He He He He - need some jokes today please

Two blondes are walking down the street when one of them looks down and finds a mirror.
She picks it up, looks into it, and says, 'WOW! I know this person. I've seen this person somewhere before...'

The other blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, 'Duh, of course you have. That's me!'

OK OK ....
what do you call a shorty covered in Jergen's Natural Glow?


.......LATE FOR WORK! Crap.

lol - gotta go.

ooo they're gonna love me at work today

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Posted by shorty the pumpkin



OK OK ....
what do you call a shorty covered in Jergen's Natural Glow?


.......LATE FOR WORK! Crap.

lol - gotta go.

ooo they're gonna love me at work today

---

I can think of a different answer but I would have to move the thread to OT!

here's one:

guy walks into a bar on th e 30th floor of a high rise, another man is seated at the bar and says to the newcomer, i'll bet you $1000 that i can jump out of this window and float on air.

the newcomer says no way

so the guy gets up and does it and floats easily

the newcomer says, let me try, jumps out the window and plunges to his death

bartender says to the guy, superman you're a real jerk when you're drunk

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Posted by don424

here's one:

guy walks into a bar on th e 30th floor of a high rise, another man is seated at the bar and says to the newcomer, i'll bet you $1000 that i can jump out of this window and float on air.

the newcomer says no way

so the guy gets up and does it and floats easily

the newcomer says, let me try, jumps out the window and plunges to his death

bartender says to the guy, superman you're a real jerk when you're drunk

---

I LOVE that one

Excellent Don - thanks!

Any more??????

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared.

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, 'What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?'

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, 'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

A guy phones a law firm and says, 'I want to speak to my lawyer.' The receptionist says, 'I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week.'

The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, 'I want to speak to my lawyer.' Once again the receptionist replies, 'I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week.'

The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, 'I want to speak to my lawyer.'

'Excuse me sir,' the receptionist says, 'but this is third time I've had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?' The guy replies, 'Because I love hearing it!'

One day President Bush was visiting Queen Elizabeth and she decided to take him for a tour of London in the Royal Carriage. The carriage was being pulled by six Royal Stallions and one of them suddenly passed gas. It sounded like a 21-gun salute it was so loud! The smell permeated the inside of the carriage and the Queen was totally devastated.

'I appoligize profusely for the terrible smell inside the carriage', she said.

'Oh, that's alright', said the George, 'for a minute there I thought it was the horse!'

Why did Ben Affleck end up not marrying JLO?
Because he didnt want a big A$$ wedding!

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to an ice cream parlor together. The brunette went up and asked for a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The counter man was confused, but gave her a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream.
The redhead went up and asked for a single dip of vanilla ice cream with Pepsi poured over it. The man was really confused now. But he gave the redhead her order.

The blonde was listening to the other two women and thought that she should have a ''special order'' too. So she went up and asked for an extra-large root beer, but hold the roots.

Okay this is dirty..but i love this one...



An American goes to Japan on a business trip and the night before his business meetings are to begin he picks up a Japanese prostitute and goes out it with her. As he does his business...she screams 'Yamagucci', Yamagucci'. He thinks this is great...she is loving this, and does it harder...and she screams it louder. they finish it up and they go their own ways...

The next day his associates ask him if he would like to go golfing first before the meetings are to begin. He says sure and they go....

While everyone golfing, the American is not doing that well.... FINALLY on the 9th hole he gets a hole in one.....when all of his associates are looking at him...he does not know what to say...so he starts screaming YAMAGUCCI, YAMAGUCCI...

They all stop laughing and look at him strangely....

Finaly one business associate who can speak English goes........







'WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT IT IN THE WRONG HOLE'!!!