Guest list conflicts-need help!

We are starting to list the guests to get an estimate number of people...I gave the list to my future mother in law who added 22 couples (her friends). That's 44 additional people! I almost lost it (I did lose it once I got home with my FI). She's insisting that I invite them although my FI and I are playing for the entire wedding ourselves. Not sure how to handle...any ideas?

Guest list conflicts-need help!

I would tell her that you guys are on a budget and that anyone else invited over your original list, SHE MUST pay for. Why should you have to pay for them if you don't know them? I can understand its YOUR wedding, but since they are HER friends and she wants them there, she should foot the bill!!!

How we are handling this situation

Since Scott and I are paying for the entire wedding (minus my gown and the ceremony music, gifts from my parents) I explained to all parents that we would make out our guest lists, anyone not on our list can be invited at the expense of who wants them to attend. Since my parents have a number of friends that they want invited, they have to pay for their per person cost at the reception. They felt that was a very fair way of doing things. Also, I did not include some distant relatives that I have never met before. Same rule applies. Maybe you can explain to your FMIL that you cannot afford to pay for an additional 44 people (that adds up real quick) and that if she would like them to come she will need to pay for per person cost. If she gets upset just explain that you are not trying to hurt her feelings but you are not prepared to pay that much extra for your reception. Also, don't let people tell you that it is not big deal because you will make your money back. I know plenty of brides who didn't. And besides you still have to pay all of the fees upfront so 'making it back' doesn't help you much.

How we are handling this situation

I agree with everyone else -- let her know it's not in your budget. That is quite a number of extra people. And michele31 is right you don't necessarily get gifts from everyone. I know there were a few guests who did not get us a gift.

How we are handling this situation

I agree with the previous comments...my own story...my parents are giving us about 1/3 of the cost of the wedding...Even then, my mother wanted to invite people that she works with...and OFFERED to give us more money for those people (I think we will tell her not to worry about it because they are giving us so much already)...FMIL added 2 people that we didn't know and let it slide, but 44 is a lot of money...Explain it to her in dollars...If you are paying $100 pp plus tax and gratuity (18+9=27) $127*44=$5500!!! If you tell her in those numbers, she might see why it might be a big deal... good luck

How we are handling this situation

I agree with all the previous posts - michele31 and yabbobay gave great advice. You have to be very clear about your limitations, and be sure to emphasize that you are not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. Good luck!

Thanks everyone

I agree with ALL of you...thanks for the advice. Great calculations, Yabbobay! It would be an additional 5,500. It's actually more considering I have to order more invites, favors, 4 more centerpieces, etc. I'm going to say something next weekend when I see her, and try to keep 'my cool'. Maybe she'll ofter to pay for her friends. I know most of them WILL come (she told me). I really don't want all these people but I don't want to cause a problem. I'll let you all know what happens after 'the talk'.

What we did

We asked for our parents lists and asked them to be conservative. We than stated that the list was divided in three my husband's parents are divorced. I their alloted guest list went over they pay for the extras. They were very understanding since they were informed of the per plate cost. Good luck. I would also suggest your Fiance talk to them or you both together not just you alone.

Nicola

How did everything go at WCC? Anything you can recommend to me for my July wedding? Also, did you drop things off there before the wedding day? How far in advance did you finalize everything (Menu, etc)? THANKS!

Nicola

The wedding went well despite Sept. 11. As you may recall I got married the weekend right after. We did drop off our favors, bathroom basket, placecards ext. a week before. Things ran smoothly. I would suggest you note where you want to take pictures as the day go so fast we missed some great places to take pictures. Like the front entrance and the piano. I can't think of anything else at the moment but will write more as the ideas come to me. Good luck.