Two of my bridesmaids are telling me they are totally broke. I don't get it since they had over a year to plan and set aside a few bucks.
I picked $90 dresses. I told them to get the cheapest shoes they can find that are dyable. I am laying out $100 for their hair and makeup. I laid out $700 for the bachelorette party townhouse rental for the weekend.
Should I pay for their rooms at the hotel? We need to stay two nights - we are from NJ. Makeup/Hair is at 5AM on the Saturday (day of wedding) and Sunday we are treating the bridal party to brunch.
We can't all share on the night before the wedding as I originally planned because one girl has a new boyfriend and is bringing him. That would be weird. I picked a cheap hotel for us too $117 a night.
What should I offer to do? They also can't get time off- I needed them to either take the Friday off so we can get our nails done and prepare or at least be out by 10PM on the Friday, they are working til 7PM. I don't get it. They had over a year to tell their jobs they needed two Fridays either off of 1/2 days. Meanwhile they call out sick at the drop of a hat.
I've told them both to let me know now if they want out.
Any advice? They are insisting they don't want out but I just don't get why they'd stress me out 2 months before my wedding with all the other things I have going on. They keep going on about how broke they are and I too am broke and can't offer to pay for another thing.
Wishing now I had just gone with just a Maid of Honor.
sheyrena1314
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
wow - it sounds like you've been REALLY thoughtful about keeping their costs low, and you've been very generous already. IMHO, I wouldn't offer to pay for the hotel - they've got to figure it out. is it really that important that they get their nails done?
AllyDrew1108
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
I don't know, should I just let them do their own nails. I figured nails are important because it's open toed or peep toe shoes and the photos, but I guess if they can do them on their own, I could never do my own nails. I just think poor planning
futuremrsfab
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
It sounds like you have bent over backwards to keep the costs in check and sorry to say- they dont appreciate that- I know its hard, but you dont need this stress, so I would ask them to bow out
snwb08
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
eff them, that's crap! let them do the day before stuff on their own - just go with your MOH and mom or whatever to get nails done. and do NOT offer to pay for their hotels, you're already paying for plenty.
i DID just go with a maid of honor and it's the best thing I ever did. I can't believe all the stories about ungrateful or crazy BMs. why did they agree to be in the wedding then? it's not about them, it's YOUR day and you shouldn't have to deal with them.
SoonToBeMrsScott
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
No matter how much you try to make things easy for bridesmaid they are going to have some form of problem in my honest opinion I would have put my mom as my matron of honor and my 2 closest friends and screw everyone else because at the end of the day those are the people I want around at all times in my life the girls I had in my party made things hard when I didn't ask for much and lord knows my maid of honor brought me to tears enough times when you think you know your friends you find out you don't know them at all weddings sure show peoples true colors
mRm2008
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
WOW I am so sorry that you are going through this I think you have been more than generous in what you've put out of your own pocket, as well as in your choices for them as your bridal party. For your own sanity I hope they back out.
sheyrena1314
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
Sure - they can do their own nails. As long as its not a disaster, you really won't see it in the pics too much. As the bride, your hands will be in lots of pics, so it makes sense you really want a professional job done.
I don't think I'd say ask them to step out - but its not your job to figure everything out for them. You've asked them to stand up for you and by your side the day of the wedding - that was important to you. So as long as they are there for you during those very important 5 hours, you've got to ask yourself if anything else is really that important.
if they don't go to the bridal party brunch, its their loss. do the right thing by inviting them, but if they can't make it through (you said it - poor planning!) then you can only enjoy the brunch with those who did make the time to attend it.
If they can't afford the hotel, well then they will have to figure out a way to get to the place at 5am. if that means waking up at 3am to drive there, so be it. let them figure out how to get there. you're already going above and beyond to pay for their hair and makeup!
i have a bridesmaid who didn't participate in one things (not bach party, not shower, not dress picking, anything) but she will be there the day of for me. i was frustrated and hurt by her poor planning, but i've made the decision that for me, as long as she's by my side the day of, that's most important.
I also have a MOH who is my little sister and pregnant and giving birth a week before my wedding. (I planned the wedding and date BEFORE she got preggo - she just can't do math) and she told me her baby is the priority and she won't leave him with a sitter, so she might not even COME!
at the end of the day, you walk away with the man of your dreams, your friend and life partner. the rest is all small stuff.
dani1128
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
gee i think you have been pretty great! You've paid for alot and picked very low priced things for them
i dont have sympathy for people who knew so far in advance of these issues.. but in the end they usually work themselves out!
where in jersey are you from??? YAY jersey.. i live near hackensack
wo0shply
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
I would not pay for the hotel, if the one of your BM has a BF then maybe the BF should go to the wedding in the morning, no need for him to sleep over. If he wants to stay then maybe they should get their own hotel.
If cost is a factor, maybe your BMs can do their own nails.
Sorry this is happening to you.
RisiLeigh
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
Wow! I went thru something similar with one of my BMs. She constantly told me she had no money, yet it was even worse in her case, b/c she still continued to go out on weekends and all. She told me at my shower that she didn't have my gift right then, she'd give it to me another time (needless to say, I have yet to receive a shower gift). I just don't understand why you agree to be in someone's wedding when you know you don't have the control to put money aside for the months prior, you know?
You have gone above and beyond trying to save them money! I don't think you need to do a single thing more! They need to decide if they can come up with the money to still be in your wedding, b/c you have done enough!!!
MCA1180
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
Posted by sheyrena1314
Sure - they can do their own nails. As long as its not a disaster, you really won't see it in the pics too much. As the bride, your hands will be in lots of pics, so it makes sense you really want a professional job done.
I don't think I'd say ask them to step out - but its not your job to figure everything out for them. You've asked them to stand up for you and by your side the day of the wedding - that was important to you. So as long as they are there for you during those very important 5 hours, you've got to ask yourself if anything else is really that important.
if they don't go to the bridal party brunch, its their loss. do the right thing by inviting them, but if they can't make it through (you said it - poor planning!) then you can only enjoy the brunch with those who did make the time to attend it.
If they can't afford the hotel, well then they will have to figure out a way to get to the place at 5am. if that means waking up at 3am to drive there, so be it. let them figure out how to get there. you're already going above and beyond to pay for their hair and makeup!
i have a bridesmaid who didn't participate in one things (not bach party, not shower, not dress picking, anything) but she will be there the day of for me. i was frustrated and hurt by her poor planning, but i've made the decision that for me, as long as she's by my side the day of, that's most important.
I also have a MOH who is my little sister and pregnant and giving birth a week before my wedding. (I planned the wedding and date BEFORE she got preggo - she just can't do math) and she told me her baby is the priority and she won't leave him with a sitter, so she might not even COME!
at the end of the day, you walk away with the man of your dreams, your friend and life partner. the rest is all small stuff.
That's all that matters in the end!!! Bridal parties are overrated anyway!!!! I think we should kick that tradition to the curb.. it should just be bride and groom, screw the bridal party.....
When they really get on my nerves I just keep reminding myself to take a deep breath and focus on me and fh... lol
Bride908
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
honestly I think you did more than enough. We all know that being a bridesmaid is an added expense. If your girls cant afford it they should not have accepted. That being said if they want to be a part they will find a way. Im sure you have more than enough financial worries as it is. Youve done more than enough. If they cant manage they can back out.
Future Mulligan
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
you have been a VERY considerate bride....they sound like jerks - paying for a dress, shoes, hotel and a manicure isnt that bad - i pay for those things just to be a guest at a wedding KWIM? they didnt have to shell out for you BP or for their hair and make up - i think you are doing a lot of nice things for them.....
marriedinmontauk
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Re: HELP! Bridesmaid drama!
We paid for our best man's hotel...he wore what he liked. MOH paid her own way. We also paid the way for two of our guests. So decide how important it is for you.....if you want to pay their way go for it...if you tell them it's time to just be a guest, that's fine too. I have never been a bridesmaid, but I have always thought it's odd that they have to pay for their own dresses, which are essentially part of the atmosphere for the bride. I realize it's a tradition, but I felt odd about asking my friends to do it, and just had a MOH who wore a dress she already owned. Don't get me wrong, if one of my friends wants me to do it, I would be happy to pay my way. I also miss the days when bridesmaids wore little colored veils.
