Got in a fight with FH AND his sister... UPDATED

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Posted by waterspout4

How did it go today?

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UPDATE:

Well, it got worse before it got better. But I stood my ground and am very proud of myself. I spoke to his mom and she completely understands my point and was so wonderful in helping me through this. Unfortunately, it got so bad at one point that I called MY parents, which was the first time I've ever done that. But I was at my wits end, and I was about to end it with my FH - it got THAT bad (he called me a name in the heat of an argument that just really hurt my feelings). My FH left the house and went to his snotty sister's house and my dad came to stay with me because I was sobbing. . Yesterday, his other sister and mom invited me up to go with them to the family's house. I was so happy that they wanted me with THEM and they completely understood where I was coming from and did not fault me at all for calling his other sister to tell her how I felt (his mom is very fair in these situations). So my FH went with his sister and I went with his mom and sister and I wasn't talking to my FH. Yeah... that wasn't awkward (sarcasm). But I felt that if I didn't go, I would be on here right now saying that the wedding was cancelled. . I avoided his snotty sister like the plague because in my eyes she was the reason why I was possibly not going to be marrying her brother, and if I was ever the reason for my brother to get in this type of argument with HIS fiance/wife, I would feel SO guilty. His snotty sister was laughing up a storm like she was his girflfriend rubbing it in his face. Meanwhile, his mom constantly saved a seat for me next to her, hugged me, kissed me on the cheek to tell me she loved me... really made sure I didn't feel awkward being there. At one point, I went outside, and my FH followed me out. He asked if I would walk with him down to the swingset to get away from everyone, which we did. Then he asked what we were gonna do. I asked him what he wanted to do. He told me that calling my dad was the 'nail in the coffin'. I told him that a lot happened before that that led me to calling my dad and that what he called me hurt me so deeply and badly that I couldn't get past it. I told him that the word he called me more fit his sister and if he wanted to end it, he could go move in with her. He still wasn't apologizing and was almost talking like it was over. So I told him we would go back up to the house and tell everyone the wedding was off. And I was serious. And he knew it. It wasn't an empty threat. I actually purposely drove my own car up so I could leave at any point, and I was prepared to announce it to his family, even though I love them, and go, even if it meant driving home crying hysterically the whole way. Well, he stopped me - finally apologized for calling me the name he called me and said he didn't mean it. Told me that what happened would never happen again. Asked me to never call my parents in an argument involving us again, which I promised. We walked away holding hands. We talked more last night and discussed more of what we have to do in the future to ensure none of this happens again - and I made sure that he understood that just as HE is my #1 priority, I am to be HIS #1 priority. He told me that I don't have to worry about what happened on Saturday happening again. I can't imagine either of them will ever do that to me again...

At this point, she is still in my bridal party. She is his sister, and I don't plan on 'kicking her out' since she's family. If she was a friend of mine, she'd be out. If SHE wants out, that's fine with me. I'm NOT, however, inviting her to my bachelorette party. I am inviting his other sister, who I do get along with and am on the same maturity level with. (fyi... my brothers aren't going with my fiance to HIS b-party). To me, the bride invites the girls she WANTS to invite to b-parties - and I do NOT want her there with me, unless something major changes between now and Sept. 30th.

I'm glad you stood your ground! Happyo to hear that you and your FH are on speaking terms again - communication is key in any relationship!!! Just enough the last few weeks before your wedding and don't even worry about the evil sister - and best advice - keep her away from the house that YOU own!

Good for you that you are working out the issues. The stress of planning a wedding and embarking on something SO huge can be scary andpeople can stop acting like themselves.

I did what you did once, called my family during a fight DH and I had, and my DH was just as upset as your FH was. I know now to keep our bickerments between us and not to involve anyone else.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! SEE what happens when you stand your ground and show that you are not afraid!!! If he does not want you to get your family involved in your arguments then the same should go for him-- him leaving and going to his sister's house was the same thing as you calling your Dad to come over... If you had driven to your parents that would be different?? I mean, that's a total double standard-- So I completely understand why you were upset-- you had a right to feel that way!! I'm so proud of you honey-- I'm so glad you are not the type that, no matter what, will do anything to avoid a fight because you don't want to 'risk losing the wedding'... that's awesome!!!!!!! I'm so happy everything worked out and I think this will make your relationship stronger!!!!

YAAAY!! I'm so happy things are smoothed out between you and your FH!

It's always so much better after you are able to talk. don't you feel like a weight has been lifted. AAAAHHHHH

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Posted by bournebride

It's always so much better after you are able to talk. don't you feel like a weight has been lifted. AAAAHHHHH

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I really do... it all feels like a bad dream now.

I'm so proud of you Sarah. Way to stick up for yourself! You handled the whole situation so maturely.

I am so glad to hear you guys worked everything out. His sister just sounds like a royal pain in the butt and I wouldn't let her get to you.

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Posted by MichLiz213

I'm so proud of you Sarah. Way to stick up for yourself! You handled the whole situation so maturely.

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Thank you!

My dad just called me on his way home from work to tell me the same thing!

Thanks for all your support, ladies!

I'm so glad things have gotten better. And your FMIL is awesome! What a wonderful woman- I'm so glad she was there for you.

Honestly, it sounds like the bratty sister is jealous of you and your relationship with her brother. It seems like she's resentful of you. If she starts that crap again don't be afraid to stand up to her and to stand your ground with her and your FH. He needs to put you first- I'm glad he's finally realizing that!

I am proud of you for standing your ground. I think you FH will realize that he needs to treat you with more respect, but i just hope his Sister realizes how big of a rift she is causing between you and will stop. Good Luck Hon!

I'm glad you didn't budge!!!!

I'm a bit confused though. He doesn't want you to call people to talk things out? Or was it because it was your family that he got mad?

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Posted by waterspout4

I'm glad you didn't budge!!!!

I'm a bit confused though. He doesn't want you to call people to talk things out? Or was it because it was your family that he got mad?

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I guess in the heat of the argument, I can't call my dad. I've never done that before. I never tell my parents about any fights I have with my FH because I feel that I will forgive him, but they won't. But they were actually so good about all this and SO helpful, but my FH says that our arguments should stay between us when we're in the middle of them.

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Posted by sarahradio5

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Posted by waterspout4

I'm glad you didn't budge!!!!

I'm a bit confused though. He doesn't want you to call people to talk things out? Or was it because it was your family that he got mad?

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I guess in the heat of the argument, I can't call my dad. I've never done that before. I never tell my parents about any fights I have with my FH because I feel that I will forgive him, but they won't. But they were actually so good about all this and SO helpful, but my FH says that our arguments should stay between us when we're in the middle of them.

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I would have to agree with your FH on that, I think couples should not bring their parents in, its between you and him.

I'm so glad everything worked out...you are one strong lady adn your FMIL sounds so wonderful...leave the past there and focus on the future with you and FH...