Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

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Posted by David'sbride

JIMO I think if you go to a wedding you should bring some sort of a gift. In no way does it have to be the monetary equivalent of the guests plate but it should be 'whatever your means can allow'. I was raised that you don't go to someone's house empty handed so I think it is especially wrong to go to a wedding.

Now I know this specifically was not on this post but it has existed on this board... On the other hand, as for those couples/families who expect to make the money back on their wedding... no one forced you to spend the equivalent of $200 or more per plate. I think that's completely presumptuous. No one made you to get all of the extras, that was your choice. Yes, I have declined invitation to co-workers or acquaintances weddings because I didn't have the money or didn't know them well enough to write out a $250. check.

Yes, I think it's wrong to be invited anywhere, especially to a wedding, and come empty handed but I think it's even worse to expect your guests' gift to be the equivalent of a 'cover charge' towards the expenses you incurred which I'm hearing more and more of.

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I'm sure if these 'wealthy' people attended your wedding, they will send a gift/check after the fact unless they are just totally clueless?

I also agree that it's wrong to attend a wedding w/o bringing or sending a gift in advance. However, many people are aware that guests who intend to give a gift can still send one up to a year after the wedding - even the wealthy people get a year.

I am not from NY but have spoken to friends about my wedding planning. I have a friend (over 60 years old) tell me that she would just give us the cash to cover her and her husband's plates since she knows us well enough to give us money instead of a gift. It really does seem like a cover charge to me too. Some people apparently think it's rude to give money if they are not really close. I never considered that but it could be the case with the couples that did not give checks at the wedding.

Maybe all your registry items were purchased? Maybe they are contemplating what to do since cash/checks may seem rude if they are not really close friends?

I too have declined weddings since I felt like it was a huge investment of time and money to attend. I recently cancelled on a wedding since the invitation said 'Monetary gifts appreciated' or something like that - with the quotes.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

We got stiffed by 4 couples - all who didn't make the wedding... one couple, we went to their wedding and they couldn't make ours - they prob. figured they don't have to send us something. The others just never sent us anything and I don't plan on sending them any kind of note or thank you.
But that's just me...

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

We had a couple of peopel not give a gift. I never found an envelope from one of my friends, not even just a card wishing us well. DH's cousin was supposed to have mailed us a card while we were on our HM, but we haven't gotten that yet. We also had two couples cancel the day before the wedding. Maybe this is rude of me, but I think they should definitely send us a gift. I had already paid for their plates and they certainly didn't give me enough time to even attempt to get my money back from the hall.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

We had quite a few cards waiting when we got back from our honeymoon and others have mentioned that they are sending them. It's a very sticky situation. We have aq couple of no gifters and I just worry that maybe the cards were lost or picked up.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

As a newlywed, I went through this myself--we had quite a few people not give us a gift or even a card, and I felt really bad this past weekend, where I attended a wedding out-of-town and we forgot to bring a card to give to the bride and groom. We are planning on giving sending them this week a card with a check (we know that is what the couple perfers over an item from their registry), but I know that I should of at least brought a card that said congratulations.

We did come home to find two cards and check gifts in the mail and we are heading towards three months past our wedding, so the adage that people have up to a year to get you a gift seems to be the thinking of a lot of people still.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

I would not attend a wedding without at least a card. A card is $2.50. There are some things that you just know to do. I mean, would you go to a black tie wedding wearing jeans and sneakers? No.

We did not invite people in order to get gifts. That's like saying that people give gifts only to get thank you notes. Of course that's not why you give a gift...and yet, when you do, you DO expect a thank you note because that's what is polite to do and it's rude not to send one.

We had 2 people not give us wedding gifts, and that was fine - we didn't care about the money. One of them is very poor and we didn't expect or want a gift. But to be honest, we did find it odd about the other person, considering that he is well-off, and has been married himself, and we just wondered what his reasoning was, that's all.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

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Posted by kdrainey
I too have declined weddings since I felt like it was a huge investment of time and money to attend. I recently cancelled on a wedding since the invitation said 'Monetary gifts appreciated' or something like that - with the quotes.

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I would probably also decline an invitation that noted 'monetary gifts appreciated' as well, unless it was a close family member. My fiance keeps saying, 'Can't we just tell them we want money?' and I keep telling him 'No! That's so tacky!!'

I have a strong suspicion that a few of our guests will not give us a gift (or even a card) at the wedding. But since they are family members, I will just shrug my shoulders and move on.

Re: Guests with NO GIFTS

On the other hand, as for those couples/families who expect to make the money back on their wedding... no one forced you to spend the equivalent of $200 or more per plate. I think that's completely presumptuous. No one made you to get all of the extras, that was your choice. Yes, I have declined invitation to co-workers or acquaintances weddings because I didn't have the money or didn't know them well enough to write out a $250. check.
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I totally agree.. while I expect a gift I don't expect to cover the cost of the wedding. A little token within the financial means of the guest is expected. I went to friends wedding a few years ago. I was jobless and in grad school full time. I CLEANED OUT my bank account to get her a 100$ lenox frame. I know that in the brides mind it sucked but I think that the propotional amount/ to income was great. I was making 150$ every two weekds at the time. I know that she has bad feelings about it. She has been known to say 'I gave my boss that I don't even know that well 300$ so I give friends a lot more'!!!!!! i had a friend say today that she was shocked that her brother's friend went to a wedding with a guest to East Wind and only gave 150$. Well no one forced them to have a wedding at East wind. Just my opionin.. gift giving has gotton out of control. i don't feel that guests should be punished or looked upon badly becasue they didn't cover the cost of the dinner you planned. I guess I feel that way because I have a lot of OOT guests and the covering the cost notion is very NY and I know I will not get anything close to the cost of two plates from 80% of my guests.

I know this wasn't the point of the thread.. just wanted to get this off my chest because I just had this topic come up in a convo today....

As to your dilema... Send a card to every guest ..gift or not thanking them for celebrating the day with you. If they sent a gift that was lost they will find a way to let you know when they read that you didn't specifically mention it in the thank you.