Guests adding guests on their RSVPS

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Posted by FalNBill

I can't stand the fact that people take it upon them sleves to add more guests on to the list, with out even asking... You HAVE to say something... I know it may be hard because you dont want to hurt anyones feelings, but this is not right... Give them a call and just explain to them that you wish you could accomadate more guests but you have a set budget that you must stick to... If they cannot accept that then they really need to re-think who's day it is and who's party they will be attending.. Im sure they wouldn't want to be in your position.

If all else fails - tell them your RH dosent hold more than 200 people and you RH will not allow any other guests... put the blame all on them!

But Honestly - dont let them get away with this and dont feel badly about it either!

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I agree!

That is really annoying...for my e-party I said no kids and about 10 showed up!!!!!!! I specifically wrote Mr and Mrs...not family!! I cant imagine going through with that at my wedding...

and I knew of some girl that would actually crash weddings for fun...I just gave her a nasty face when she told me PROUDLY that she did it...can we say trashy?????

GL! I know it is such an awkward & embarrassing experience - my invites did not go out yet but our relatives & friends know that we are not inviting any children except the one's in our BP's.

My cousin (twice remove) called my office last week asking me to include her son to the BP (I said I can't) & so she said she would really like to bring her 4 year old son to the wedding (does not trust a sitter). I was caught offguard. LOL - I felt trapped & said YES but had to call her back (2 days after rehearsing my speech) & explained calmly that I would love to have her son at the wedding but I have a very limited number of guest & it would also be unfair to some of our guest that have children (she did not even waited for the invites to go out).

That is so unbelievably rude.
Who does that?????

i know how you feel....we had invited one person ( his mom's friend) she in return wrote 5!!!! she included her kids!!

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Posted by JennyAl

i know how you feel....we had invited one person ( his mom's friend) she in return wrote 5!!!! she included her kids!!

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OMG! That's CRAZY! What did you do?

This sounds so crazy - I dread having to go through this myself when the time comes.

I already let my general family know that I am absolutely having no children (except my FG) at the wedding. I even told my two friends (they're married) that they can't bring my godchildren there. I am just hoping that when they see Mr & Mrs __________ (without & Family added onto it) that they'd get the hint.

I am not going to tolerate anyone trying to add on a extra guest because my future in laws are paying the bulk for the RH.

I'd stick to my guns if I were you.

I wonder if we worded the response card like this would they get the idea.


We have reserved ___ seats in your honor.
M___________________________
{ } Accept with pleasure
{ } Decline with regret
Please respond by June 16, 2006

the blank for the number of seats to be filled out by the bride/groom/whomever is in charge of invitations.

Maybe add a polite line about no children.

ok I just googled it and came up with this as well from about.com:


Some guests will assume that their guests/dates/friends are of course invited, regardless of to whom you address the card. You can avoid these assumptions by writing “___ of ___ guest(s) will attend”, and then pre-filling in the second blank with the number of people that you are inviting. Some may find this slightly distasteful, but it certainly does get the point across!


Also came up with this as well (sorry so long):


Simple put, weddings are expensive. Every attending guest is a cost to the hosts. Irrespective of whether this cost is $30 per guest or $300 per guest, planning a wedding involves an infinite number of compromises. Although couples and their families would undoubtedly like to invite everyone that is some way related to the bride and groom, in most cases this is just not affordable or realistic. With that said, it is also an intricate balance not offend anyone.

Look carefully at the outside of envelope in which the invitation arrived in:

If addressed to you: your hosts are expecting you to attend the wedding unaccompanied. In situations such as this, every effort is usually made to seat you with other unaccompanied individuals and/or acquaintances of yours. For your peace of mind, (as the wedding date approaches,) it is not improper to ask the couple if other mutual friends have been invited unaccompanied so that you may arrange to arrive at the wedding with them. This might be attractive situation for you if you are single, unaccompanied and attending an evening wedding with concerns about not having a ‘date’ for the event.

If addressed to you and 'guest': your hosts anticipate that you will invite the date/guest of your choice for the afternoon/evening. Confirm your plans promptly allowing you to send your RSVP as soon as possible. Clearly indicating your guest's name is significant if the couple are to personalize your date's/guest’s place card, (if being used.)

If addressed to you and your significant other: your hosts intend that only the two of you will attend. Unfortunately if you have children, they are not included if the invitation is stated as such. The ceremony/reception may not be a child-oriented event or this was used as a measure to maintain costs. Also noteworthy is that this is the couple's special day, and perhaps children do not readily fit into the picture they have of their dream wedding. Try not to take offence to such situations, instead find a sitter and enjoy yourselves. Perhaps other couples that you know attending the wedding are in the same predicament as you find yourself in. Pooling together resources and hiring one sitter for all the children is an option. Ensure that you clearly indicate whether just you or your and your significant other will be attending when you send your RSVP card. This courtesy will allow to the hosts to plan accordingly.

If addressed to you, your significant other (if you have one), and indicates your children's names as well: everyone is welcome. Similarly this is the case if the invitation reads 'and children' or 'and family' after your names, or if it is addressed to 'the _ _ _ _ _ family'. Once more, when you send your RSVP card, specify how many from your family will be attending as a courtesy to your hosts.

It is never appropriate to ask the couple or the hosts to let you bring extra people, even your children. If the exclusion of your children is such a problem that you can not attend without them, simply send your regrets, stating that family matters prevents you from being able to attend, and leave it at that.

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Posted by DGoldfarb0776
Simple put, weddings are expensive. Every attending guest is a cost to the hosts. Irrespective of whether this cost is $30 per guest or $300 per guest, planning a wedding involves an infinite number of compromises. Although couples and their families would undoubtedly like to invite everyone that is some way related to the bride and groom, in most cases this is just not affordable or realistic. With that said, it is also an intricate balance not offend anyone.

Look carefully at the outside of envelope in which the invitation arrived in:

If addressed to you: your hosts are expecting you to attend the wedding unaccompanied. In situations such as this, every effort is usually made to seat you with other unaccompanied individuals and/or acquaintances of yours. For your peace of mind, (as the wedding date approaches,) it is not improper to ask the couple if other mutual friends have been invited unaccompanied so that you may arrange to arrive at the wedding with them. This might be attractive situation for you if you are single, unaccompanied and attending an evening wedding with concerns about not having a ‘date’ for the event.

If addressed to you and 'guest': your hosts anticipate that you will invite the date/guest of your choice for the afternoon/evening. Confirm your plans promptly allowing you to send your RSVP as soon as possible. Clearly indicating your guest's name is significant if the couple are to personalize your date's/guest’s place card, (if being used.)

If addressed to you and your significant other: your hosts intend that only the two of you will attend. Unfortunately if you have children, they are not included if the invitation is stated as such. The ceremony/reception may not be a child-oriented event or this was used as a measure to maintain costs. Also noteworthy is that this is the couple's special day, and perhaps children do not readily fit into the picture they have of their dream wedding. Try not to take offence to such situations, instead find a sitter and enjoy yourselves. Perhaps other couples that you know attending the wedding are in the same predicament as you find yourself in. Pooling together resources and hiring one sitter for all the children is an option. Ensure that you clearly indicate whether just you or your and your significant other will be attending when you send your RSVP card. This courtesy will allow to the hosts to plan accordingly.

If addressed to you, your significant other (if you have one), and indicates your children's names as well: everyone is welcome. Similarly this is the case if the invitation reads 'and children' or 'and family' after your names, or if it is addressed to 'the _ _ _ _ _ family'. Once more, when you send your RSVP card, specify how many from your family will be attending as a courtesy to your hosts.

It is never appropriate to ask the couple or the hosts to let you bring extra people, even your children. If the exclusion of your children is such a problem that you can not attend without them, simply send your regrets, stating that family matters prevents you from being able to attend, and leave it at that.

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I WSH I COULD HAVE PRINTED THAT OUT AND SENT IT WITH MY FRIGGIN INVITE!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHHA
imagine? that would really get the point across---
why are people so tacky? i totally thought that by addressing the front of the envelope with exactly who i wanted, i would have no problem---5 people added a 'guest' and one family is so ticked off at me that i didn't invite a sister that now i'm not so sure that any of them will show----and one of them is in my bridal party
<>
why do people make it so difficult?

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Posted by MissAngel

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Posted by JennyAl

i know how you feel....we had invited one person ( his mom's friend) she in return wrote 5!!!! she included her kids!!

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OMG! That's CRAZY! What did you do?

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he had told him mom this....but she was like what can i do....she dint want to say no she cant bring her kids...his mom offered to pay for them....but i was forget it.....but at least she knows it bothered us..,,,,

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Posted by JennyAl

he had told him mom this....but she was like what can i do....she dint want to say no she cant bring her kids...his mom offered to pay for them....but i was forget it.....but at least she knows it bothered us..,,,,

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Wow - good for you being so calm! This whole subject is actually one of my biggest fears too...We invited everyone with dates so that no 'surprise adults' would show, but the kids...We're inviting 2 (my niece & his 1st cuz), but I'm scared someone might do that and add 2 or 3 kids to their RSVP card. If that happens, I know that I'm not going to be as zen about it...my FH might have a major freak-out on his hands lol

Good luck with this Angelina

I would take this on a case by case basis.
Start Make phone calls to people that are more distant to you, and to whom it iwould cause fewer waves if you 'offend'. With closer family members and friends, it is easier to eat the money than to deal with long term repercussions.

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Posted by FalNBill

If all else fails - tell them your RH dosent hold more than 200 people and you RH will not allow any other guests... put the blame all on them!

But Honestly - dont let them get away with this and dont feel badly about it either!

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I agree !! What a great way to tell them NOOOO WAY you cant bring someone LOL...

I had the same problem. People are tacking on their ADULT children (17, 21, 30). We have 4 adult children tack-ons. Then I had a friend tack on a friend of his....but he knows no one at the wedding. The only way I look at it is: Their gifts should REFLECT the fact that they are tacking on guests. I make it PERFECTLY CLEAR to everyone how much it costs per person.

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Posted by MissAngel

I totally agree with you - it sux that you've got this extra stress now Good luck!

For those of you who have experienced this, out of curiosity, who did you find people were adding the most? Was it their kids, random friends and/or dates or people that they had been seeing for a while, but whom hadn't been invited (due to $ or room size restrictions) ? I've always assumed that it was kids, but I'm starting to wonder if that's the case...?

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One of our guests is a widow and has attended many events alone. We invited her alone and she added her adult son as a guest. UGH!