HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
weirdo168
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HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
Okay - it's been over a month since I've gotten engaged and I still have yet to announce my BMs and my MOH(s). I'm really have difficulty picking/choosing who they are. Here are my issues:
Currently I have in mind 2 MOH
1st MOH - I've known since we were in 6th grade - we've been best friends since then. She's asked me to be her MOH (although she probably will not be getting married before me) - however - my dilemma is she's not a planner and she's not proactive in making sure I'm on track. I mean she doesn't even know I've booked a venue and found 'THE DRESS'. But I feel obligated to pick her to be my MOH.
2nd MOH - I've known her since High School but we became better friends senior year of College. She considers me her BFF - but I just consider her a good friend - I believe she's expecting to be my MOH - but I feel more comfortable in having her as one of my BMs but I think her being one of my MOH she'll help me out more than the first.
I currently have 6 BMs in mind: 1st BM - my sister that's a given 2nd BM - very good friend since 7th grade. We click but I don't consider her one of my BFFs. (I think it's hard for me to declare someone my BFF) 3rd & 4th BMs - they come in pairs - I've known them since 6th grade as well - we've kept in touch since. They I believe will absolutely help me no matter what.
Here's the issue: 5th BM - she's my fiance's best man's gf - I've known her about 3 years (ever since they started dating) but she's giving me that jealously/funny feeling - where the impression is 'How come I'm not the one engaged' or when I talk to her about wedding stuff like what dresses I liked - she would add 'Oh I like that one on me too or I would like to have that one when I get married' - am I nuts to think she's a NUTSO? I feel really uneasy in having her as my BM but then again I don't want any tension between us - I mean honestly I think she thinks I'm going to choose her...Since we do a lot of double dates. But she's not the one getting married - she keeps giving me the feeling like she wished her bf asked her first although - I've waited 9 years for this!
6th BM - I can basically talk to her about almost anything, we're pretty good friends, I think seems like better friends than my 2nd MOH - but I think in a way I can live without her since at certain events she doesn't show up like my birthdays or other occasions - I mean she tries to stop by earlier.
HELP!
My issues are:
1) MOHs - should I keep them on the list? 2) Which of the BMs should I keep?
I honestly don't think I can afford all 8 - and I heard there will be a lot more issues with a bigger party. Any advice would be great! Thanks in advance!
kellylee418
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! You don't have to make your announcement of who is in the wedding right away. Take your time and see how things unfold in your wedding plans over the next few weeks. I wish I had done that.
I have 7 bridesmaids and 1 MOH and I have to say, after some of the drama, I might have gone with NO bridal party whatsoever. Its terrible to say because there are some that have been SOOOOO wonderful but others that have not.
My advice.... Don't pick anyone (like your fiances best mands GF) where you feel there is the slightest bit of obligation because I am telling you from experience, they will be your BIGGEST headache and nightmare in the long run.
weirdo168
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
Posted by kellylee418
WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! You don't have to make your announcement of who is in the wedding right away. Take your time and see how things unfold in your wedding plans over the next few weeks. I wish I had done that.
I have 7 bridesmaids and 1 MOH and I have to say, after some of the drama, I might have gone with NO bridal party whatsoever. Its terrible to say because there are some that have been SOOOOO wonderful but others that have not.
My advice.... Don't pick anyone (like your fiances best mands GF) where you feel there is the slightest bit of obligation because I am telling you from experience, they will be your BIGGEST headache and nightmare in the long run.
Thanks :) I mean I've been thinking about it a lot lately - Since I need to pick the dresses for the girls and when my friends ask me what I'm up to - it seems like I'm doing all the potential BMs & MOHs work for them. So it's a no go for BM #5 I'm assuming - I mean it could all be in my head - all of this I could have just made up. Hopefully not - when I speak to her about wedding items - I have this bad butterfly feeling - like she's wishing she was in my shoes :X I know girls can be harsh and cruel when it comes to their own happiness but I just want everyone to be nice and play good together. You think 2 MOH and 4 BMs is a bit much or just do 2MOH and 2BMs? The only items I will be paying for is limo ride and gifts (unless I forgot something else).
springsandra
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
Don't forget makeup, hair, etc... and including them in everything from here to eternity.
I know some of these people have been your friends for years and years, but it sounds like you feel obligated to ask certain people to be in your bridal party because of the length of time you've known each other. There's no such thing as 'obligation' when it comes to your wedding party. You have to do what feels comfortable to you.
I didn't have a traditional BP because we wanted to keep things small. I also didn't have your normal wedding shower because my mom was too sick to plan anything for me so we had a ladies lunch instead of a surprise shower that I organized. I only had two girls -- my MOH and SIL as my BM. It was so much simpler that way.
I agree with the other poster that you shouldn't be asking your fiance's best man's gf just because. I'd nix her from the start.
Why not consider just having the two girls you're considering for MOH and your sister? Then you can explain to all those other people that you really wanted to keep things small.
Is your FH having a large groom's party? You could consider that as well.
Good luck with your planning, and don't feel the need to make any sort of grand announcement too quickly. Take your time and enjoy it! You've got tons of time to plan. We ordered our dresses in February for our July wedding. No need to rush.
Lady12
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
Listen, not too long ago I was in your shoes going nuts over BMs because I had a lot of great candidates and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. However, like you, I didn't want a large bridal party so I just followed my heart and stuck to my guns. I chose 3 of my closest sisters (my parents are divorced and I have 5 sisters) and 2 of my closest friends. My 2 future sister in laws were upset that I didnt pick them, so I sat down and said 'I love you guys, but...' I also called one of my best friends' and my cousin (who we grew up attached to the hip) and said to both 'I love you to death, but you are far away (they each live out of state now) and I need people here to help me plan this wedding' and they completely understood and still love me! It was hard as hell to say that to people that I love, but I knew that I deserve to have people who will truly be there for me and love me, and I have that!!! So even if you just end up with one, go with people who LOVE YOU and are going to be there for YOU. You deserve that! It's your wedding, you can be selfish. disappoint others before yourself. Good Luck!
MrsCM
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
I would see how helpful they all are. I personally regret asking too quickly
I would nix BM 6 & 7 (especially 6) hearing what you wrote right off the bat.
FutureJOC
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
oh... had the same problem as you with the MOH's... my solution so I can give them both the title without making on efeel bad is the one that's married is my Matron and my other friend is my Maid (although the Maid I feel is more of my MOH).
MrsL2010
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
why don't you make your sister your MOH - or are you not that close with her? i personally think that would be the best way not to pick between your other 2 friends. just wait a little bit and think about it. you don't want to have people because you feel obligated. some of the people may even be glad that they are not chosen, because it does get expensive. i kept my bridal party to family, with the exception of my one friend who i've known forever and do consider her family. my friends from college, who i didn't include were actually relieved that they didn't have to buy the dresses, shoes, etc.
bottom line is it's your wedding, you do what you want.
SoinLoveRwe2
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
I agree with the girls above—don’t make your decision now!
I had a long engagement and waited a year to ask my girls, I still had another year and a half before my wedding- and part of me wishes I had waited before making that step.
DEFINITELY wait and see how they react to your planning. I had a friend that I love but wasn’t planning on asking. I didn’t ask her to be in my BP—but she was so EXCITED for me and always wanted to be involved and I felt like that’s what I needed and I loved her for that—so I ended up asking her later on and was so happy with that decision.
Wedding planning is going to be stressful- and it’s important to surround yourself with people who will support you and not cause un needed drama! Take a few minutes to think about the people you’re considering and close your eyes and jump to 5 years down the line, now skip to 10 years. Can you see them in your life? How prominent are they in your life? I didn’t want to have people that I’d possibly loose touch with and look back at my wedding day and wonder what I was thinking!
I also agree with the last post about asking your sister to be your MOH. Definitely a good move- I think in the long run you’ll be glad you did. Even if you’re not super close it still will make neither of your other two candidates feel slighted—I mean, hello, it’s your sister.
I had multiple MOH’s and while I love them all- if I could go back I’d pick just one (I had to choose between my triplet sisters and my bff from kindergarten so I just couldn’t choose one!)
You have time!! And hey- keeping them all on the edge of their seats might not be a bad thing!! You’ll see who steps up to help you and who fades into the background.
And if you choose a smaller BP, you can always ask those who didn’t make the cut to do something special for you that day—a reading, handing out programs, bubbles etc (that’s what I did with my future brother’s in law—they walked my “grandmother” and step mom down the aisle and handed out programs)
It will be ok! Good luck!
alli3131
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
IMO I would ask your sis to be your MOH unless there has been some history that you have not said.....I had my sis my MOH and believe be we have had a crazy history...we didnt talk for over a year but she is my sis....my BFF was a bridesmaid.
Do not feel like just because these people are close friends that you have to include them in the bridal party. Just because they arent a MOH/BM doent mean you care about them any less
halfbaked
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
Definitely wait to ask your bridal party. You don't need to do it so soon and I honestly regret that I did.
EsquireBride
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
Why not make your sister your MOH? as much as the other girls might want to be your MOH, they can't fight the fact that you have a sister and she is your MOH instead.
EsquireBride
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
I should also add that desite having many close friends, and DH having many close friends, we decided to make our siblings MOH and best man, and didn't even have a bridal party past that. If got rid of a lot of issues.
elisa112101
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
yeah WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are going to fast... dont even think about picking BM yet.. i picked mine like 2 weeks after i got engaged causei was sooo excited and now i want to cut 2 of them out!! as for the MOH problem.. I asked my only sister to be my MOH... cause i have 2 best friends and it was the best way out!! however my sister lives in Florida and she isnt here! think of choosing BM very carfully. the more people you ask the less special it seems to be! only your very VERY best friends and sister should be in you BP! good luck choose wisely(unlike i did)
tee1781
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
I agree that you have tons of time and should wait. It's better to wait and be sure than to have to uninvite someone later. Things change quickly in a year. Don't worry about who will help you with stuff. Pick the girls you are closest too now, who support you, and who you want to stand up with you on that day. Try not to worry about who will help you with stuff. If those people love you they will help regardless
Iluvpoodles
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
Why don't you give it some more time and wait a few months until you are 100% certain about who you want? I've been engaged since March and I asked my MOH about 2 months in. I still haven't asked any BMS, granted I'm only having two bc I was waiting on FH and who he was having on his side. I wanted the number on both sides to be even. I'm asking them this weekend.
Amberrenee6705
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
Whatever you decide....make sure these are people who will be there for you and help you in your time of need. Its hard and stressful planning a wedding and you have to be able to 'take stress out' on these people and still have them there. Your bridal party is VERY important so dont rush...you'll see who deserves to be in it and who doesnt. DOnt worry about that everyone else thinks, choose who you want. Its your day and once they are in...your stuck with em. HTH.
AdriandSteve
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
I agree.. you have plenty of time. I'm getting married 2 months after you and I'm not picking my BM dresses till at LEAST January. I've been engaged for 8 months and we are still in the process of asking our BP. (we just started 3 weeks ago).
1st... imo, your MOH should be someone who you are the closest to who you know will always be a part of your life. Imo again it's not so much about how organized they are and how much I think they are gonna keep me on track. It's more about being there for me as a support rather then a 'secretary/planner' (not the best word but i can't think of another).
As for your fiance's best friends gf.. I don't see a reason to ask her to be your bridesmaid. You guys go on a lot of double dates but do you hang out with her alone frequently?? You might think that she expects to be asked but she may surprise you. If it were me I DEF wouldn't expect to be asked and might say no if I was.
When your friends ask you how things are going just say they are fine. Don't mention ANYTHING related to BP stuff.
You have plenty of time!!!!!
weirdo168
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Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
Posted by springsandra
Don't forget makeup, hair, etc... and including them in everything from here to eternity.
I know some of these people have been your friends for years and years, but it sounds like you feel obligated to ask certain people to be in your bridal party because of the length of time you've known each other. There's no such thing as 'obligation' when it comes to your wedding party. You have to do what feels comfortable to you.
I didn't have a traditional BP because we wanted to keep things small. I also didn't have your normal wedding shower because my mom was too sick to plan anything for me so we had a ladies lunch instead of a surprise shower that I organized. I only had two girls -- my MOH and SIL as my BM. It was so much simpler that way.
I agree with the other poster that you shouldn't be asking your fiance's best man's gf just because. I'd nix her from the start.
Why not consider just having the two girls you're considering for MOH and your sister? Then you can explain to all those other people that you really wanted to keep things small.
Is your FH having a large groom's party? You could consider that as well.
Good luck with your planning, and don't feel the need to make any sort of grand announcement too quickly. Take your time and enjoy it! You've got tons of time to plan. We ordered our dresses in February for our July wedding. No need to rush.
Thanks for your insight and advice - my FH only has 2 BM & 2 GM. I guess the reasoning behind me wanting to announce who my bridal party soon is that I want my girls' insight and help on things - it feels like when I speak to them that I found the dress and did all this stuff already - like I really dont need them.
weirdo168
Posted:
Member since
Re: HELP - Bridal Party HELP! (LONG) but please help...
Posted by springsandra
Don't forget makeup, hair, etc... and including them in everything from here to eternity.
I know some of these people have been your friends for years and years, but it sounds like you feel obligated to ask certain people to be in your bridal party because of the length of time you've known each other. There's no such thing as 'obligation' when it comes to your wedding party. You have to do what feels comfortable to you.
I didn't have a traditional BP because we wanted to keep things small. I also didn't have your normal wedding shower because my mom was too sick to plan anything for me so we had a ladies lunch instead of a surprise shower that I organized. I only had two girls -- my MOH and SIL as my BM. It was so much simpler that way.
I agree with the other poster that you shouldn't be asking your fiance's best man's gf just because. I'd nix her from the start.
Why not consider just having the two girls you're considering for MOH and your sister? Then you can explain to all those other people that you really wanted to keep things small.
Is your FH having a large groom's party? You could consider that as well.
Good luck with your planning, and don't feel the need to make any sort of grand announcement too quickly. Take your time and enjoy it! You've got tons of time to plan. We ordered our dresses in February for our July wedding. No need to rush.
Thanks for your insight and advice - my FH only has 2 BM & 2 GM. I guess the reasoning behind me wanting to announce who my bridal party soon is that I want my girls' insight and help on things - it feels like when I speak to them that I found the dress and did all this stuff already - like I really dont need them.
