HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GinaZ Posted: Feb 22, 2007 11:59 AM

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FH and I are catholic and can't get married at the church for finacial reasons as well as the fact that my whole family is comming from all over the country and is taking advantage of the hotels free shuttle to our wedding. Well the priest said he can't marry us outside the church and FH just called to see if we could meet with a deacon about it and the woman he spoke to said that a decon prolly wont do it. So I dont really care if a minister just marrys us at this point and my parents dont care, but FH's parent may care. Does anyone know how we can get married as catholics without doing it at the church. And doing it in the morning in a private ceremony isn't an option either. I insist that we actually get married when we get married. Any ideas?? This has been the most annoying and biggest hassel of planning my whole wedding.

AMGBride2008 Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:01 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

have you thought of going to any other churches to see what their 'suggested donation' ( ) is. It varies from church to church.

GinaZ Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:03 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FH's mom is very active in her church and I think it may upset her if we went to another church. I guess we could discuss this with her, but I dont want to step on any toes either.

shellyru Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:05 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've heard that retired priests can do it, but again I think it's at their discretion. I would ask though.

Espo22 Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:06 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

unfortunately a priest wont come to an RH to marry you and if its not done in the church it wont be recognized by the catholic church, sorry...maybe try looking around at other churches?

rkl1130 Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:08 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since your FH's mom is an active member of the church, maybe you can talk to her about the situation first to see what her take is on it and if there is any way she can pave the way for you two.

Is it that you want to get married by a catholic priest but somewhere outside of the church? If so, maybe you can speak to Father Bernard who is a Catholic priest who performs ceremonies.

http://www.weddingsbyfatherbernard.com/

GinaZ Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:10 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ya we dont even care if it is a priest- we would be happy woth a deacon and thought they could do it outside the church, but guess not- only if we were 2 different religions. Im having a slight panic attack I think- which isn't good cus Im at work. Blah!

rkl1130 Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:15 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by GinaZ

ya we dont even care if it is a priest- we would be happy woth a deacon and thought they could do it outside the church, but guess not- only if we were 2 different religions. Im having a slight panic attack I think- which isn't good cus Im at work. Blah!

I believe Father Bernard will perform the ceremony for you outside of a church setting if you'd like.

Espo22 Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:16 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if you don't care whether or not it is recognized by the catholic church then you will have no problem finding someone to marry you.

GinaZ Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:16 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by rkl1130

Posted by GinaZ

ya we dont even care if it is a priest- we would be happy woth a deacon and thought they could do it outside the church, but guess not- only if we were 2 different religions. Im having a slight panic attack I think- which isn't good cus Im at work. Blah!

I believe Father Bernard will perform the ceremony for you outside of a church setting if you'd like.

Who is father bernard and how do I contact him?

I saw the post above- thank you!!

AMGBride2008 Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:33 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you considered asking your parents or FH's parents to split the cost of the church with you? Esp. since FH's mom is so active in the church and adament that you have a Catholic wedding, maybe she'll be up for it.

You have FM.

tricia3381 Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:51 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a priest is not allowed to marry u outside that catholic church unless these an extreme circumstance (ex-one person is sick in the hospital so they'll do it in the hospital). i have FH's family's priest (his family has known him for years and married fh's parents) marrying us and we did ask him if he could marry us outside and he said no and then explained it must be held in the church unless theres an extreme circumstance as i mentioned above.

vinnysgrl Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:54 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would call other churchs and ask to speak to deacons i heard that some deacons will marry you outside the church

SoontobeMrsO Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:59 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe you can explain to the priest your financial problems and how much it would mean to you, your fiance and both families to get married in a catholic church.
More importantly explain to the priest that your FI's mother works for the church and it would mean even more to get married in his church.
Maybe he will be understanding and waiver some of the costs. It doesn't hurt to ask and talk to the priest.

Princess Cut Bride Posted: Feb 22, 2007 12:59 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by GinaZ

FH's mom is very active in her church and I think it may upset her if we went to another church. I guess we could discuss this with her, but I dont want to step on any toes either.

Have you explained the situation to her. If she wants you to get married in that church so badly why doesn't she help pay for it??

GinaZ Posted: Feb 22, 2007 01:02 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Princess Cut Bride

Posted by GinaZ

FH's mom is very active in her church and I think it may upset her if we went to another church. I guess we could discuss this with her, but I dont want to step on any toes either.

Have you explained the situation to her. If she wants you to get married in that church so badly why doesn't she help pay for it??

I really dont know how badly she wants us to be married in the actual church. I think if we worked out something where we could get married by law at the weddig and then receive the sacrement the next day, she would be fine with that. We don't even care if it isn't a priest- we would be happy having a deacon. We knew for awhile we couldnt get a priest, but just found out today that deacons from his church won't marry us outside the church either- unless one of us was another religion.

Espo22 Posted: Feb 22, 2007 01:10 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by vinnysgrl

I would call other churchs and ask to speak to deacons i heard that some deacons will marry you outside the church

people can marry you it just wont be recognized by the church

DananTodd Posted: Feb 22, 2007 01:31 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have FM

portjeffbride Posted: Feb 22, 2007 01:49 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm fairly certain that the diocese will require you to get married inside of a catholic church. If this problem is primarily financial, maybe either your mom (who would really prefer you are married at that specific church?) can help pay for a bus to transport everyone to that church? Most of the time, the donation is not that much ... only 400 to 800, which is only a dent in even a modest wedding budget.

Can you cut costs elsewhere? Dont give out favors, reduce the flower $$$, cut costs in the reception... Maybe add the bus budget to your bridal shower registry?

Kara and Todd Posted: Feb 22, 2007 01:51 PM

Re: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How expensive could this church donation possibly be?!

Is it REALLY more expensive than hiring someone else to marry you? If you hire someone else, you'll have to pay the officiant, musicians, and a site fee wherever you have it...