Going crazy (again)

My dad keeps saying how the wedding is suppose to be the 'bride's day'- I don't disagree but my FH wants to be so involved. It's nice that he is, but I think it's also because he's an only child and use to being the center of attention. So, how do I tell him that it's suppose to be more my day with out hurting his feelings OR is my dad being too old fashion? I just don't know.

Re: Going crazy (again)

My FH says its the brides day also...but he is getting involved with some things. The small things he dosent mind but the major things I'm glad he is giving his imput. We are both paying for the wedding I would hope he is just as happy with the outcome as I hopw to be.

Re: Going crazy (again)

Honestly, I feel that that day is our day-FH and I not just mine. That day we are sharing our love for each other with all our family and friends. Without him there is no me and vice versa.
You should be happy your FH wants to be involved! Many of us would love that!!! My FH sometimes gives me his opinion and sometimes tells me its up to you , you know what is best. But when he starts talking negative I want to put tape on his mouth!
Why don't you try giving him some duties say: limos, or helping you narrow down the photographer or video. Helping you call to make appointments. Researching the honeymoon. Trust me it will help take a load off of you. My wedding is also in 2004 and between all my other daily projects, I am going bonkers!!

Re: Going crazy (again)

my FH always says its my day too.
We are also paying for the wedding and he also gets involved with big things like the videographer etc...
Just let him know, playfully & sweetly that the wedding day is the brides day.
See what he says

Re: Going crazy (again)

We having trouble deciding when to have the wedding- our engagement party went so well that I want to have the wedding in my parents yard, as well. But he says it's 3x stress & 3x fights, etc. but I think it would be fun as well. I appreciate his input but I feel like he's not open to my suggestions.

Re: Going crazy (again)

Hmmmmmm

I'm going to disagree with most of you on this. How could it just be your (brides) day? If there wasn't a groom, there wouldn't be a bride!!!

Marriage is all about putting the 'us' before the 'me'; it's about the two of you building a new life, together. I don't think it's all about the bride. I don't want my FH to be in my shadow on our wedding day!

I'm glad that my FH is somewhat involved in the planning. I want him to have a great day, too!! I think you should be happy that you FH wants to be involved. It's a great start to the rest of your lives together.

JMO, of course!!

Happy planning, everyone!!

Re: Going crazy (again)

EVERYONE says it is the brides day but I disagree too. I am too modern to feel like that I think, it is BOTH our day and I am also hoping that it will be everything we both dreamed it would be. Especially since we are both paying for it! I wouldn't be at the alter without him and MANY places without him. I declare it BOTH our days!

I agree with ss2002

I think the notion that 'it's the bride day' is as antiquated as 'the bride's family pays for the entire wedding.' Why would you WANT it to be just your day? I love that my FI and I chose everything together (although there were some things he let me have my way AND vice versa). It's gonna be so wonderful knowing that we did it all together and that it is a reflection of US not just me. Plus I want to see him happy too as I love to see him smile. Why would I want it to be all about me? I think the term came from when teh bride's family did pay for everything they of course felt that she should make all the choices. Let him be involved. You may be suprised at his input as he may have some rather good ideas!

Re: Going crazy (again)

The wedding is both the bride and groom's day. Its when you begin your life together and husband and wife. I think both of you are equally involved with all the planning. My FH has been very involved with all the planning and we are both looking forward to 'Our Day.'

Re: Going crazy (again)

I think it is a couple's day. Yes, I make more decisions and my FH didn't care if I wanted purple, blue or red for my BM dress color. He didn't really care what the invites looked like or which flowers I will use. BUT he does care about our wedding and helps me when asked. He also helps make all major decisions such as the hall, band, and photographer. He and I decided together to see each other before the ceremony for photos. He said he didn't care if we had a big or small wedding as long as I was happy. So together we make plans and will share our day.
On the other issue: Your FH is totally right. It is a lot more work (and stress) to do an at home wedding , unless you mean for under 30 people. Consider the following:
Where do people park? (you have to hire valets, speak to all of your neighbors etc..), you need a lot more than 1-2 bathrooms for over 100 people also. You need to hire a tent company, caterer, rent linens/dishes/glasses, get bartenders and wait staff, bring in all liquors and keep them cold, rent a dance floor, make sure you have plenty of electrical outlets near the backyard for all of the band/DJ equipment, What do you do if it rains/storms/or is really, really hot/cold that day? It could be muddy from bad weather the day before and that really ***** to walk in. You need to spend a lot to decorate the house and yard. Plus your parents have the added stress of having a ton of people in their home that day. You will need to have it cleaned before and after the party. Ever try to get a wine stain out of a couch or rug.
I am not saying not to do it, but typically an e-party is much smaller than a wedding so it is much easier to handle in a home. But if you really want to do celebrate at your parents home and they agree to it, then tell your FH how much it means to you and find a comprimise. That is what marriage is all about anyway.

Re: Going crazy (again)

Agree with all those who say its about both of you with a twist:

Its not even about each of you individually - its about celebrating the couple and their future together.

Excellent Sonicstef!

Well put!

Re: I agree...

It's definitely OUR day...as a matter of fact, my FH and I went to finish registering today - we finished up at BB&B and then went to Fortunoffs for our fine china/crystal. Weelllll....let me tell you, I never in a million years thought my FH would care about the china pattern (or as he refers to it 'dish design')- and being that he showed such an interest (still shocked here), I let him have final say (luckily I liked it too)...if that doesn't go to show it's our day , I don't know what does.

Re: Going crazy (again)

My FH says the same thing.. 'It's your day' 'You have to worry about the day and I have to worry aout the day after and for the rest of our lives'

Re: Going crazy (again)

Thanks for all help girls.
After writing the first post- I wish I edited it then. I thought about how I really felt- I do believe this is 'our' day and I want my FH to be a big part of everything. I like that he's involved. I just get caught up with the opinions of our parents. I'm just so stressed every little thing freaks me out. But this board is the best thing I've found. I tell everyone I know about it. It's nice to know other people are going through the exact same thing. I like that we all exchange ideas. Thanks again.