This is my 1st go-around...so hopefully I do a good job.
QOTD - How do you deal with bridesmaids that you feel like you HAVE to ask?
I have a friend who is actually the friend who introduced me and my FH. She recently (last May) moved down south and since she moved, we've lost touch. In addition, we've been in bridal parties together where she's mentioned MANY times how she 'hates being a bridesmaid' and even made a joke when I saw her last month (she came home for a friend's baby shower) she said, 'Oh hey - don't even think about asking me to be a bridesmaid!' So - knowing how she feels about being a bridesmaid and how she's kind of strapped for cash (to fly home for the baby shower last month, a family member of hers paid for her to fly home) - I sat down with her and discussed her being part of our day. I asked her how she felt about being a bridesmaid especially since she made that comment to me and because I know how much money it costs... I told her that since she's so important to us, we want her to be part of my day but I don't want her to feel obligated to say yes to being in the bridal party.
Well. I thought that was her out. But no. She couldn't imagine NOT being part of our day...of course she wants to be a bridesmaid...she was kidding with her comment at the baby shower...etc.
Now, I'm getting married in Sept 2015, so I actually haven't officially asked any of the bridesmaids yet (only my MOH)... What do I do?
Ugh.
chrisandwill2015
Posted:
Member since
Have no fear - the QOTD is here!!! 6.23.14
Wow. Crickets...............................
takav
Posted:
Member since
Have no fear - the QOTD is here!!! 6.23.14
I can relate - I currently have a friend who I have known for years and was always a good friend, but for the last two years has started acting oddly towards me. She is currently giving me the cold shoulder because I had to miss an event of hers due to the fact that I couldn't be in two places at once, lol. I still haven't asked her and part of me doesn't even want to. Half of me feels like you should just invite someone to be a part of it if you have to think about it that much but half of me feels like you shouldn't have someone in your bridal party unless they are an unconditional friend, ya know?
IMO it sounds like you already put it out there to this girl and she does want to be a BM, yet you pretty much know she will jokingly complain about it nonstop. How many BMs are you having?
Kimberley2015
Posted:
Member since
Have no fear - the QOTD is here!!! 6.23.14
That's a tough one, however you did offer her an out and she did not take it. If anything she wants to be in your bridal party. I was in a similar situation and someone who I thought was my best friend, when given the opportunity of an out she took it and I have not seen her since. (she was going through a real rough time and I was there for her however once I got engaged she just distanced herself more and more) I would ask her but maybe in return jokingly say to her, ' No complaining about being a bridesmaid = )' trust me when I say everything will work out.
mab30
Posted:
Member since
Have no fear - the QOTD is here!!! 6.23.14
Unfortunately I couldn't have many friends (only 2!) in my bridal party because I didn't want too large of a party and FH and I both have 2 sisters each that we wanted to include. Granted I'm not close with his sisters, and would much rather have more friends in my BP, but I didn't want to start any drama. I have, however, run into this problem with the guest list. I feel like there are friends that I have to invite because I'm inviting the rest of the 'group' and that person would feel left out. Two specific examples: One girl that I was very close with throughout middle school and high school is also friends with one of my bridesmaids. We rarely see her and she never keeps in contact with us, takes weeks to respond to text messages, etc. Both myself and the BM have basically given up on her, although BM usually invites her to parties and she sometimes shows up (with her BF that we don't like). Since I got engaged she has asked myself and BM about the wedding, when it is, etc. I feel like she is expecting an invite and I don't want to hurt her feelings. We never had a falling out, we've just grown apart.
The other girl in question is one of my best friends from high school. We were inseparable while in high school but went to different colleges, and eventually lost touch. I still see her when we are both home and our group gets together, but I don't have any one-on-one conversations with her anymore. No texting, calls, FB messages, nothing. She also said some pretty rude things to me about getting engaged right before I did, such as she would never get engaged while still in school, wouldn't want anything less than a 2 ct ring, etc. But since I'm inviting the rest of our mutual friends, I feel like she would be super offended if I didn't invite her.
Normally I wouldn't have an issue with inviting both of these girls. I do enjoy them when I see them and have great memories with both. However, we are trying to desperately to cut our guestlist because our venue is small. In the end, I will probably end up inviting them anyway to keep the peace.
katder1108
Posted:
Member since
Have no fear - the QOTD is here!!! 6.23.14
That's a nice compliment that she is willing to be a bridesmaid for you and your day and seems to be excited about it! The only person I knew I wanted for sure was my MOH and we asked her like a week after we got engaged in 2012 lol! This past weekend I wrote a cute poem in a book for my flowergirl to ask her and made a ringpop in a wine glass (I'll post pictures later) to ask 2 of my bridesmaids. This weekend we are taking my other girls to a vineyard tour and asking them. Luckily, since we've been engaged we've kind of mentioned to our bridal party that we want them to be part of it so we shouldn't have any no's lol.
chrisandwill2015
Posted:
Member since
Re: Have no fear - the QOTD is here!!! 6.23.14
Posted by takav
I can relate - I currently have a friend who I have known for years and was always a good friend, but for the last two years has started acting oddly towards me. She is currently giving me the cold shoulder because I had to miss an event of hers due to the fact that I couldn't be in two places at once, lol. I still haven't asked her and part of me doesn't even want to. Half of me feels like you should just invite someone to be a part of it if you have to think about it that much but half of me feels like you shouldn't have someone in your bridal party unless they are an unconditional friend, ya know?
IMO it sounds like you already put it out there to this girl and she does want to be a BM, yet you pretty much know she will jokingly complain about it nonstop. How many BMs are you having?
I feel the same pain!! I'm having - with her - 6 total. And my cousin, who is my MOH, will not stand for the BS. I just don't want ANY drama...I don't want ANY complaining... I mean, I've been there for every one of these girls and I am not asking for ANYTHING.
The thing that scares me is the money part. She had to have someone pay for her to fly up here for another friend's baby shower and I feel like, will she even come up for my bridal shower?
Annoying.
chrisandwill2015
Posted:
Member since
Re: Have no fear - the QOTD is here!!! 6.23.14
Posted by Kimberley2015
That's a tough one, however you did offer her an out and she did not take it. If anything she wants to be in your bridal party. I was in a similar situation and someone who I thought was my best friend, when given the opportunity of an out she took it and I have not seen her since. (she was going through a real rough time and I was there for her however once I got engaged she just distanced herself more and more) I would ask her but maybe in return jokingly say to her, ' No complaining about being a bridesmaid = )' trust me when I say everything will work out.
I hope so. And you're right, I should definitely joke right back at her.
