This is ridiculous and I've just about had it with one of the bms....i've posted this before, and the issue is she still hasn't put down a deposit on her dress..Now I find out she got a $200 tattoo (this was a few weeks ago) then I find out recently that yesterday she took herself on a shopping spree to vs to buy $150 worth of panties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! would you keep her in the bp at this point or drop her out?
cammolax23
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
has she said to you she doesnt have money?? I would call her out on it and say point blank 'if you dont want to be my wedding just tell me, stop waisting all of our time??' and if she gives a round about answer then boot her!
Mrs. V 2008
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by cammolax23
has she said to you she doesnt have money?? I would call her out on it and say point blank 'if you dont want to be my wedding just tell me, stop waisting all of our time??' and if she gives a round about answer then boot her!
yes!! she has complained several times she doesn't have money! and she even complained that my bachelorette party is costing too much!!!
yelley77
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
If she's stressing you and not making this easy for you, i'd drop her. No one needs added stress during wedding planning!!
missK
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I would ask her if she thinks that your wedding isnt as important to her as it is to get a tattoo. Talk to her and see maybe shes just not a right fit for your bridal party. I went thru the same thing and its very stressing. You start to watch every $ she spends other than on your wedding. Mine came around Ask her to go with you to the Bridal store for something and tell her while your there she can sport the $$ to put down Afterall you are going.
Now that I read above GIve her an out if she wants it
Mrs. V 2008
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by yelley77
If she's stressing you and not making this easy for you, i'd drop her. No one needs added stress during wedding planning!!
thanks! I'm almost 99 % im dropping her..i can't take this anymore
madseason
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I would tell her to put up or step down...thats it no more games...
Ask her straight out if she wants to be a bm....if shen does she has 5 days.
Put byour foot down... accepting to be a BM is a RESPONSIBILITY!!!!
cammolax23
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by Bride 2 Be
Posted by cammolax23
has she said to you she doesnt have money?? I would call her out on it and say point blank 'if you dont want to be my wedding just tell me, stop waisting all of our time??' and if she gives a round about answer then boot her!
yes!! she has complained several times she doesn't have money! and she even complained that my bachelorette party is costing too much!!!
thats ridiculous... I dont get how people cant save $200 in year for a dress ior another say $300 for a bach party you KNOW is going to happen!!! DROP HER! and make is seem like its her fault so you dont look like the bad guy!
I Love my bear
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Ahh I had a very similar situation, all my BM's except one put the deposit down on the dress before Nov, and I made it clear pls put the deposit down before Nov, and they had more than a month's notice. Ok so every week I'm 'nicely' reminding her to the point I'm losing my mind over this. She had already tried the dress on in the city where she lives, ok that was a whole big accomplishment in itself. Ok fast foward three months,,,she just last week (in JAN) the very absolute last minute decides to put the deposit down!!! She didn't even have to go there in person just make the phone call and BTW she lives the CLOSEST to the the shop where I'm ordering the dresses from. One of my BM's lives over two hrs away and was able to go there in time, to try it and pay for it. I don't get people sometime, I know she didn't mean to but she caused me ALOT of aggravation and unnecessary extra stress.
mnd1202
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
i would drop her, i had the same problem...no consideration
madseason
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by Bride 2 Be
Posted by cammolax23
has she said to you she doesnt have money?? I would call her out on it and say point blank 'if you dont want to be my wedding just tell me, stop waisting all of our time??' and if she gives a round about answer then boot her!
yes!! she has complained several times she doesn't have money! and she even complained that my bachelorette party is costing too much!!!
then why be a bridesmaid? Ugh it makes me sooooo mad!!!! What happened to a bridesmaid being a position of honor...and bms wanting to help brides out and make their day so special!
They are causing grief! Ive had it up to here with my bm probpems and it sounds like u have too...
give her the boot...
I Love my bear
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
If you're ok with it I would drop her, bc it starts w/this and doesn't end there, if she doesn't care about the dress and and your wedding, she's unlikely to give a crap about the other events, bridal shower, bacholerette party, RD and what not. I know in my case I was just being stubborn b/c I pictured my 'problem' bm in my wedding and I'm going to keep her in it, but all and all it would have saved me a lot of aggravation if I just dropped her. She's giving me a hard time to meet up (I've been trying to arrange a bm brunch and see 27 dresses afterwards and she's the only one that never has the time), doesn't respond to emails/phone calls about the bacholerette party and avoids all wedding related conversations w/me. So I say drop her.
empressdani
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
let her go. I had almost the same situation w/ my now ex BM. She couldn't give $150 for a dress but 'lent' a guy who was NOT her bf and treated her like crap a grand! It wasn't that she didn't have the money its that she did not want to spend it on her dress. I figured ti was a direct representation of her lack of happiness and care for me. Cut her loose, this behavior will keep going clear through the shower to the bachelor party to the wedding.
mRm2008
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
At this point I don't think she is worth the aggravation. If you don't feel upset about not having her in your wedding then just tell her your decision.
ChristineAaron08
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
tell her to either put the deposit down and quit b!tchin about the $$$ or take a hike.
yeah- its people business what they do with their $, but when she is spending like crazy and not putting deposits down for weddings she agreed to be in then later tater!
The is an obvious financial obligation to being in a BP so whats the big surprise for some people??
missK
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by cammolax23
Posted by Bride 2 Be
Posted by cammolax23
has she said to you she doesnt have money?? I would call her out on it and say point blank 'if you dont want to be my wedding just tell me, stop waisting all of our time??' and if she gives a round about answer then boot her!
yes!! she has complained several times she doesn't have money! and she even complained that my bachelorette party is costing too much!!!
thats ridiculous... I dont get how people cant save $200 in year for a dress ior another say $300 for a bach party you KNOW is going to happen!!! DROP HER! and make is seem like its her fault so you dont look like the bad guy!
I agree but tell her it is her fault the bride is always right shes the bad BM. And remind her its a privledge you have stripped her of
bluegreen08
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by Bride 2 Be
This is ridiculous and I've just about had it with one of the bms....i've posted this before, and the issue is she still hasn't put down a deposit on her dress..Now I find out she got a $200 tattoo (this was a few weeks ago) then I find out recently that yesterday she took herself on a shopping spree to vs to buy $150 worth of panties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! would you keep her in the bp at this point or drop her out?
Did she say it's because she doesn't have the money? Maybe she's just flakey. I'd give her a deadline and tell her the dress needs to be ordered and the deposit paid by X date. Tell her you aren't going to chase her around, she's had however much time to save up the $$$ and if it's important to her she'll take care of it in the allotted time window.
If she says no, or she can't do it you can just say that you don't want to have to nag her every step of the way, and she should want to be a part of your bridal party. If she says she doesn't have the money, you can tell her that maybe it's best for her not to be a BM --- she had plenty of time to save up and if she still can't afford the deposit on her dress you don't want this to be a giant financial burden on her or added stress for you. if you want to keep your friendship intact, you can tell her you love her and she's very important to you but if this is going to be a big financial burden you'd rather just let her step out gracefully rather than chase her around for money she doesn't have and potentially ruin your friendship.
If she gets mad at you or says she'll take care of it on her own and to get off her back, tell her that you'll hold her at her word to take care of it by X date, but that you'll be really upset if she lets you down. maybe she just needs a fire under her asss.
She shouldn't have to spend all of her money on being in your wedding party, but if it was a priority for her she'd make an effort to take care of it.
Autumn08
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Personally, I would be a little annoyed if a friend of mine was keeping track of my spending habits. But I do understand you being upset with her. I just don't suggest bringing up her purchases when you talk to her about being in the bridal party. I would stick to the facts. That she agreed to be in a BP which includes buying the dress, planning the shower and bachelorette party. Unfortunately weddings bring out the ugly truth about people sometimes. Obviously this is someone who is being selfish and impulsive and in the process is hurting your feelings and friendship.
madseason
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by Autumn08
Personally, I would be a little annoyed if a friend of mine was keeping track of my spending habits. But I do understand you being upset with her. I just don't suggest bringing up her purchases when you talk to her about being in the bridal party.
thats true....its not the best idea to bring that up...but bms are supposed to be of help to the bride and not be argumentative...i mean u asked them bc she is special and a friend...and it should be returned. I feel like its a sign of disrespect.
Just tell her time is now...if not the wedding is going on without her in it...train is leaving..(insert metaphor here)
Autumn08
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Re: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Posted by madseason
Posted by Autumn08
Personally, I would be a little annoyed if a friend of mine was keeping track of my spending habits. But I do understand you being upset with her. I just don't suggest bringing up her purchases when you talk to her about being in the bridal party.
thats true....its not the best idea to bring that up...but bms are supposed to be of help to the bride and not be argumentative...i mean u asked them bc she is special and a friend...and it should be returned. I feel like its a sign of disrespect.
Just tell her time is now...if not the wedding is going on without her in it...train is leaving..(insert metaphor here)
I was rereading my post and re-edited it before I saw you reply.
