Had a meltdown tonight........hurt by my bridal party

Hi Ladies, tonigt im upset, seriously upset, been crying for 2 hours. Let me explain. I am the kind of bride who doesnt ask much of my bridesmaids, just Buy your dress.

if you couldnt come to the engagement pary its ok. If you coudnt come to the bridal shower, i understand. If you couldnt come when every other girl came to try on dresses, its ok ill make time to go with u whenever is easiest for you. If youre busy with your own lives,dont worry i dont need much help with planning, when u have time thatd be great! i wanted everyone in one bmdress, but it was tooexpensive so i wentwith a more affordable one. Some girls thought my color choice would look really bad on them cuz of their weight or skin tone, so i changed my colors so theyd be comfortable. THey didnt like the thin sash, so I paid an extra 300 dollars for the thick sashes for each girl, leaving them to only pay an extra 10 added to their alteration bill!! i bought them DOJ so they wouldnt have to. I alsobought them each a set of pearls and made them a tote bag filled with everyting they would need the weekend of the wedding, so they wouldnt have to worry about them! I told them to wear any shoes they want sothey dont have tospend extra money. When some asked if tey could take off the DOJ, or said they dont wear earrings that rntgold, i said ok just please wear them for photos then change them afer ceremony! when asked if they could change out of the dress half way throug the nigt i said ok, when theydidnt want to pay toget theirhair or makeup done i said ok, when i asked for help putting invitations together i was told they wre busy, i said it was fine......i havent gtten any help from thm except for the one girl who lives in Jersey and my sister. At the bridal shower only karen (from jersey) and my sister helped with anything, 3 bms missed it. 1 missed my engagement party as well. no one calls to see how im doing if i need anything, and when i call them they dont answer and dont call back for lik a week. I knowthey r busy, but they said yes to being bridesmaids.

So all this has been on my mind, then my sister tells me today that the bridal party, my so called best friends, are giving her a really hard time wit the bachelorette party. it was supposed to beat one place, but was too expensive so she changed it. she planned it back in october so the grls could save up. Everyone told her they would go.

this week she received calls from each of thegirls, that they cant go or tht she has tochange it to only one night. The only 3 able to go right now is my sister,karen, and my cousin (who is paying to put herself through college but put the money away and askedher mother toohelp her!) . These are the others:

One girl: my own big sister in my sorority, didnt come to my engagement party cuz she had a bachelorette party for somone she hated in college but has become friends with now. she didnt come to my bridal shower cuz she had a law test monday (it was sunday-she ws in the city the shower on long island). now cant come more than one night? but can go to someone she hated for 4 years bachelorette party?!

my little sister (sorotiy), one of my best frieds, whose been telling me sinceday one she would go, now has a boyfriend and all of a sudden cant go?! she just got home from france, a random trip she decided on with friends, and cant go away for 2 nights with me? if she told her parents she wanted to go theyd send her!

my so called best friend since lik6th grade, goes to mohegan sun with her boyfriend once a month, but cant afford to go away withus now?!


should i keep going? i have 9 girls all together. its getting me more upset and annoyed thinking about it!!! i didnt ask for much, i even said make it at home i dont care!!! then i said cancel it all together. but why is it that when i ask for one thing, its a major problem?! I would do anything for these girls!!!! ANYTHING, but from what i have learned tonight, they wont for me.

you may think im being spoiled and selfish, but im not. my sister said, come up with another idea even less expensive here at home, we can do that, but none of them came up with any ideas for her!!!

Theres something i learned tonight, that one of u girls mentioned when i first joined LIW, that u learn whoyour true real friends are during the time u r planning ur weddng.

thanks for listening ladies ........ if u have any advice for me, i could use it. i feel very hurt and alone rght now. when i tried to talk to FH about it he says'Scr ew them'. thats not a response that helps at all.

No word of wisdom, just support. I am so sorry. They should be there for you. You have bent over backwards for them. DO NOT let them continue to do so. Maybe sending them an e-mail explaing how you feel? Hugs.

Sweetheart, I know it hurts!!!! Both my girls. Debi, last year, and Donna, this year, have discovered who their true friends are. The best I can offer, is I'll pray THE LORD convicts these gals, that they are certainly not being true friends to you and need an attitude adjustment, AND, according to all you've just said, you have bent over backwards for these girls!!!!! Elyse, I love you, and care about your feelings!!!! I need to skadaddle to bed, but I will pray, as soon as my head hits my pillow, that something changes here!!!!!!!!!! Mary MOB

oh no!!!!!! sorry you are going through this I can imagine this is difficult. Its hard to predict why your friends are being unresponsive. I would think that they know the responsibilities of agreeing to be in a wedding it is mostly to help you not to stress you. You're not being sellfish...don't think that
Funny and this is true...for some reason weddings bring out the worst in people and you'll get to see who's who. Friendships can break up over things like this....take it easy, do your best and go w/ the flow...it may be that it works itself out at the end. If it doesn't, have a heart to heart with each of the girls and find out what's going on before making any harsh decisions....we are here for you I hope and pray things work out for you.....don't stress mama

thanx ladies. ifeel like i have better friends in u girls than them, and most of u ive never even met!

i wanted to write a letter, but the jersey bm said she will talk to them for me, so im not getting more upset by their responses.

Im not bending over for them anymore. in fact,and i hate to sound like a bit ch but i want togive them the option and say if udont wantto be there and make me evena little happy and actually be a BM, then dont worry, im more than ok with u leaving the BP!!!!i also wanna now say everything has changed and they need to do EVERYTHING to help me!!!! i wouldnt, b ut iwant to!!

oooh and by the way, 2 of the girls who cant go for more than maybe one day (if they can swing it they said) (oneis the one who didnt come to eithr partyso far) have been in at least 3 other BP's and have been quite aware of what it entails!!!

Wow I think you have every right to be upset as anyone in your situation would. Seems like you went thru alot to accomodate them and they are just being b***hes! Just do the bacholorette thing with those that are willing and just ignore the others.

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you. It makes complete sense that you are hurt. They did say 'yes to the BM dress' and either need to buck up or back out gracefully.

For some reason, I think it's completely unacceptable for any of them to miss your shower. That's their time to really show their stuff as a group and it's their responsibility to be there so you can be with your guests.

I've missed a Bparty when it was scheduled at a time I said I couldn't make, from the beginning, but I made sure that I held up my financial contribution so the others wouldn't be burdened. I hope your sister and Jersey friend are making sure that happens.

Hey hun, You don't sound selfish or spoiled at all! Unfortuatley, some people just don't understand how it is until it it there turn. You sound like me, lol, you're being completely understanding, laid back and non-bridezilla-ish. lol. It sounds like you're trying your best to make all your BM's feel less stress with the costs. Whatever you do for your B-party have fun and don't stress about what your bm's do or don't do. Trust me, I'm doing the same. lol. Enjoy these last two months of planning and your BP!

i'm sorry that's what you are dealing with. you've been such a cool bride about everything! and you know, i know how it feels to be 'reminded' of who your true friends are. in your mind, you imagine how your BP will be, how your friends will be there, and then when they aren't, it's so hurtful. it's really heard to get over. but i think you should do what the other girls are saying too. first, either you or your friend say something to them and you know what, give them that choice to make, you'll feel stronger and less hurt by them - let them have a wake up call based on their crappy actions (and inactions!) and also, let this experience show you who your real friends are... sometimes you don't always wind up with as many friends as you thought you had...but you wind up with better friends than you thought you had too! i'm sorry you're down, but don't let them ruin this experience for you, don't give them that power! and PS you're not being a b-itch about it! be true to yourself!! you'll feel much better! and then you can go on enjoying this part of your life with your real friends!

You sound like the least LEAST selfish/spoiled person Ive ever come across.
1. You changed the dress you wanted
2. You changed the colors (I would NEVER do that SORRY)
3. You bought them the jewelry and then told them they dont have to wear it (again I would NEVER do that)
4. You told they could change the dress halfway through the night (ABSOLUTELY WOULD NEVER DO THAT)
5. You have been MOREEEEEEEEE than necessarily human accomidating to them. They would HATE me and IM SOOO NOT A bridezilla in the least EITHER, but this is ONCE IN A LIFETIME and they are your FRIENDS (or were supposed to be) whateva dress you chose, whateva jewelry YOU BOUGHT!, they didnt even buy it, whateva shoes you wanted THEY SHOULD WEAR WITH A SMILE!!!!!!! And be there to help you. Yes we are ALL busy, we all have lives, we all cant be there sometimes for EVERY lil thing for our friends, BUT they can show up and go out of their way for at least 1 thing! When my MOH cant make something with me I have another BM who can and THEY DO.
I recently had an 'issue' with my MOH and we have since talked and totally cleared the air and it was just major misunderstandings on both our parts and weve since seen each other which made things 1000 times better.
Have you thought about talking to these girls and letting them know how much they have hurt you? That this is the HAPPIEST and MOST EXCITING time in your life and you want to share it with your friends and you feel they dont show any enthusiasm/or happiness/ or joy for you or for your day? What is going on with them? You feel they dont want anything to do with you or the wedding?

Im sorry if this is offends you in any way, but the only people who are SELFISH, RUDE, HURTFUL and SELF ABSORBED are YOUR alleged 'friends' the only one who sounds nice is your friend from Jersey.

This is the one thing Ive learned, you realize who your TRUE friends are, in good times MORESO than bad. Its TRUE friends that can be 150% WHOLE HEARTEDLY happy FOR YOU with no strings attached. Ive had girls reach out to offer help that I would NEVER expect in a THOUSAND years and friends who I NEVER thought would turn their back on me HAVE.

So honestly, now you know their true colors and you now know where to place them in your life. It doesnt ease the pain now, but remember YOUR a GREAT person and you deserve BETTER than what these people are giving you. Take it where its coming from and when all is said and done, dont EVER go out of your way for them again! Karma is a ***** and GOD doesnt like ugly so it will come back to them in some shape or form, dont you worry about that =) Just dont cry and remember your getting married and have a WONDERFUL fiance (who dont get upset with his advice, thats just GUY advice! LOL) and you have too many wonderful people in your life to let these JERKS bring you down!!! =))

Sorry for the long post! LOL Had a lot to say on this!

I'm so sorry - you DEF don't sound like you're asking too much from them and it s*cks that they can't be there for you! Lots of !

I am in the exact same situtation and it *****. We can totally go out drinking and talk trash about all of them?

I am sorry, I really do know how bad it *****, makes me feel really unhappy leading up to what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.

ladies,

thank u all for the advice. i barely slept lastnight thinkin about how upset and annoyed they made me. ihave to work tody, and im exhausted. I will definitly take ur advice ladies. I amgoing to let Karen talk to the girls and see where it leads. if it doesntchange, im gonna let them know they cnan leave th bridalparty. I amvery disappointed in each of them.and when i seetheir photos of the trips they have gone on with other friends these past few months (like on Facebook this morning for one of them with a girlshe knows i hate), it just makes it harder.

Im fed up, and very upset by them.

Jenny, i will def take u up on that offer to go out for drinks, i sure could use one rigt now.

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Posted by elysemichelle

ladies,

thank u all for the advice. i barely slept lastnight thinkin about how upset and annoyed they made me. ihave to work tody, and im exhausted. I will definitly take ur advice ladies. I amgoing to let Karen talk to the girls and see where it leads. if it doesntchange, im gonna let them know they cnan leave th bridalparty. I amvery disappointed in each of them.and when i seetheir photos of the trips they have gone on with other friends these past few months (like on Facebook this morning for one of them with a girlshe knows i hate), it just makes it harder.

Im fed up, and very upset by them.

Jenny, i will def take u up on that offer to go out for drinks, i sure could use one rigt now.

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Good!! My semester is almost over so its time to party!!! Let me know when ur freeee

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Posted by JennyAPH

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Posted by elysemichelle

ladies,

thank u all for the advice. i barely slept lastnight thinkin about how upset and annoyed they made me. ihave to work tody, and im exhausted. I will definitly take ur advice ladies. I amgoing to let Karen talk to the girls and see where it leads. if it doesntchange, im gonna let them know they cnan leave th bridalparty. I amvery disappointed in each of them.and when i seetheir photos of the trips they have gone on with other friends these past few months (like on Facebook this morning for one of them with a girlshe knows i hate), it just makes it harder.

Im fed up, and very upset by them.

Jenny, i will def take u up on that offer to go out for drinks, i sure could use one rigt now.

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Good!! My semester is almost over so its time to party!!! Let me know when ur freeee

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sundays are best, or thursdays!

I am sorry that you are going through all this sweetie. I too had a few issues with my Bridesmaids over the months that I was planning. Started off with 8 and now I have 7. A much happier bunch...


You sound like you already are doing way too much for these women. Its your day sweetie. It should be all about you, you have already bent over backwards forwards and sideways for these women, and thats the problem right there. You are giving them too much and they are walking all over you.

I know you are getting close to the wedding and all this is just too much to handle, but I think you need to tell these women how they are making you feel and how this is affecting you. You need to do it asap since you are quickly approaching the wedding day. If they give you attitude back, well then, put them out! WHo needs them!! Not you! Your wedding day will be Fabulous with or with out them!! Its sad but true you find out who your real friends during this time period of your life.

Good Luck sweetie and keep us posted

im sorry i have really no advice but i read through the whole thing and totally related to you. im about ready to start posting facebook status updates asking for help :)

i guess you really learn who cares and who doesnt, went through something similiar last night with family actually. It s*cks but i guess just remember what the day is about, at this point the wedding means little to me its the marriage to the love of my life that matters, and no one else.

im sorry