I know I have plenty of time, as FH and I haven't even booked a hall yet, but I'm having a dilemma with deciding on my wedding party.
First of all, this is a second wedding for both of us, and I don't really want it to come off as we're going too overboard... However, I'm having that fairly standard problem of 'How do I ask X without asking Y?' When I do that, it gets up to 8 ladies... On top of that, several women I'm thinking of asking are out of state, two are pregnant, one JUST had a baby and quite a few are in tough financial situations... I don't want this to be a burden on anybody.
I really struggled a bit about asking my MOH because I didn't want to upset her (she's currently single and watching all of us get married and have babies and she's told me it's getting to her), but I just couldn't imagine getting married without her up there with me. Turns out, I did the right thing. She truly seemed SO happy and honored that I asked her.
FH and I have talked about keeping it to JUST the MOH and BM, but I'm afraid that doing it alone will put too much pressure on her and don't want to hurt anyone else's feelings.
Any thoughts/suggestions/advice? I'm really stressing over this one.
TIA!!!
cj52514
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
I started running into the whole 'How can I ask this person without asking this other person' scenario also. My FH and I decided to keep the bridal party small. I have 1 sister so she's MOH. He has 3 sisters, so they're my BMs and their husbands are the GMs.
saxtrevNmeg
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
Keeping it to family would probably be easier, but I have NO sisters, just one SIL and one FSIL. BOTH are among the out-of-state people I talked about and I've only met FSIL a couple times... I don't know how to ask her but NOT ask friends I've had for 20+ years... I've even had a few of them mention things implying they assumed they'd be asked, but it was often before certain situations arose (i.e.--before a pregnancy, move, job loss...)
LisaReyes
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
It's funny because - I was pretty self-centered about this one. I just picked who I wanted without really caring what anyone thought. I don't know if any feelings were hurt, but to be honest, I picked the girls who have been there through thick and thin - the ones that are honest and accepting and will bend over backwards to make this day wonderful for you.
If you have 8 girls who will do that for you and FH - then definitely celebrate that and have them in your wedding party. If you're putting some in there because you feel obligated - save yourself the headache and invite them as guests.
Good luck!
JenL
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
We're any of the girls in your first wedding party? If so, you may just want to think about the financial piece. If they already spent a ton of money to be in your first, there may be some resentment about spending all that money again. Just something to consider...since its a second wedding for both, I'd keep the wedding party small. JMO....
mattandjess2013
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
I'd do just the MOH and BM honestly. It's what I originally wanted to do, but FH vetoed that! I still kept it small on my side (3 girls) while FH has 5 guys.
dolphinjsw
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
we kept it similar I had my sister ad MOH, and his sister as my Brides maid He had His best friend as BM and our Brother inlaw as Groomsmen Worked out great, no hard feeling it was JUST family
natalierose1085
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
Being this is a second wedding it might be different for you. It's probably best to keep it small, maybe just family or best friends only. Personally I chose to keep it to family and childhood friends. This leaves me with my 2 sisters, my cousin, and 4 friends whom I've known since elementary school or junior high. This still isn't even 'small' lol but it's smaller then it could have been. I know there are other girls I could have asked, who would have probably said yes and would have loved to be included, but at the same time I think people understand that there has to be a line drawn somewhere. Hopefully you can make that decision with out hurting anyone's feelings! Even if they are hurt at first, I'm sure they would realize eventually that you aren't trying to insult anyone if you are just trying to have a small wedding party.
Bride2Be78
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
I struggled with this myself. I have 5 girls and felt like I should have asked cousin but it was getting out of hand so I hoped for the best and decided not to add the 6th person. She was fine with it.
I would ask the people you care and love in your life to be in the bp. Dont worry about the outside elements. I have 2 girls that are OOT so hopefully the other girls will pick up the slack.
saxtrevNmeg
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
Actually, my first party was ALL men. At that point in my life, I was closer with my male friends. The only woman who was sort of in my wedding party was basically an honorary bridesmaid, as I just couldn't trust my male friends and brother to do certain 'girly' things right (i.e.--bustling the dress).
That honorary bridesmaid from 12 years ago is now my MOH...
ETA: Speaking of, I think talking to HER may help quite a bit, as quite a few of the other possible BMs are mutual friends...
Christina11913
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
try to pick the one person you couldn't get married without having by your side. Only have a maid of honor and explain to the others you wanted to keep it small.
linda_art
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
We had the exact same issue. So we did one MOH and one BM, but then my MOH was in the same boat as the one you asked and was having trouble showing up for me and even caring at times... So we added another MOH and BM. I'd suggest keeping it smaller. There were things it was easier for. The less drama the better as the process goes on.
2013Bride
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Re: HELP! BM dilemma...
We would have had too many people if I had groomsmen and bridesmaids, so we just stuck with a BM and MOH to make things easier. And honestly, it HAS been easier and no stress regarding 'who does what?' and no one was picked without another person that needed to be pick. So I HIGHLY suggest just sticking with a MOH and BM, I promise it will be less of a headache for you!
