that she has already been informed that she will be invited, and since you are okay with that, you are not going to 'un-invite' and be rude. then from there, if she still wants to deal with your dad on it, then she can go for it.

i know your mom wants to share this special time with you but again, this is about YOU sharing this time with people and making YOUR day go smoothly, not anyone elses. sorry if that sounds insensitive.

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couldn't have said it better myself

this is just such a crumby situation because my parents havent cut all ties yet so it gets so touchy!

my mom has met her and been in teh same room with her for my brothers birthday and also for my nieces birthday but then 2 weeks ago my mom flipped out and didnt want her at my neices recital so she didnt come and then her and my dad had a fight.

my mom claims she doesnt want to feel uncomfortable at her own daughters shower. i feel like if i say 'no i want her there' that i will offend and hurt my mother but then if i side with her completely i hurt my dad.
friggin parents...they were together for 30 years...they coudlnt stick it out 2 more until after my wedding lol lol

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Posted by CloudNine

this is just such a crumby situation because my parents havent cut all ties yet so it gets so touchy!

my mom has met her and been in teh same room with her for my brothers birthday and also for my nieces birthday but then 2 weeks ago my mom flipped out and didnt want her at my neices recital so she didnt come and then her and my dad had a fight.

my mom claims she doesnt want to feel uncomfortable at her own daughters shower. i feel like if i say 'no i want her there' that i will offend and hurt my mother but then if i side with her completely i hurt my dad.
friggin parents...they were together for 30 years...they coudlnt stick it out 2 more until after my wedding lol lol

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your mom shouldn't feel uncomfortable there will be so many more people there she doesn't need to associate with her also she shouldn't let her ruin the day.

also i don't think you need to say 'you want her there' you should just say i think she it is the right thing that she be invited.

I know it is a ****** situation and your parents should just act like the adults right now

I am going to be a StepMother so this is my point of view.

2 years=she is here to stay.
Maybe she is a nice woman..has nothing to do with your parents separation and shouldn't be punished for wanting to be a part of something special to a person who is so close to whom she loves.

I'd be DEVASTATED if I was not invited to my SDs showers'. But I am on good terms with my Fh's ex. She would insist on me to go. Your Mom, IMO is making her life harder by being so resistant.

BUT I can COMPLETELY understand your Mom feelings. She may care WHAT other people think and rather not be the talk of the day (you know how women are) when it's your special moment.

My advice? Get them together and just say how it's important to YOU how you want them both there.

Don't do the whole 'you are making ti difficult for me' to your parents. ALTHOUGH true and unfair, you might cause more arguments with them (they will do the blame game). Plus, your Mom may think you are taking sides.

Just try to make your Mom understand she will ALWAYS be your Mom no matter what. But this woman is innocent and special to your Father and your Father is important to you.

My parents are divorced 17 years now and my dad remarried for 15. My mom has been remarried for 6 years.

My mom and step-mom can't look at each other and are each very uncomfortable in the others' presence. Yes, after all this time.

I didn't want to invite my step-mom to my shower simply because of how uncomfortable that was going to be. I ended up planning my shower on a weekend my step-mom happened to be away, and did end up inviting her and she declined.

I kinda felt lucky it worked out that way since I hadn't planned it.

Sounds like your mom's wounds are much fresher. I think you need to talk to your father's gf and see how she feels about it and explain how your mom feels to her and see what she says. She may understand and decide she wants to take you on a separate girls' spa day or something independent of your shower.

If you really want her there, you need to talk to your mom more about it and find out if it's a comfort thing or a hatred thing. If it's merely uncomfortable, remind your mom that no one else is the mother of the bride, and that your dad having a girlfriend doesn't change the fact that she's your mother and the Queen (you being the princess).

Hope it works out!!!!