FH and I are paying for our wedding and trying to keep to a certain budget. When planning our guest list we consulted our parents and we all agreed that when it comes to our parents friends, we should keep it to who FH and I feel the most connected to. Both our parents are sometimes invited to weddings of people they don't know b/c the parents are paying and invite their business associates, co-workers and friends, but to keep this an intimate (and affordable) event, FH and I definitely didn't want to do that.
So after our engagement party, we received gifts from a few people who weren't invited, nor are they on the wedding list. We were touched and of course appreciatitive, but these are people whom I barely know. My mom went to one of their daughter's wedding so I think she felt an obiligation to give us a gift , but my mom also knew their daughter very well growing up. I can't say the same.
FH hasn't even met any of these people. It feels like proper etiquette would be to invite them b/c they sent a gift, but now we're struggling with the guest list and desperately need to shave it down. Would it be horrible to B list them?
hunnybunnyxoxo
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Re: Guest list etiquette question (long)
i think you should def. b list them! i have a different yet similar situation and i think i may have a 2nd rsvp card with a later date for my b list...
hth!
diva7531
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Re: Guest list etiquette question (long)
Def. B-lit them, ppl will understand if you are paying for the wedding. And if they don't do you really want someone like that at your wedding? Also if the list doesn't allow for them to come, send them a card announcing your marraige to let them know you thought of them!
charisma
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Re: Guest list etiquette question (long)
Def b list them..and stop driving yourself crazy just send them a nice thank you card with a handwritten note...
magbride
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Thanks. Don't know why I'm stressing so much over it, but you feel bad slighting anyone.
My boss (engaged too) just told me she's received gifts from people she's not inviting.
Marchbride07
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B list! DOn't feel bad! It happens!
Future Mrs.
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not horrible at all! I would absolutely do the same thing. If your parents really want them there, perhaps they can contribute to the cost of the wedding? I don't think your parents expect you to invite their friends if they are not chipping in to cover the cost.
thelastresort
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Re: Guest list etiquette question (long)
Definitely B list them. Or, my mom kind of went and solved the problem for us. She lets people think that we are paying for the whole wedding so she'll say 'Oh, it's so hard for the kids having to pay for this wedding. They really had to keep the guest list to only immediate family and close friends only. It's too many people.' That way she didn't have to feel obligated to invite her co-workers, business associates, etc. b/c it looks like she has no control on the guest list situation. She thought of that all by herself too!
portjeffbride
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Re: Guest list etiquette question (long)
they're not in your immediate circle of friends, and if they find out the wedding is a really intimite gathering (vs their children's weddings) I doubt they'd be offended....
mskittynj
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It woudln't be horrible to put them on a B list. You gotta do what you gotta do! XOXOXO Kitty
magbride
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Posted by lollipop
Definitely B list them. Or, my mom kind of went and solved the problem for us. She lets people think that we are paying for the whole wedding so she'll say 'Oh, it's so hard for the kids having to pay for this wedding. They really had to keep the guest list to only immediate family and close friends only. It's too many people.' That way she didn't have to feel obligated to invite her co-workers, business associates, etc. b/c it looks like she has no control on the guest list situation. She thought of that all by herself too!
She's too funny!
MrsQ-in2007
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Re: Guest list etiquette question (long)
If they sent a gift just to be nice after your engagement party (but you didn't invite them to, nor did they attend, your engagement party) then you have no obligation to invite them.
B list them! Personally, I don't care if we had all the money in the world - I wouldn't want my parents coworkers, business associates, etc. at my wedding unless they were close friends. I want to KNOW the people at my wedding
