Help- Babies at weddings

Original post by His Girl Friday

Oct 01, 2007 01:17 PM

My sister wants to bring her 4 month old baby to my wedding. I don't mind having the baby at my wedding but I feel like having a newborn around loud music and alcohol first of all is really not appropriate for the baby.

In addition, she is my matron of honor so she is in my bridal party. She wants to bring the baby to stay with us at the hotel in my room and get ready with everyone. I am dreading that is not a good idea because there will be so many other people there including make up artist, hair, photographer and having a baby there will make it more confusing than it already will be.

I feel like she should hire her sitter to come that day and take care of the baby and the sitter will be able to take care of her in the bridal suite if she starts to cry etc. This way the baby can still be there but she will not have to worry about her.

Am I being unreasonable and selfish? She keeps bringing it up and I don't know how to tell her how I feel without hurting her feelings. What do you guys think?

Please honestly tell me if you think I being petty. I just feel like this is my wedding day and I am not gonna have another and I want things to run as smoothly as possible.

SoontobeMrsMc Posted: Oct 02, 2007 08:51 AM

Re: Help- Babies at weddings

Hi,
Our RB is only 2 (not a new born but young). His mom (FH cousin) decided that since he has to be there that day for the wedding and she doesnt want to leave him for the entire weekend (everyone is staying there at hotel)..... She booked two rooms at the place-next to each other and hired a babysitter. So the babysitter can take care of him after the ceremony and he won't be in the mix of loud music and dancing and everything else. Have you offered that to your sister? Blame it on the fact that you want HER to have a really good time and not have to worry about the baby that day.

dianadrw Posted: Oct 02, 2007 09:46 AM

Re: Help- Babies at weddings

I'll be honest, I would not be happy about having a 4 month old around while getting ready. I was a little stressed the morning of the wedding and if I had a baby around, possibly a cranky baby, it would not have gone over too well.
I have different feelings about the reception. If your sister feels like she needs to bring the baby, then let her. Trust me, at your reception you won't even notice the baby being there. My brother brought his 2 kids (both under 4) and my husband and I were on such a cloud we didn't even really notice the kids.

MrsG2007 Posted: Oct 02, 2007 11:18 AM

Re: Help- Babies at weddings

I definately don't think a baby should be with you when your getting ready. You really should speak to your sister...and tell her how you feel...

wo0shply Posted: Oct 02, 2007 12:59 PM

Re: Help- Babies at weddings

I dont think you're being selfish, I think you're trying to help everyone by suggesting the sitter for you sister so she doesnt have to worry about the baby. its a great idea!

carolinebr Posted: Oct 02, 2007 03:46 PM

Re: Help- Babies at weddings

Posted by AndreaES
I guess I am in the minority here, but I think that is a terrible statement. How is your sisters baby ( your niece) going to impose anything on you that day?? Are you going to have to breastfeed or change diapers in between hair and makeup??

Again I know I'm in the minority but hearing babies or children called an 'imposition' is just cruel, children are a gift and a blessing and should be treated as such. If any bride choses not to have children at the reception that is their right of course and I can understand to an extent , but I just can't stand hearing children referred to as pests or inconveniences really upsets me tremendously.

/QUOTE]

I agree with you completely. I said the same thing. Its a 12 pound baby, She isn't going to steal the show or 'impose' on your at all. Its YOUR DAY. EVERYONE knows that. So just chill. Do you REALLY think your sister or anyone else is going to let you get stressed out? Come on now... You are stressing yourself out over nothing. 1 little baby at your wedding is NOT going to 'ruin' your day.

For people to say 'just get a sitter' isn't really fair. Just wait until you guys have babies & then lets see how quickly you leave them with just anyone. Would you hand over your house keys or your car keys to just anyone? Would you ask a stranger to watch your engagement ring? No. So why should mothers be expected to hand over their most precious possession? Its not as simple as 'get a sitter.'

I think with babies THAT small, its up to the parents. Sorry, but you asked.

SoontobeMrsMc Posted: Oct 02, 2007 07:05 PM

Re: Help- Babies at weddings

Posted by carolinebr

Posted by AndreaES
I guess I am in the minority here, but I think that is a terrible statement. How is your sisters baby ( your niece) going to impose anything on you that day?? Are you going to have to breastfeed or change diapers in between hair and makeup??

Again I know I'm in the minority but hearing babies or children called an 'imposition' is just cruel, children are a gift and a blessing and should be treated as such. If any bride choses not to have children at the reception that is their right of course and I can understand to an extent , but I just can't stand hearing children referred to as pests or inconveniences really upsets me tremendously.

/QUOTE]

I agree with you completely. I said the same thing. Its a 12 pound baby, She isn't going to steal the show or 'impose' on your at all. Its YOUR DAY. EVERYONE knows that. So just chill. Do you REALLY think your sister or anyone else is going to let you get stressed out? Come on now... You are stressing yourself out over nothing. 1 little baby at your wedding is NOT going to 'ruin' your day.

For people to say 'just get a sitter' isn't really fair. Just wait until you guys have babies & then lets see how quickly you leave them with just anyone. Would you hand over your house keys or your car keys to just anyone? Would you ask a stranger to watch your engagement ring? No. So why should mothers be expected to hand over their most precious possession? Its not as simple as 'get a sitter.'

I think with babies THAT small, its up to the parents. Sorry, but you asked.

I absolutely agree with you-I would never leave my child with a stanger. I was actually suggesting that her sister bring their 'usual' babysitter for the day (if she doesnt want to leave the baby at home). In my case, FH's cousin-suggested that she hire her regular babysitter to come with her and babysit him after the ceremony-so that she can enjoy herself and not worry about a child crying during the wedding.

His Girl Friday Posted: Oct 02, 2007 07:16 PM

Re: Help- Babies at weddings

Thanks for your comments. I was NEVER suggesting that she leave the baby with a stranger. She intends to have a nanny and leave the baby with the nanny every day to go to work. So having her regular nanny watch the baby isnt her leaving her with a stranger but rather someone she is more than familiar with.

Also, I am not worried about the baby taking the spot light away either. I just feel like formal events such as weddings isn't the right environment for a 4 month old baby for the baby's sake.

When my sister got married she put on her invitations Adult Reception because she did not want kids there so I feel I deserve the right to do the same. Don't I?

PegaLega Posted: Oct 02, 2007 10:53 PM

Re: Help- Babies at weddings

Not selfish at all. A wedding is no place for a 4 month old child-unless those getting married are the parents-completely different issue by itself. You as the bride will be deciding what happens-the DJ, the music, the drinks. I think that she should hire a babysitter, not only so that there is no damage to the child (loud music, sick people, smoking, drinking ) but so that she can enjoy herself even if its just for a short amount of time.

SoontobeMrsMc Posted: Oct 03, 2007 09:18 AM

Re: Help- Babies at weddings

Posted by PegaLega

Not selfish at all. A wedding is no place for a 4 month old child-unless those getting married are the parents-completely different issue by itself. You as the bride will be deciding what happens-the DJ, the music, the drinks. I think that she should hire a babysitter, not only so that there is no damage to the child (loud music, sick people, smoking, drinking ) but so that she can enjoy herself even if its just for a short amount of time.

Exactly! I agree with you. I'm a teacher and I love children. Both FH and I have lots of little children in our families but we both didn't want a circus at the wedding with little kids running around everywhere *(and crying during the ceremony). Besides, this gives the parents a break and allows them to enjoy themselves for a day. Bottom line, it's your wedding and you need to do what makes you happy. But in my opinion, you are not being selfish at all.

Valor06 Posted: Oct 03, 2007 06:17 PM

Re: Help- Babies at weddings

I agree it's too early to discuss it with your sister but you should mention to her something like 'let's see how things are when it gets closer' Your sisters baby might be a restless child or one that is calm and this might determine what is best.
On a side note I think it's funny how parents can all of a sudden think a bride is mean for not wanting babies or children at their wedding. Maybe our ideas will also change when we become parents but at the moment of marriage many of us aren't parents. I personally don't believe it is an unreasonable request.