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Guest list drama... Help

MCA1180 Posted:

Guest list drama... Help

jgl Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

i would just tell her that she is invited to the wedding. that you have remained friends with her over the years and it wouldnt be right to exclude her. Then leave it up to her to decide whether she can be adult enough to attend the wedding with her there. and i wouldn't sit them near each other, just so they arent in each others faces worrying about what the other is doing.

MJDoc12 Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

it's your wedding....invite whomever you want to be there. if they are truly adults, they should be able to co-exist in the same room.

if you want to forewarn your friend, that's fine, but i hope she doesn't pull any type of 'if she goes, i won't go' crap. either way, just invite them and that's it...no biggie!
Blondie77 Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

i have the SAME EXACT dilemna.....except both will be bridesmaids. they haven't spoken in years and i never mentioned one to the other. after i got engaged i started casually talking about them to each other - just so they would both know i still was friendly with the other and it wouldn't be a shock later.

it will be hard but honestly they both mean a lot to me - and i'm sure its the same in your situation. its your wedding and it would be very VERY tacky for either of them to start drama on your wedding day. i'm sure they both know that. for that reason i say this is one thing you SHOULDN'T worry about. good luck and i feel your pain!
MCA1180 Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

Thanks for the advice ladies...

I know it would be very tacky... I just can see the both of them forgetting where they are for a minute and just going at it...

stealthgroom Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

All these ladies said it so eloquently. Let Jen know you're still friends with Lisa, and that their both invited to the wedding and let her work it out for herself. If they both come, ask them both to be civil and seat them apart from each other. If it were me, I'd also let someone I trusted know about the situation so they can keep an eye on things for me if both Jen and Lisa end up at the wedding. Who knows, maybe their friendship will return over this joyous occasion?

the stealth groom
(no pizza and no whiskey make stealthgroom... something something)
chatxleau24 Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

sweetie invite them both. dont lie t jen or worry about her finding out. she's a grown up right? she'll deal with it.

empressdani Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

ditto...i'd invite them both and let the chips fall where they may. They're big girls, they can handle it....and if not the chick fight will be a great floor show....i kid, i KID!!!
mishmosh328 Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

If you want them both there, then invite them both. Its your wedding afterall!

But I would tell them that they are both invited and let them decide if they want to attend. I think when they sit down and think about it, they would feel childish not attending your wedding over something so stupid and they would make the adult decision to attend and keep to themselves and not ruin your wedding.
Snickers76 Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

Posted by empressdani

ditto...i'd invite them both and let the chips fall where they may. They're big girls, they can handle it....and if not the chick fight will be a great floor show....i kid, i KID!!!




faithandkevin Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

I had a similar issue. One of my friend's BF's doesn't like 2 guys in our group. He said, 'Oh so-and-so are invited, don't sit me near them, etc.' And I told him that my wedding is small, I'm not going to worry about who he gets along with, I'm going to worry about me and my FH b/c it's our day. He got the point.

cookiemonster Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

i agree with everyone on here who said invite them both. but, i really think it's a bad idea to lie to jen and pretend like you just ran into lisa out of the blue. if you consider lisa a good friend then it would kind of cheapen your friendship with her to pretend like you JUST decided to start talking again. hopefully the time that has passed has matured them both enough that they don't start drama. if one of them decides not to come because the other will be there, then i guess you know who your real friend is. sorry you have to spend time worrying about this!
KRISTYRUSSELL Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

Just invite them, and do what you want, I mean its about you not them, they have to grow up sometime....right.......I have a similar circumstance with my best friend who is a bridesmaid and my brothers fiancee who is not is the bridal party, she caused a little bit of a problem at my shower two weeks ago, what a mess, she is mad she is not in the bridal party and she is also jealous of Pauline being in my bridal party, as my brother dated pauline over 16 years ago, very casually, I think she needs to get over it and deal with planning her own wedding, she is not getting what she wants from her own planning and I dont expect to be in her bridal party....I was so upset and pissed....but hey now I just feel like she made a fool out of herself the day of MY shower, it was my day not hers......so just do what you feel is right and go with the flow, dont let anyone stop you... but I have to say, I feel like I have to tiptoe around my brothers fiancee because its a sour subject for her, come on Its the Brides day remember that....

july06bride Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

invite them both, they are both your friends and wouldnt be fair to not have them there..

mention to each friend that the other is going to be there- casually in conversation- so that they are prepared

do not sit them at the same table- sit them far apart

I have to say, do you really think they would physically fight or argue? I don't speak to a friend that other people speak to but I would NEVER confront her at someone else's wedding/party for that matter- I would even say HI and leave it at that...

if you think they are going to 'fight' you may want to have a talk with them before hand, they are your friends, they will understand!
KickinDandelions Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

Well technically it's not like you hid your friendship with Lisa from Jen and lied to her...right? You just stopped mentioning Lisa. So it's not your fault that Jen assumed you cut off ties with Lisa.

I think you should sit Jen down before the wedding and tell her you've kept your friendship with Lisa because their drama is between the two of them and does not involve you. Tell her that Lisa has been a good friend to you and you want Jen to know that you've decided to invite Lisa to the wedding. Tell her that though she may not understand your decision, you wanted her to know beforehand so that she's not surprised and that you hope this will not cause any problems on your special day. Let her know that you did not want to play favorites and that it is your wish that the two of them be able to share in this happy occasion. Tell her you will make sure they are not seated together and that you hope she accepts this and will still be happy for you because it would mean a lot for you to have her there. Hopefully she'll realize it's not about her and you're not trying to hurt her or anything..and that you just want the people you care about to be a part of your day.

good luck
SoontobeMrsO Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

I would let them both know ahead of time that you will be inviting the other.

thelastresort Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

Invite both of them but give them the heads up. If Jen has a problem with you having been friends with Lisa all of this time, that's her problem, not yours. I wouldn't make up a story. It is what it is. Just be honest, hope that they come and hope that they act like adults. Good luck!

Adamsgrl Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

invite both just seat them in different areas of the room, and you know what we are all adults you can still be friends with someone if you other friend is not, i am so happy high school drama is over and done with,.

remember its your day not jenn or lisas invite the people you want and will be happy for you.

good luck
October Bliss Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

That scenario sounds all too familiar, although in my case I am the one that had the falling out with 'your Lisa.' In my case, 'Lisa' heard 'Jen' was going to be in NY and invited her to come visit (she also invited me in an attempt to rekindle the friendship). Problem was 'Jen' was in NY to attend my wedding, to which I had not invited 'Lisa'. 'Jen' and I discussed the whole thing, and we never told 'Lisa' why she was in NY, nor did either of us go to see her (I just never answered the email).

Follow your heart. If you want them both, invite them both. They'll behave.
Kara and Todd Posted:

Re: Guest list drama... Help

Personally, I really think it's about time you told Jen the truth.

ETA - Inviting them both and praying they don't run into each other is just inviting drama at your wedding. If they had such a falling out that you can't even mention Lisa's name around Jen, then Jen is not going to be happy to just find out you've been friends with Lisa all this time when she runs into her at the wedding. She deserves to be told the truth ahead of time so she knows.

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