My sister wants to bring her 4 month old baby to my wedding. I don't mind having the baby at my wedding but I feel like having a newborn around loud music and alcohol first of all is really not appropriate for the baby.
In addition, she is my matron of honor so she is in my bridal party. She wants to bring the baby to stay with us at the hotel in my room and get ready with everyone. I am dreading that is not a good idea because there will be so many other people there including make up artist, hair, photographer and having a baby there will make it more confusing than it already will be.
I feel like she should hire her sitter to come that day and take care of the baby and the sitter will be able to take care of her in the bridal suite if she starts to cry etc. This way the baby can still be there but she will not have to worry about her.
Am I being unreasonable and selfish? She keeps bringing it up and I don't know how to tell her how I feel without hurting her feelings. What do you guys think?
Please honestly tell me if you think I being petty. I just feel like this is my wedding day and I am not gonna have another and I want things to run as smoothly as possible.
SOTHISISLOVE53109
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
I don't think that you are being selfish..in my personal opinion I don't think that weddings are a place for babies especially that young...in a way I feel your sister is being a bit selfish in having you make this decision or even stress over it. I would sit down with her and talk about it, also if someone is watching the baby or if your sister needs to watch and take care of her baby is she fulfilling her matron of honor duties? I don't mean to sound harsh in anyway because i just had to deal with this...and my bridesmaid wants her baby there and she wanted her baby in the bridal party...so I took her out of the wedding only because it was added stress that I didn't need and the reason I was having her in my party were not the right reasons at all (log story)...my again this is just my opinion hth
carolinebr
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
Is she breastfeeding? If so, she may have to have the baby there. The baby may not be taking a bottle yet.
And does she even HAVE a babysitter that the baby has already met? I know I didn't have one for my daughter at that age. We only had family watch her & all your family will be at the wedding anyway. I personally would not just hand my 4 month old off to a stranger so I could 'fulfill my duties.' AND if she brings a sitter, you might be expected to FEED THEM if they are sitting in the bridal suite all night (do you want to pay for another vendor meal!)
I mean, honestly, what is it that you think she cannot do just because her baby is there? I'm assuming she has a husband or partner that will be there. Its not like she's going alone with a baby, right? She'll have help. She knows its your wedding. She's not going to ignore you when you need her.
Our baby was 3 months old at our wedding. She was there for us getting ready, getting our hair done, etc and it was fine. She was at the ceremony, and at the reception. I wanted her in the bridal suite & guess what happened - half my wedding guests wound up in the bridal suite to see the baby.
Its not like the baby is going to get up & steal the spotlight or knock over the cake, etc. Its a 4 month old. He/She will eat & sleep.
I think you are stressing yourself out over nothing. Its so not a big deal to have a 12 pound baby in the wings. Let it roll off your shoulders.
little34
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
I think you are absolutely right....you or your MOH should not have to worry about taking care of the baby on that day....what if you hired a sitter to stay with the baby during the ceremony and pics and then take them home so everyone can enjoy the reception....we lucked out with our RH, they don't allow any kids under 5....made it a lot easier because we avoided what you are going through.
Is your sister dead set on having the baby there??? Weddings are no places for really young kids....heck, even some teenagers hate being dragged to them!
xcalystax
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
In my opinion, I agree with you. My wedding day was crazy enough with all the bridesmaids, photos, make up and hair people running around, I would have no idea how much a crying baby would have added to it.
Some people have no problem with kids at their wedding, others do. Its really a matter of personal preference and the kind of atmosphere you are going for.
How old will the baby be by the time your wedding rolls around (your wedding date says '08?). If it is still a ways off, then maybe you can find a solution (babysitter, finding a relative, ect.) since the baby will be a bit older.
Brian and Marie
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
I didn't want any babies/kids at my wedding unless they were in the bridal party! I had numerous people add their children when they responded and we had to call them and express our apologies that there would be no children.
I didn't want crying babies or toddlers running around ruining my pictures or video that we paid a lot of money for!
tinadansr
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
since she is your MOH i dont think it is appropriate that the baby is there.....is there a family member that can take care of the baby at least until the reception? I'm sure an aunt would love to take care of the new baby!
cherandgeo
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
I think it is selfish of her to want the baby in the bridal suite and in the room with you guys while you are getting ready. there are going to be allot of people there that day, in and out of the room, everyone wanting to touch the baby and if you are getting your hair done there will be the hairspray in the air, yeah, that's real good for the kid. If her husband is there he can take care of the baby, but seriously, she will more than likely still want the baby along with her during most of the time that she should be helping you get ready. It's not a matter of you being selfish because, come on, you only get married once and you have asked her to help you on this important day. How much help can she give you if she's watching the baby. Your at a family function, it's not like there are not family members there to watch the baby if she needs to help you, tell her to have a close aunt or someone who's not in the wedding party watch the baby. What is she going to do during pictures? Does she want the baby in the pics with you guys? If it is a newborn they shouldn't be around that many people anyway and the loud music of the reception is allot for young children, I couldn't imagine it being pleasant for a newborn. And in the church if the baby is crying no one is going to be able to hear the ceremony. JMO
Ok, just saw that you are getting married in 08. Did she just find out that she's pregnant and your estimating that the baby will be 4 months old at that time, if it is, I would say cross that bridge when you get to it. Or is the baby currently 4 months old will be almost a year by the time of your wedding? If the baby is almost a year then that is a little different.
tmarie
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
I do and don't agree. I do agree that the morning will not be the most appropriate place for the baby. If she has in-laws maybe they could watch it until the reception. The part I don't agree with is if she wants to bring the baby to the reception, I think you should let her. First, it is your niece or nephew. It is not a friend's child. If the parents are ok with the baby being there the whole night then let them deal with it. As far as loud music and alcohol? Ok loud music can be a bit much, but I am sure they will keep the baby to the side. Alcohol? I think that is a little drastic, it is a wedding, unless there are religious reasons, it don't think that is a big deal unless your sister will not have a designated driver or someone who is responsible caring for the baby.
I think the nicest way to approach it is next time she says anything, say...Is there anyone that could watch the baby until the reception and we can pick the baby up on the way. There will be a lot running around and pictures, I may really need your help, I wouldn't want you to be stressed between the baby and me.
LeeLee111
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
Ok so my friend had babies at her wedding and they cried through every toast and quiet moment all night. I dont think its appropriate either.
Cacarina
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
You are not being unreasonable. I totally wouldn't want my sister's baby around all day on my wedding day. And Iove the little guy more than anything in the world. babies are just HARD work!!!!!!!!!!!
drpepper318
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
I agree with you. It's really not appropriate and she'll end up regretting bringing the baby. My cousin brought her 5-month old baby to my wedding and she ended up spending almost the entire reception outside of the ballroom with her baby because it was too noisy in there. Honestly you could just tell her she can bring the baby but she won't have as good a time in the end.
His Girl Friday
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
thanks for the thoughts. She is pregnant now and the baby will be about 4 months old at the wedding. Its not something I feel I should be worrying about now but she keeps bringing it up and I just don't know what to say to her so early on. I mean she intends to have a nanny and go back to work after the baby is born so the baby will not be with a stranger if she has her nanny watch the baby.
Also, its not so much that I need her help to get ready. I have other Bridesmaids that can help. she wants to be able to get her hair and makeup done too that is why she wants to be in my room but I don't feel she needs the baby there as well. My issue isnt' really that I need her help, its just the confusion of having the baby there. I feel its unfair to impose that on me on my wedding day.
And with regard to the reception, i just feel like its a party environment and its not appropriate to have a new born there with people drinking etc. not religious reason or anything like that.
His Girl Friday
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
also we are having an adult reception so we aren't letting anyone bring children and I have cousins that have babies that aren't allowed to bring kids but she feels exempt from that. She didn't ask if its ok she just assumes that I would be fine with it all.
xcalystax
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
Since its early on, tell her how you feel now....don't let her start assuming and making plans, because it will be worse when you tell her closer to your wedding date (she may assume you are OK with it, because you haven't said anything thus far).
Anyway hugs to you, because wedding stresses like these s-u-c-k
little34
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
Posted by His Girl Friday
also we are having an adult reception so we aren't letting anyone bring children and I have cousins that have babies that aren't allowed to bring kids but she feels exempt from that. She didn't ask if its ok she just assumes that I would be fine with it all.
Well here is your excuse....just tell her that the baby cant be there because of the adult reception....or have one of your parents bring it up... tell them how much drama she would cause if her baby was there and no one elses....I don't get it.... if I had a small baby I would take the wedding as an opportunity for a mommy daddy night out...
CourtandJon
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
I don't think weddings are a place for children. We are only having FH's 2 first cousins at the wedding and they are both over the age of 8. Babies cry and make a lot of noise and that is the last thing you want during your ceremony, etc. It just isn't the right place for a baby. I would try and help her find a sitter who can stay with her all night so that no one has to worry about her. I'm surprised your MOH wouldn't just want to get a sitter anyway so she can have a 'night out'!
11-17-2007
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
i will have a 7 month old at mine. its up to the parent...not my kid but id rather no babies at all. she's tryng to ask her friend to watch her..if not itll make for sweet pictures!
AndreaES
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
Also, its not so much that I need her help to get ready. I have other Bridesmaids that can help. she wants to be able to get her hair and makeup done too that is why she wants to be in my room but I don't feel she needs the baby there as well. My issue isnt' really that I need her help, its just the confusion of having the baby there. I feel its unfair to impose that on me on my wedding day.
I guess I am in the minority here, but I think that is a terrible statement. How is your sisters baby ( your niece) going to impose anything on you that day?? Are you going to have to breastfeed or change diapers in between hair and makeup?? I seriously don't think so. I had a different attitude about children, our wedding wasn't very formal however I think they are all supposed to be about the same thing declaring your love for one and other with all your family and dearest friends there to bare witness. Well I don't understand how that act could exclude children( which are in themselves a product of love) I was worried that there were going to be so many kids at our wedding, but I just planned around it and make sure that they were occupied ( games, pinata, favors, 2 babysitters) and it was perfect the parents got to relax a bit ( because of the babysitters) and yet share a day of great love and significance with their children. My wedding video and pictures were not 'ruined' because there were children at my wedding they were enhanced. Again I know I'm in the minority but hearing babies or children called an 'imposition' is just cruel, children are a gift and a blessing and should be treated as such. All of us worry so much about getting the 'perfect' $5,000 gown or $20,000 RH or the other thousands upon thousands of dollars on our weddings,that we lose sight about what it is truly about. For us it was about our intense love for each other and our coming together to start one life and sharing that with only our closest friends and family and I couldn't have imagined doing that without our children or our guests children either. If any bride choses not to have children at the reception that is their right of course and I can understand to an extent , but I just can't stand hearing children referred to as pests or inconveniences really upsets me tremendously. I'm sorry JMHO
malagian
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Re: Help- Babies at weddings
i had a guest ask to bring her 9, 3 and 1 1/2 year old. I told her the nine year old would be ok, but i was too worried about having small babies there. Someone could trample over one and really hurt a child expecially when there is drinking involved. Plus the loud music i wouldnt think wouldnt be to good for them.
