Guests with NO GIFTS

Has this happened to anyone? We have around eight guests (four couples) who have not given gifts. They basically came empty handed. We are thinking, perhaps we lost their envelopes, but I doubt we lost any. Has this happened to anyone? If so, what did you do?

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

Maybe they left it at home, maybe they couldnt afford it. What to do? Thank them for coming and move on...The point was they were there not that they didnt give a gift.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

It's also possible that they plan on sending you a gift at your home. A lot of people don't want to burden the couple with having to carry home large boxes from the reception--if they planned to give you a registry gift rather than a check.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

I wasn't looking for a snotty response. I was just looking for other bride's experiences with this situation. It is only respectful to bring a gift. But thanks for your insight!!!!

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

We got stiffed by around 10 COUPLES.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

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Posted by jenniesunshine

It's also possible that they plan on sending you a gift at your home. A lot of people don't want to burden the couple with having to carry home large boxes from the reception--if they planned to give you a registry gift rather than a check.

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I would tend to agree with Jen. Is it at all possible that there were envelopes and they were mislaid or left out in the open? Things do disappear. ALso, very possible if you are registered they plan to follow up with a gift off registry -- many people do that in a thoughtful fashion so as to avoid making you carry something esp. if soon going off for HM. Give it a little bit of time. If nothing comes soon, send reg TY for coming -- no mention fo gift. If they did not send for reason like cannot afford,m they will appreciate the showing that you have moved on. But it is a subtle way -- if no gift is mentioned, when they will relaize oops she got nothing. Last but not least, double check the registries -- things happen, orders get placed and go nowhere -- we bought a gf lovely china from Bloomie's registry and much later found out -- somehting had been wrong with the address and she never got it and they never told us. SO you never know. Congratulations, btw, newlywed!

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

wow...thats crazy. people can a least give a little token of their appreciation for your day even if they cannot afford it.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

thanks for your reply. I tend to believe however that we got all the envelopes. and my registry is perfect, no missing items, etc. i was not surprised however by those people who did not gift if you know what i mean.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

I didnt intend my response to be snotty. It was my opinion that some people cannot afford gifts and in the big picture it shouldnt matter. YOU invited them, it's sad to me that people expect eveyone to give them something. It's only a few people, I would say you were lucky. You said ' i was not surprised however by those people who did not gift if you know what i mean. ' So then the best thing to do would be to let it go.

Sorry if my response wasnt what you were looking for.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

I know it's not right to expect a gift from your guests, but I personally would never go to a wedding empty-handed. If I couldn't afford a gift, I would politely decline the invitation. I agree with another post about sending a normal TY for coming to your wedding but with no mention of a gift and see what happens.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

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Posted by cmastro25

I know it's not right to expect a gift from your guests, but I personally would never go to a wedding empty-handed. If I couldn't afford a gift, I would politely decline the invitation. I agree with another post about sending a normal TY for coming to your wedding but with no mention of a gift and see what happens.

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You would decline the invitation??
What if I got laid off and my sister was getting married and I didnt have money, I shouldnt go to her wedding? I dont know why I even read these posts, I get so aggravated.

I'm sorry that I 'm sensitive to this, but coming from someone who never had a lot of money, I feel a wedding is a celebration of love and the people I invite are there to witness the sacrement of marriage, not hand me a gift , and when I go to a wedding, I may bring a gift but if I couldnt I most certaintly would still go because I'm there to celebrate their marriage and if all I can give is my presence then so be it.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

dm24angel,

Yes, I would decline an invitation. I personally would be very embarassed to show up at a wedding with no gift. However, if it was my sister or someone VERY close to me, I would explain my situation to them and would attend.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, so there's no need to get aggravated or attack anyone here.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

It is not that your response wasn't what I was looking for, it's that you automatically judged me as being selfish and materialistic. The people who did not bring gifts are very well off and some are actually quite wealthy. The response I was looking for was basically .... how do i go about finding out whether gifts were lost or left at the reception hall.

Don't automatically assume people are attacking you or your beliefs in these posts. And common, your example about a poor sister - I think people are a little more sensitive than that.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

WOW- I apologize you two took it so seriously..I was stating my opinion. I for one would not attack anyone for how they feel so please don't say that I did..I did not.

I would wonder too based on the situation you stated. I would ( because you asked ) ignore it. I was simply saying what I would do.

I'm not judging or saying either of you are wrong for what you stated.

I have a problem with gift giving at weddings in general, and I did state it was MY problem...so dont feel attacked as I was again simply stating how I feel and think...it was not personal.

I didnt feel attacked either, I'm ok with thinking differently.

I dont think there is an easy way to figure out if the gifts were lost or not, so thats why I would send a thank you in case they were.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

my friend had a similar situation and I suggested having someone else who is friendly with the guest who didn't apparantly give a gift (assuming a check) ask if that person's check was cashed. Like, making it like they were wondering bc it had been a few weeks and their's wasn't (a little fib, but will elicit a response that will let you find out what they had done). Just a suggestion....

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

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Posted by dm24angel

I didnt intend my response to be snotty. It was my opinion that some people cannot afford gifts and in the big picture it shouldnt matter. YOU invited them, it's sad to me that people expect eveyone to give them something. It's only a few people, I would say you were lucky. You said ' i was not surprised however by those people who did not gift if you know what i mean. ' So then the best thing to do would be to let it go.

Sorry if my response wasnt what you were looking for.

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I don't think she was asking for an opinion, just if it happened to other people.

We have not received gifts from about 7 couples and we had one bounced check. We actually have received two checks in the mail since we got married, one just the other day. And two of them have mentioned about sending a box (that is why they did not bring it to the wedding) to my DH. I am actually kind of shocked by the peopel who have not given anything, but i guess you live and learn and move on.
Just as a side note to you, I am not sending thank yous to the non-gift people. I actually got a card from someone with no gift in it and am sending them a thank you. I find it very disrespectful to go to a wedding a not even give a card. My thank you for coming and celebrating is free food, drink and a favor. I believe thank you cards are for people who give at least a card to wish you well....

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

For me, my thank you cards did not have the words 'thank you ' pre printed on them. I read somewhere that etiquette says a thank you card should never have those words preprinted.

Now, everyone who attended my wedding did give a gift. Even people who I know struggle financially put $25 in a card.

BUT, one of DH's aunts who did not attend was insistent that our gift was on its way. She sent a card for the wedding, but we never did get that gift.

So, we sent her one of our thank you cards. It was calligraphied on the front to say 'Susan and John'

On the inside, we attached a small photo and wrote,

'Dear Aunt Jane,

Here is a photo from our wedding. Enjoy!

Love,
Susan and John'

So, I am sure she realizes that we never received a gift...

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

JIMO I think if you go to a wedding you should bring some sort of a gift. In no way does it have to be the monetary equivalent of the guests plate but it should be 'whatever your means can allow'. I was raised that you don't go to someone's house empty handed so I think it is especially wrong to go to a wedding.

Now I know this specifically was not on this post but it has existed on this board... On the other hand, as for those couples/families who expect to make the money back on their wedding... no one forced you to spend the equivalent of $200 or more per plate. I think that's completely presumptuous. No one made you to get all of the extras, that was your choice. Yes, I have declined invitation to co-workers or acquaintances weddings because I didn't have the money or didn't know them well enough to write out a $250. check.

Yes, I think it's wrong to be invited anywhere, especially to a wedding, and come empty handed but I think it's even worse to expect your guests' gift to be the equivalent of a 'cover charge' towards the expenses you incurred which I'm hearing more and more of.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

We had one person attend and not give a gift. We sent her a TY for coming and called it a day.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

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Posted by dm24angel

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Posted by cmastro25

I know it's not right to expect a gift from your guests, but I personally would never go to a wedding empty-handed. If I couldn't afford a gift, I would politely decline the invitation. I agree with another post about sending a normal TY for coming to your wedding but with no mention of a gift and see what happens.

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You would decline the invitation??
What if I got laid off and my sister was getting married and I didnt have money, I shouldnt go to her wedding? I dont know why I even read these posts, I get so aggravated.

I'm sorry that I 'm sensitive to this, but coming from someone who never had a lot of money, I feel a wedding is a celebration of love and the people I invite are there to witness the sacrement of marriage, not hand me a gift , and when I go to a wedding, I may bring a gift but if I couldnt I most certaintly would still go because I'm there to celebrate their marriage and if all I can give is my presence then so be it.

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I understand what you're saying but to be honest, not all people think like that, a huge, huge, huge percentage of couples expect a gift regardless--and I think they have every right to --but to be quite honest once again, some women/couples or whoever, turn around and say 'well why bother coming'--I've seen it! I've heard it!