Got into a fight with my FH

I'm really sorry. I think you should be able to work it out, just both have to cool off first....

Try not to be upset, he loves you, you love him...things are always said in the heat of the moment....

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Posted by Fyre

I dont' think you are being unreasonably upset.
I think you have every right to be upset with FHs behavior. After all, you are MARRIED NOW. Hello, that means he puts you first, to my way of seeing things. It means that he needs to look at things he does that might hurt you.
This was immature, hurtful behavior. Leaving you to wonder where he was, and then him siting totally drunk at someone's home, and you alone?
You might do this when you are boyfriend-girlfriend and then, even though not acceptable, it's semi understandable.
His actions are those of a 15 year old boy who goes out and plays hookey and then doesn't want to go home cause he's in trouble.
I think that you have alot of gumption, and while I don't believe in going to bed angry with FH, he also wouldn't pull this.
However, it sounds like you are really having a hard time. If you are feeling upset, then maybe you need to take care of yourself. I wonder if you did the same thing how he'd feel?
I know things will be ok-rough patches happen in ever marriage. Know I'm thinking of you and take it easy on yourself.

All the best,
Fyre

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Here is my Honest Opinion on this above post;

Sorry but in my eyes.... this is fuel for the fire.
You are calling her FH a 15 year old boy (you dont know either of them)
You are putting your FH on a pedestal ('he would never pull this')
People need to grow and develop into a relationship, they are NOT married yet, they are on a rough journey getting there, we all go through it.

Sorry to respond to this poster and not the OP but it was irking me when I read it.

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Posted by Kimbalina

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Posted by Fyre

I dont' think you are being unreasonably upset.
I think you have every right to be upset with FHs behavior. After all, you are MARRIED NOW. Hello, that means he puts you first, to my way of seeing things. It means that he needs to look at things he does that might hurt you.
This was immature, hurtful behavior. Leaving you to wonder where he was, and then him siting totally drunk at someone's home, and you alone?
You might do this when you are boyfriend-girlfriend and then, even though not acceptable, it's semi understandable.
His actions are those of a 15 year old boy who goes out and plays hookey and then doesn't want to go home cause he's in trouble.
I think that you have alot of gumption, and while I don't believe in going to bed angry with FH, he also wouldn't pull this.
However, it sounds like you are really having a hard time. If you are feeling upset, then maybe you need to take care of yourself. I wonder if you did the same thing how he'd feel?
I know things will be ok-rough patches happen in ever marriage. Know I'm thinking of you and take it easy on yourself.

All the best,
Fyre

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Here is my Honest Opinion on this above post;

Sorry but in my eyes.... this is fuel for the fire.
You are calling her FH a 15 year old boy (you dont know either of them)
You are putting your FH on a pedestal ('he would never pull this')
People need to grow and develop into a relationship, they are NOT married yet, they are on a rough journey getting there, we all go through it.

Sorry to respond to this poster and not the OP but it was irking me when I read it.

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i agree...i don't know but i dont see FH as my child or something where he has to check in with me every second, and i dont want him to feel obligated to do so either bc i personally dont want to marry someone who acts more like my parent than my husband. Not saying they should disappear now but these are adult men we are marrying and I dont think they should be treated like children...I don't know if i am the only one who yes thinks he should've called but doesn't mean now that she has a HUGE problem on her hand and she should feel bad about how her fh treats her. I mean we don't even know their relationship, this guy can be the most amazing guy and ONE time went out with co-workers and sorry to say but alot of them also kinda have to do it as an obligation to work. He was out with co-workers which she knew about so not like he went after work without saying so. He probably didn't hear his phone, it does happen or maybe since he was out at bars he didn't get reception which again happens. He probably thought ok well she knows im out with co-workers so i dont have to check in and lets not forget he was drinking and lets not act like we are all great drunks.

he made a mistake, but not something that they should base their whole relationship on.

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Posted by Mimacat

Do you think maybe you'd feel a little better if some of us beat up the female co-worker for you?

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LOLOL. Yes!!!

Oh wow, I just read the above posts...

I don't want this to be a debate.... I really appreciate everyone's opinion. Thanks for all the support. I am SO appreciate of everyone.

cheer up all, it's the holidays...remember you will have a wonderful holiday, happy new year and a wonderful wedding!!!!!

for better for worse..we are all here for ya!

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Posted by HappyPlanner

cheer up all, it's the holidays...remember you will have a wonderful holiday, happy new year and a wonderful wedding!!!!!

for better for worse..we are all here for ya!

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Thank you!!!

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

Hey Cindy, everyone has given you such great advice but I just want to point out again that even though things were said - you WILL get past it. It will take time but you WILL get past it.

I once told my FH I hated him. It was the most hurtful thing I've ever said to him and it really hurt him deeply. It happened in September or October of this year (you can look for a poll I did asking if anyone's said it). I thought it was unforgivable but guess what? We're past it and as much in love as ever. He still loves me and wants to marry me.

I know it seems now that you won't ever forget the things you said or the things he said but you will. Not forget, but it will be a thing of the past. And remember, one of you were drunk so that makes it worse - words-wise.

I must have used 'forget' and 'past' a million times in this post. Sorry!

Chin up - give your relationship more credit than you are.

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\

Thank you thank you. I just came back from lunch with my girlfriend from work. I just needed to get out and breathe some fresh air.

I feel truly lucky to have great girls like you who have given me such levelheaded advice. It's truly appreciated.

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

Oh wow, I just read the above posts...

I don't want this to be a debate.... I really appreciate everyone's opinion. Thanks for all the support. I am SO appreciate of everyone.

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I'm sure you are... you seem very genuine and i def have been in that same situation plenty of times! it passes... it all does... just have to have them learn from their mistakes! if its something that bothers you, you have every right to bring it up with him! maybe after you both had time to cool down, you can discuss it without that yelling, screaming, etc... and have a better outcome

good luck gurl!

eta: its sad when everything becomes a debate... if the OP doesnt have a prob with what someone said, then we should all just overlook it too... try to eliminate some arguements at least!

not debating.


Just want to state an opinion and help a fellow 08er. I wont argue this.

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Posted by Kimbalina

not debating.


Just want to state an opinion and help a fellow 08er. I wont argue this.

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You're super sweet. Thank you...

Hope everything works out, don't worry you still have time to work things out before the official 'Holiday'!

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

Oh wow, I just read the above posts...

I don't want this to be a debate.... I really appreciate everyone's opinion. Thanks for all the support. I am SO appreciate of everyone.

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I'm sure you are... you seem very genuine and i def have been in that same situation plenty of times! it passes... it all does... just have to have them learn from their mistakes! if its something that bothers you, you have every right to bring it up with him! maybe after you both had time to cool down, you can discuss it without that yelling, screaming, etc... and have a better outcome

good luck gurl!

eta: its sad when everything becomes a debate... if the OP doesnt have a prob with what someone said, then we should all just overlook it too... try to eliminate some arguements at least!

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is there an arguement? im starting to think on these boards if somebody would say 'i like cheese' and another person said i hate cheese that would be considered a huge arguement.

I don't care to argue especially on this thread but kim and i just were telling someone that a persons FH shouldn't be made out to be a horrible person bc of 1 thing, and how does advice like that even help and since when is it a bad thing to help someone feel better.

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

Oh wow, I just read the above posts...

I don't want this to be a debate.... I really appreciate everyone's opinion. Thanks for all the support. I am SO appreciate of everyone.

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I'm sure you are... you seem very genuine and i def have been in that same situation plenty of times! it passes... it all does... just have to have them learn from their mistakes! if its something that bothers you, you have every right to bring it up with him! maybe after you both had time to cool down, you can discuss it without that yelling, screaming, etc... and have a better outcome

good luck gurl!

eta: its sad when everything becomes a debate... if the OP doesnt have a prob with what someone said, then we should all just overlook it too... try to eliminate some arguements at least!

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is there an arguement? im starting to think on these boards if somebody would say 'i like cheese' and another person said i hate cheese that would be considered a huge arguement.

I don't care to argue especially on this thread but kim and i just were telling someone that a persons FH shouldn't be made out to be a horrible person bc of 1 thing, and how does advice like that even help and since when is it a bad thing to help someone feel better.

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Thank you denise!

I've definitely had those kinds of fights. I promise it will be fine -- you just need time to cool off and talk it out.

you'll kiss and make up/.....we all go through stuff like this.....

ok, I will bring the raunch....just imagine the make up sex after this one!!!

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

I'm sitting here at work wanting to cry and I know we shouldn't talk to each other right now because we spent last night fighting and woke up this morning fighting again.

Things were said and I feel like nothing will be the same again. I'm so upset....

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I just wanted to say 'Thank you' to all the ladies that reached out to me via posting and FM's. Things are much better with FH and I. That Friday, he came home and was still upset. He went out to dinner with his friends. Saturday, I went to the gym in the morning and by the time I got back, he hugged me and everything was ok. I think it just takes time especially when mean things are said without thinking.

If anything, I feel like our relationship has grown and we were closer than ever during the holidays.

Again, thank you to everyone for your 's and thoughts.

YAY so glad things are better with the 2 of you!