Okay here's the situation. I'm going to a wedding this weekend for a friend from school. 2 of our other friends want to go in together on a gift that the 3 of us will split. Here's the problem--they're proposing to buy 3 gifts that total $150 and I think this isn't enough but I'm not sure how to say it. One girl and her husband are buying an apt in NYC so I'm guessing they're trying to save money and the other one is doing public interest work so money is an issue for her as well. I just don't think it's appropriate to give only a $150 gift for a total of 6 guests--each of us plus dates. I thought $150 per couple. I don't know how to say I think we should spend more money. Should I just buy a gift separately and have it sent to the bride & groom? Also, are we supposed to arrive with the gift or is it okay if we've ordered it and it's being shipped? I haven't gone to many weddings, so I'm at a loss. Thanks!
Ang&Rich
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Re: Help! Gift problem--what should I do?
Sticky situation...
I personally try to give between $200 - $300 depending on my relationship to the couple. I give it in cash but nothing dictates that you have to do it that way. With that said, if you are looking to give a gift - from her registry I'm sure - then there is absolutely no problem sending it to their home. I would be sure to bring a card to the reception though and perhaps include the gift receipt and a note saying that the item was shipped to her home. So, I'm thinking that if you and your FH can afford to give the $150 gift then that would be my advice. Perhaps you can let your friends know in a non-offensive way that you are concerned about splitting $150 beween 6 people as a gift - to make them feel better perhaps you can suggest that it might be more appropriate to split that gift between two couples as opposed to three.
james'pokey
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Re: Help! Gift problem--what should I do?
I think that you should be able to explain to the other couples that you have had your heart set on a particular gift for the bride and groom. You should be able to send a gift and it would probably be appreciated. Because, if not the couple will have to worry about getting them home. If you are concerned either way you can always give cash.
BlondeJD
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Re: Help! Gift problem--what should I do?
Thanks for the advice! Would it be okay to split the gift with the other girls and then give the bride & groom a card from me and FH with a check in it? People usually give money at weddings right? But the actual registry gifts are usually for engagement parties or bridal showers? Sorry, I've only gone to 1 LI wedding and the rest were in other parts of the country. No one does it up like we do
james'pokey
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Re: Help! Gift problem--what should I do?
Usually on LI people give money. I think your idea sounds nice. This way you do not insult your friends and you give what you feel comfortable giving! I hope you have a great time!
wc0143
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Re: Help! Gift problem--what should I do?
I personally would never go in on a gift with others. That's just me.
BlondeJD
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Re: Help! Gift problem--what should I do?
Thanks! This whole thing is so confusing. I hope I get invited to some more weddings before mine comes around. I need to figure out what the 'norm' is So, for a person with whom I'm friends but it's not like we talk on the phone all the time is $150 appropriate since I'm also going in on the other gift? I'm not sure if it matters where the wedding is being held (I've heard people talk about 'covering their plates') but it's at the Shelter Rock JC. Thanks again. You ladies are the best!
Ang&Rich
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Re: Help! Gift problem--what should I do?
Do you think that your friends might get offended if they were to find out that you also gave a check in addition to the gift?
BlondeJD
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Re: Help! Gift problem--what should I do?
Posted by Ang&Rich
Do you think that your friends might get offended if they were to find out that you also gave a check in addition to the gift
I don't think they'd find out. Not that I'm trying to be sneaky or anything-- I just don't want to make them feel bad. We're all friends from school because we were part of the same organization but none of us really hang out outside of school.
Ang&Rich
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Re: Help! Gift problem--what should I do?
Just saw your other post...there's no clear cut rule about what to give - it's completely up to you. For LI weddings it does seem to be the 'norm' to give money at the wedding over an actual present from the registry. We tend to reserve those things for engagement parties and bridal showers. But that does not mean that you have to do it that way. When you hear the term 'cover your plate' it's once again a blueprint but by no means required.
Oh and $150 is a fine gift - if you're also going on in the present then you're doing even more so don't worry - it's perfect!
Will you be inviting this person to your wedding?
Bebalina
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Re: Help! Gift problem--what should I do?
Posted by Ang&Rich
Sticky situation...
I personally try to give between $200 - $300 depending on my relationship to the couple. I give it in cash but nothing dictates that you have to do it that way. With that said, if you are looking to give a gift - from her registry I'm sure - then there is absolutely no problem sending it to their home. I would be sure to bring a card to the reception though and perhaps include the gift receipt and a note saying that the item was shipped to her home. So, I'm thinking that if you and your FH can afford to give the $150 gift then that would be my advice. Perhaps you can let your friends know in a non-offensive way that you are concerned about splitting $150 beween 6 people as a gift - to make them feel better perhaps you can suggest that it might be more appropriate to split that gift between two couples as opposed to three.
