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Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

nrvbrd Posted:

Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

Are any of your parents/relatives requesting that you do this?

I keep hearing it is proper and courteous, but I do NOT feel this way.

Why would I want someone there, that I hardly know and NEVER keep in touch with?
OctBride03 Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

I am not inviting anyone on my side that I have not seen or even met. My parents are not enforcing this either. It's not about whether I see it right or anything, but quite honestly if I got an invite from a very distant relative, I'd think they were nuts thinking I'm coming... no offense to ANYONE... this is JMO!
karen32 Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

i'm with lauren on this one!! so far my parents have been good about it - if there's a name on the list that i don't recognize - they are OUTTA here!! i'm not paying big $$ to feed people i've never met before. weddings should be about celebrating your new life with those who care about you! hard to care about you if they have never met you!!! in this case, blood is not always thicker than water!!

alina Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

We're actually are inviting a few people whom we don't care for coming, simply out of courtesy. I don't want someone speaking behind my back later on.

Yet, I have already has one relative ask if he can carpool with some other guests (whom he doesn't know) and another complain that the wedding is on the 5th of July, not 4th, so that the person has to take a workday off.... How nice of them.
Scoop Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

Most of the obligations were taken care of at my sister's wedding. She got married a year before me but I still had to invite some 'unknowns' to mine as well.

cluelessbride Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

My parents have suggested it, but since me and my FH are the only ones paying for the wedding, we're only inviting people that are close to us or our parents.

DarNTom Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

We just got engaged and are starting to get lits together. Our parents are completely driving us nuts with....... ' you have to invite your great uncle Morty' or 'Aunt Chealsea would be so hurt she used to babysit you when you were 9 months old'. We are completely horrified I am about to reconsider a big wedding at all.

MelTodd604 Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

I'm only inviting 160 people to my wedding, so I have decided to invite only close family and friends, I can't see inviting family I never see to my wedding.

butterfly20 Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

if your parents are paying for all expenses then dont worry about it.
if your paying for it yourself, then your on a budget and there is no need to.. im only inviting 120 people, and the farthest are an hour away in Conneticut
nrvbrd Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

We are paying ourselves.

atlastbride Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

FH and I are paying for our entire wedding. My parents are fine with whomever we choose to invite. However, my FMIL wants us to invite people that my FH has never even met. Fortunately, he told her up front that it was too expensive to invite unknowns to the wedding. We figure dif these people have never been around in 34 years of my FH's life for him to have met, they certainly don't merit a wedding invitation. FMIL was upset, but oh well...
jtodaro Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

our parents made us do this, dont worry none of them will come. at least in our case almost none of them are coming

alina Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

DarNtom, since you're in the beginning of the planning, you should decide how many people you want to invite first and then work from there, trying to kind of allocate the # guests that each family can invite...

Julybaby Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

My parents are only inviting family members that we have talked to in the last five years. My FI's parents, on the other hand, are inviting people they've seen twice in the last 25 years. They're even inviting an aunt whom they haven't seen since she moved to Israel about 40 years ago. My FI is arguing with this parents over this one. Yet, there are first cousins who live on the west coast and probably can't afford to come out for our wedding and his parents are not inviting them. We see them about once every couple of years and we enjoy their company. My FMIL believes that sending them an invitation would make them feel obligated to buy us a gift - but we don't care if they don't buy us a gift. She feels that we shouldn't send these cousins invitations, but we should send other family members and adult children of friends of the family, who they haven't seen in over 20 years, invitations.

Stavia Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

My mom ended up inviting ALOT of family members that I wouldn't know if I tripped over them(one even called me when we sent out our STD's because they thought I sent it the wrong person!). I personally think most of them won't come(almost all are out of towners). I just couldn't say no to my mom though because for one she's paying for the reception(& she didn't take anyone off my list). Secondly, we lost my Grandfather last June & she kept saying I only see these people at funerals & weddings & this is the wedding!

DarNTom Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

Yeah I guess inviting the people you know won't go is a nice gesture because at least they know you were thinking about them. I think our families are going to help us out with some of the expenses but I think that we are going to pay for the majority. I am not sure about the invite list though. Some of my family have been fighting for a long time so maybe they won't come.

b2b0803 Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

Apparently I'm to expect a list of guests my FH grandmother wants us to invite. No one I've ever met, so we don't even bring up the wedding around her hoping she'll forget! She gave her list to my FBIL before his wedding. But since we're paying for the wedding, I don't feel anyone should expect us to invite who they want, unless they show me the money!

ChristineC68 Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

My mother had me defer to my grandmother out of respect for more distant relatives to which she thankfully said - nah:)

My DH on the other hand invited all of his aunts, unlces and first cousins (about 50 people) - he didnt even know the names of half his first cousins
radiostar Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

I love your topics, Nvrbrd.

Yes girl...My mom is border retarded. It got really bad between my mother and I regarding this situation. I kept telling her NO. Eventually, she started to volunteer to pay for these long lost relatives. As long as she'll pay for them, I don't care.
danigirl0 Posted:

Re: Having to invite relatives you have not seen in 50 years...

since we are all taking part in the expenses of the wedding...i feel that if my parents want someone there that want to clebrate with, then they should have them. maybe you could have them pay for their guests that you do not approve of.

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