help! bridal party issues!

JGOT79 Posted: Feb 12, 2007 04:07 PM

help! bridal party issues!

I do not want kids at my wedding. My fiancee has a TON of little cousins, family friends, etc. Besides the fact that we are limited in number of guests as is, but there is a level of sophistication that I am trying to keep for the reception. My only exception was my fiancee's niece and nephew that were going to be my flower girl and ringbearer. Turns out my fiancee's dad got mad that no kids were to be invited (even though he has not offered a dime to help my parents with the reception costs). My fiancee asked for me to include one of his nieces as another flower girl since she is the same age as my original flower girl. I agreed to it. Now he is asking if her sister who is 10 can also be a junior bridesmaid. I'm debating it..I can understand where he is coming from since he says these 2 nieces in particular mean a lot to him...but then again we are eliminating a lot of other kids that are of the same kind of relationship to him...if I also include this girl as a junior bridesmaid, and make her part of my bridal party, will that make it 'acceptable' to have her at the wedding? I just can't deal if people are offended over such things like this, they don't realize it only makes things harder for the bride and groom and it is OUR day, not theirs!

Mrs.D08 Posted: Feb 12, 2007 04:15 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

I totally agree with you. The only children in my wedding is the flowergirls, ring bearer, and the little bride, little groom.

divabride Posted: Feb 12, 2007 04:18 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

I did the same thing. The children that were most important to me I included in the bridal party so they could attend the reception. All other children were not invited.
If this is what you want, do it. Dont worry about what others may think. Its your wedding and you should be able to do it the way you and FH want. There may be people that will be upset, but they have plenty of time to make babysitting arrangements or not attend.
Good luck and stick to your guns!!

CourtandJon Posted: Feb 12, 2007 05:10 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

We are having NO kids at the ceremony or the reception. I agree with you- a wedding is for adults. I am all for people having children in their bridal party that they are close with- but I dont have that. I only have 2nd and 3rd cousins that are young and I am not going to have my dad's cousins, daughters, daughter be my flower girl just for the sake of having one.
However, FMIL was not happy when we brought that up. Her concern was that people are flying in from all over and they will have noone to watch their kids. We are going to try and get one of my cousins friends (she is 18) to stay in a hotel room with the kids (there is a hotel on premise) and we'll pay them a couple hundred to spend the day with them. FMIL then asked if they could come out at the end for dessert and FH sais YES without asking me!!! So I guess they are coming for dessert? I'm not happy about it, but it's better than them coming and crying or making a scene during the ceremony!

faithandkevin Posted: Feb 12, 2007 05:22 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

We are not having kids at our wedding. We have a maximum of 120 people at my RH, and children would push us over that number. I also have a problem paying over a hundred dollars for a child to attend my wedding. I've learned that I can't make everyone happy so I'm not going to try!

Do you think they are trying to ask the 10 ye old to be in the wedding, just so she can be at the wedding?

JGOT79 Posted: Feb 12, 2007 09:21 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

The 10 year old really does have a closer relationship with my fiancee...but you are right, they do just want her at the wedding, its not like I have a special relationship with her...but my fiancee does, so in that case I will bend 'the rules', but I was just asking my mom this...wouldn't it be better if my fiancee asks her to be part of our wedding party rather than me? So that this way it does not get thrown back in my lap in case his parents are mad that not every kid is invited? This way they will have to deal with their own son and not me! Also...his parents were nicely 'insisting' that they walk my fiancee down the aisle...I do not want that! I want him up on the altar waiting for me! I am having a problem with his parents being so free to suggest or insist on things when they are not even offering to help my parents with anything!

snydl40 Posted: Feb 12, 2007 09:44 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

I think it's okay to have her in the wedding. Just stand your ground to everyone else who wants to bring their kids.

BJandDan Posted: Feb 12, 2007 09:59 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

I only allowed nieces, nephews (13) and out of town kids (there were three ). I had other people ask and I told them there was just too many, I couldn't possibly allow any more. Immediate family is a must, and I feel you have to allow for OOTers. Other than that, they can get a babysitter or stay home.

L&R Posted: Feb 13, 2007 02:17 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

I know a number of couples who had children in the wedding party but they were not invited to the reception afterwards. I also know the childrens' parents were happy about that (they could party without the kids!)... HTH

GabrielleandJohn Posted: Feb 13, 2007 02:23 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

We went with NO kids. I have 7 neices and nephews and when we said no kids we stuck with no kids. I know I am kind of a tightass about it but we really didn't want them at our wedding.

LyseeH Posted: Feb 13, 2007 02:30 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

If you don't want kids there, then you shouldn't have them. You will be worrying about them instead of getting down on the dance floor. HEHE...One reason I am having a destination wedding is that people can't show up to it unexpected. We are having my nephew who is the ring bearer, and there are 2 others kids that are 13 and 14. Both in the wedding.

IlianaR Posted: Feb 13, 2007 02:52 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

Posted by divabride

I did the same thing. The children that were most important to me I included in the bridal party so they could attend the reception. All other children were not invited.
If this is what you want, do it. Dont worry about what others may think. Its your wedding and you should be able to do it the way you and FH want. There may be people that will be upset, but they have plenty of time to make babysitting arrangements or not attend.
Good luck and stick to your guns!!

Ditto. This is exactly what I've done. We have kids, therefore our children will be in the bridal party along with the BM's daughter who is the FG.

iamvocal72 Posted: Feb 13, 2007 02:57 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

I totally understand all of your points. I really do. I also HATE conflict with a passion and have heard so much heartache and pain from so many brides that have kept kids out of the reception. Now this is just my opinion and I don't want to start a war but be careful what you wish for. This day is going to be hard enough and stressful enough and crazy enough WITHOUT having to deal with parents throwing fits about not being able to bring their 5 children all under the age of 7. Now you are saying NO KIDS! I get it, it's your day, your way. Just be prepared - don't expect everyone to be so understanding. Most people won't be and I don't think you, even as the bride, have the right to get your panties all in a bunch because people complain about it. People complain, that is what they do. When you put restrictions on something it will annoy some people. So what? If they don't understand, they don't understand. I'm personally leaving it up to parents if they want to bring kids or not to our wedding. Most of them don't. They want the night off! But it seems as soon as you say NO K IDS all hell breaks loose!

Now if your hall is charging you an additional $100 per kid (which I think is totally OUTRAGEOUS!) I would let ALL my family members know that. 'I am asking that we have an adult only reception because regardless of age each plate is the same rate.' Again, in my opinion, honesty is the best policy, if money is the reason why you can't invite the 32 kids in your family , let them know! Screw etiquette!

Sorry! Just my opinion!

JGOT79 Posted: Feb 13, 2007 03:03 PM

Re: help! bridal party issues!

No, it's not the money...it's more of the room and number we are allowed to invite! We have to cut our lists as is, let alone if we allow a table of 10 kids!!! RIDICULOUS..it's the fact that my wedding does not mean as much to a 3 year old child than it does to an adult. Plus, kids are kids and you can't expect them to be on best behavior when they don't know any better...Also, I am not serving chicken fingers and having coloring books...it's completely an adult event...the bottom line is, yes, people complain, but it's wrong that they do that. It's not their day, It's not their call... some of you said it right: hire a babysitter and get over it!!!!!!! I'm sticking to my guns! Thanks for all the great input guys!!!