Got into a fight with my FH

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Posted by mandag

I can understand why you were upset, because it is tough when you are worried about someone. One the other hand, I ALWAYS forget to turn my ringer on, and if he was there with other people just having a good time, it is totally harmless.

Also, I think it is really important to try not to fight with someone who has had too much to drink, that never ends well.

I would say - just apologize for your part in the situation, that maybe you overreacted and ask for him to be more conscientious in the future about letting you know where he is.

I definitely don't think this should be a 'make or break' fight in your relationship though. FH and I have had a few 'big' fights, and you have to realize that its hard AND wonderful to share your life with someone and the fights and resolving them teach you about each other and help you to learn to be a stronger couple.

HTH

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

So, just to give a little background. Yesterday, FH's office decided to play hooky and go to the movies and just go bar hopping all day. At about 7 pm he calls me to tell me he's still going out to another bar. mind you, they've been bar hopping all day. 11:30 rolls around and I call his cell phone. No answer.... I keep calling and calling and finally he answers and I can tell he's totally drunk and he's at this female co-workers apartment (with other people from his office) still drinking.

I guess what irked me is that I didn't hear from him for a long time and he was at a female co-workers apartment (with other people.) do you think I'm overreacting?

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if he was alone then that'd be REALLY wrong, but he was there with others although he should've called to let you know but i dont think this should be the end of a relationship...there are many times where a situation is so harmless but it just looks bad, i know ive been in some situations where it was nothing at all but it looked so bad and i realized oh god this looks so bad and i understand if someone gets mad. If he was out with a bunch of co-workers and everyone suggested going and urging him to go he probably just wanted to continue hanging out with everybody

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there is NO excuse of why he couldnt call you to tell you what was going on... You need to TRAIN him gurl!!! every one has a cell phone these days... i can see maybe if it was dead but even then, he could use someone elses just so you're not worrying... i've beaten that in FH's head and he always lets me know what hes doin/where hes goin... god forbid something happens, you would have no idea if hes ead or alive

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LOL i have a cell phone and i barely pick it up, i don't do it on purpose but i always leave it on vibrate bc of work and forget to put it back...theres been MANY times fh calls and i don't hear the phone and he'll call for a while, sometimes these things happen and i am doing absolutely nothing wrong when this happens.

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He left it on vibrate because of work and forgot to put his ringer back on!

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

So, just to give a little background. Yesterday, FH's office decided to play hooky and go to the movies and just go bar hopping all day. At about 7 pm he calls me to tell me he's still going out to another bar. mind you, they've been bar hopping all day. 11:30 rolls around and I call his cell phone. No answer.... I keep calling and calling and finally he answers and I can tell he's totally drunk and he's at this female co-workers apartment (with other people from his office) still drinking.

I guess what irked me is that I didn't hear from him for a long time and he was at a female co-workers apartment (with other people.) do you think I'm overreacting?

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if he was alone then that'd be REALLY wrong, but he was there with others although he should've called to let you know but i dont think this should be the end of a relationship...there are many times where a situation is so harmless but it just looks bad, i know ive been in some situations where it was nothing at all but it looked so bad and i realized oh god this looks so bad and i understand if someone gets mad. If he was out with a bunch of co-workers and everyone suggested going and urging him to go he probably just wanted to continue hanging out with everybody

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there is NO excuse of why he couldnt call you to tell you what was going on... You need to TRAIN him gurl!!! every one has a cell phone these days... i can see maybe if it was dead but even then, he could use someone elses just so you're not worrying... i've beaten that in FH's head and he always lets me know what hes doin/where hes goin... god forbid something happens, you would have no idea if hes ead or alive

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LOL i have a cell phone and i barely pick it up, i don't do it on purpose but i always leave it on vibrate bc of work and forget to put it back...theres been MANY times fh calls and i don't hear the phone and he'll call for a while, sometimes these things happen and i am doing absolutely nothing wrong when this happens.

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He left it on vibrate because of work and forgot to put his ringer back on!

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oh i really understand that...2 nights ago fh called me 7 times and i didn't hear it, of course i finally pick up and hes like where have you been, i went to go see my grandmother thats what i was doing.

I'll be honest, i dont like to be told i have to do things and have to log in my every move. I also don't like to do it to FH bc he is a grown man, i dont have children yet so dont want to baby anybody. Not saying you do this but i am getting to a point lol, see with my ex he expected me to call him to let him know my everymove and if i didnt he would get mad, the fact that i felt it was an obligation bothered me ALOT, and when i did call to let him know where i was going it would just be like uhmmm yeah i am going here ok goodbye and id be annoyed about it...FH though is not a demanding person but of course like all of us like for our SO to be considerate and respectful, so whenever i do something or if i am out and go somewhere else i call him bc i want to and i always do it so fh always knows where i am. He also calls to tell me even when hes just going to get a carwash or to the store which honestly i dont think he needs to either. Point is that if a person feels like OH NO i have to call this person and how do i explain where i am going, and oh no its been a while since i called, i know he/she will fight with me and i just want to have a good time so i wont call now and just have fun and deal with the consequences later. If a person feels more at ease and not as an obligation they do it more freely

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

So, just to give a little background. Yesterday, FH's office decided to play hooky and go to the movies and just go bar hopping all day. At about 7 pm he calls me to tell me he's still going out to another bar. mind you, they've been bar hopping all day. 11:30 rolls around and I call his cell phone. No answer.... I keep calling and calling and finally he answers and I can tell he's totally drunk and he's at this female co-workers apartment (with other people from his office) still drinking.

I guess what irked me is that I didn't hear from him for a long time and he was at a female co-workers apartment (with other people.) do you think I'm overreacting?

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if he was alone then that'd be REALLY wrong, but he was there with others although he should've called to let you know but i dont think this should be the end of a relationship...there are many times where a situation is so harmless but it just looks bad, i know ive been in some situations where it was nothing at all but it looked so bad and i realized oh god this looks so bad and i understand if someone gets mad. If he was out with a bunch of co-workers and everyone suggested going and urging him to go he probably just wanted to continue hanging out with everybody

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there is NO excuse of why he couldnt call you to tell you what was going on... You need to TRAIN him gurl!!! every one has a cell phone these days... i can see maybe if it was dead but even then, he could use someone elses just so you're not worrying... i've beaten that in FH's head and he always lets me know what hes doin/where hes goin... god forbid something happens, you would have no idea if hes ead or alive

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LOL i have a cell phone and i barely pick it up, i don't do it on purpose but i always leave it on vibrate bc of work and forget to put it back...theres been MANY times fh calls and i don't hear the phone and he'll call for a while, sometimes these things happen and i am doing absolutely nothing wrong when this happens.

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He left it on vibrate because of work and forgot to put his ringer back on!

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oh i really understand that...2 nights ago fh called me 7 times and i didn't hear it, of course i finally pick up and hes like where have you been, i went to go see my grandmother thats what i was doing.

I'll be honest, i dont like to be told i have to do things and have to log in my every move. I also don't like to do it to FH bc he is a grown man, i dont have children yet so dont want to baby anybody. Not saying you do this but i am getting to a point lol, see with my ex he expected me to call him to let him know my everymove and if i didnt he would get mad, the fact that i felt it was an obligation bothered me ALOT, and when i did call to let him know where i was going it would just be like uhmmm yeah i am going here ok goodbye and id be annoyed about it...FH though is not a demanding person but of course like all of us like for our SO to be considerate and respectful, so whenever i do something or if i am out and go somewhere else i call him bc i want to and i always do it so fh always knows where i am. He also calls to tell me even when hes just going to get a carwash or to the store which honestly i dont think he needs to either. Point is that if a person feels like OH NO i have to call this person and how do i explain where i am going, and oh no its been a while since i called, i know he/she will fight with me and i just want to have a good time so i wont call now and just have fun and deal with the consequences later. If a person feels more at ease and not as an obligation they do it more freely

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Totally get your point! I really do. I think what set me off is that I knew he was drinking since two in the afternoon and it stressed me out. I guess I just haven't had a 'drinking binge' like that since college.

I totally appreciate your feedback and I'm seeing my faults and where I reacted irrationally.

Thank u...

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

So, just to give a little background. Yesterday, FH's office decided to play hooky and go to the movies and just go bar hopping all day. At about 7 pm he calls me to tell me he's still going out to another bar. mind you, they've been bar hopping all day. 11:30 rolls around and I call his cell phone. No answer.... I keep calling and calling and finally he answers and I can tell he's totally drunk and he's at this female co-workers apartment (with other people from his office) still drinking.

I guess what irked me is that I didn't hear from him for a long time and he was at a female co-workers apartment (with other people.) do you think I'm overreacting?

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if he was alone then that'd be REALLY wrong, but he was there with others although he should've called to let you know but i dont think this should be the end of a relationship...there are many times where a situation is so harmless but it just looks bad, i know ive been in some situations where it was nothing at all but it looked so bad and i realized oh god this looks so bad and i understand if someone gets mad. If he was out with a bunch of co-workers and everyone suggested going and urging him to go he probably just wanted to continue hanging out with everybody

---

there is NO excuse of why he couldnt call you to tell you what was going on... You need to TRAIN him gurl!!! every one has a cell phone these days... i can see maybe if it was dead but even then, he could use someone elses just so you're not worrying... i've beaten that in FH's head and he always lets me know what hes doin/where hes goin... god forbid something happens, you would have no idea if hes ead or alive

---

LOL i have a cell phone and i barely pick it up, i don't do it on purpose but i always leave it on vibrate bc of work and forget to put it back...theres been MANY times fh calls and i don't hear the phone and he'll call for a while, sometimes these things happen and i am doing absolutely nothing wrong when this happens.

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He left it on vibrate because of work and forgot to put his ringer back on!

---

oh i really understand that...2 nights ago fh called me 7 times and i didn't hear it, of course i finally pick up and hes like where have you been, i went to go see my grandmother thats what i was doing.

I'll be honest, i dont like to be told i have to do things and have to log in my every move. I also don't like to do it to FH bc he is a grown man, i dont have children yet so dont want to baby anybody. Not saying you do this but i am getting to a point lol, see with my ex he expected me to call him to let him know my everymove and if i didnt he would get mad, the fact that i felt it was an obligation bothered me ALOT, and when i did call to let him know where i was going it would just be like uhmmm yeah i am going here ok goodbye and id be annoyed about it...FH though is not a demanding person but of course like all of us like for our SO to be considerate and respectful, so whenever i do something or if i am out and go somewhere else i call him bc i want to and i always do it so fh always knows where i am. He also calls to tell me even when hes just going to get a carwash or to the store which honestly i dont think he needs to either. Point is that if a person feels like OH NO i have to call this person and how do i explain where i am going, and oh no its been a while since i called, i know he/she will fight with me and i just want to have a good time so i wont call now and just have fun and deal with the consequences later. If a person feels more at ease and not as an obligation they do it more freely

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Totally get your point! I really do. I think what set me off is that I knew he was drinking since two in the afternoon and it stressed me out. I guess I just haven't had a 'drinking binge' like that since college.

I totally appreciate your feedback and I'm seeing my faults and where I reacted irrationally.

Thank u...

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i completely understand and you have a right to be mad...i just mean when you make up let him know it was bc you were worried and not like he is obligated to do so...not sure how the fight started this morning but maybe part of it had to do with him feeling he has to do things so just in case thats the problem, emphasize on the being worried part

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

.

I'll be honest, i dont like to be told i have to do things and have to log in my every move. I also don't like to do it to FH bc he is a grown man, i dont have children yet so dont want to baby anybody. Not saying you do this but i am getting to a point lol, see with my ex he expected me to call him to let him know my everymove and if i didnt he would get mad, the fact that i felt it was an obligation bothered me ALOT, and when i did call to let him know where i was going it would just be like uhmmm yeah i am going here ok goodbye and id be annoyed about it...FH though is not a demanding person but of course like all of us like for our SO to be considerate and respectful, so whenever i do something or if i am out and go somewhere else i call him bc i want to and i always do it so fh always knows where i am. He also calls to tell me even when hes just going to get a carwash or to the store which honestly i dont think he needs to either. Point is that if a person feels like OH NO i have to call this person and how do i explain where i am going, and oh no its been a while since i called, i know he/she will fight with me and i just want to have a good time so i wont call now and just have fun and deal with the consequences later. If a person feels more at ease and not as an obligation they do it more freely

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Posted by Nc82

Dont be sadddddd

I think we've all felt that way, one time or another....just last week, I wanted to literally suffocate my FH w/ a pillow while he was sleeping lmao

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Nc82

Dont be sadddddd

I think we've all felt that way, one time or another....just last week, I wanted to literally suffocate my FH w/ a pillow while he was sleeping lmao

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aww, thanks!

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Posted by Fyre

I dont' think you are being unreasonably upset.
I think you have every right to be upset with FHs behavior. After all, you are MARRIED NOW. Hello, that means he puts you first, to my way of seeing things. It means that he needs to look at things he does that might hurt you.
This was immature, hurtful behavior. Leaving you to wonder where he was, and then him siting totally drunk at someone's home, and you alone?
You might do this when you are boyfriend-girlfriend and then, even though not acceptable, it's semi understandable.
His actions are those of a 15 year old boy who goes out and plays hookey and then doesn't want to go home cause he's in trouble.
I think that you have alot of gumption, and while I don't believe in going to bed angry with FH, he also wouldn't pull this.
However, it sounds like you are really having a hard time. If you are feeling upset, then maybe you need to take care of yourself. I wonder if you did the same thing how he'd feel?
I know things will be ok-rough patches happen in ever marriage. Know I'm thinking of you and take it easy on yourself.

All the best,
Fyre

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

So, just to give a little background. Yesterday, FH's office decided to play hooky and go to the movies and just go bar hopping all day. At about 7 pm he calls me to tell me he's still going out to another bar. mind you, they've been bar hopping all day. 11:30 rolls around and I call his cell phone. No answer.... I keep calling and calling and finally he answers and I can tell he's totally drunk and he's at this female co-workers apartment (with other people from his office) still drinking.

I guess what irked me is that I didn't hear from him for a long time and he was at a female co-workers apartment (with other people.) do you think I'm overreacting?

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Posted by novia26

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

So, just to give a little background. Yesterday, FH's office decided to play hooky and go to the movies and just go bar hopping all day. At about 7 pm he calls me to tell me he's still going out to another bar. mind you, they've been bar hopping all day. 11:30 rolls around and I call his cell phone. No answer.... I keep calling and calling and finally he answers and I can tell he's totally drunk and he's at this female co-workers apartment (with other people from his office) still drinking.

I guess what irked me is that I didn't hear from him for a long time and he was at a female co-workers apartment (with other people.) do you think I'm overreacting?

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Let me tell you.. I was on the other side of this l ast weekend. I told my FH I was leaving soon around 11:45 and I didnt make it home until 2 AM!!! I never called to tell him where I was, why I was taking so long, and he got so upset. I wasn't drunk, and I think sometimes when people are drunk they are more argumentative.. but I can tell you... the next day... when he explained why he was so angry... and I really thought about it.. I FELT TERRIBLE!!!! knowing that I made him feel so much anxiety thinking I was on the side of the road somewhere... and I am sure FH will have the same realization. He just has to have a clear head and really think about it.. Hope it works out!! I am sure it will... it actually made me see how much |FH really does worry and love me... hopefully FH will realize the same.