Ok – so as many of you know I am newly engaged (Dec 17.) The other night I was on the phone with my friend from elementary school (one of my best friends but were just drastically different from one another) and she said, “I’m in the bridal party – right?” I was caught so off guard and was a little stunned. I could kick myself for responding the way I did – I said something along the lines of, “yea but I want to keep it small so don’t tell the girls until Mike and I can figure it out.)
Problem – we have a large family – My FH has 2 sisters, I have cousins who Im really close to and would like to keep the BP relatively small to avoid a lot of confusion. What should I do? I know I should have responded differently like “we haven’t even thought of that yet” or whatever BUT come on who does that? lol
I love my friend dearly and do NOT want to hurt her feelings but would it be wrong to tell her honestly that, “___ your one of my best friends and I’d love for you to be in the BP but we really are having a hard time on how to jungle friends and family – so we just really haven’t figured it out yet”
What the heck do I do?
Please any advice on what to say? What NOT to say?
Thank you so much in advance?
Plus, do you think it was out of line for my friend to say that?
xcalystax
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IMO it was WAYYY out of line for your friend to say that to you. I would never assume I was in anyone's bridal party unless I was explicity asked. If you are positive you do not want her in the bridal party then you need to approach the subject sooner rather than later... If you really value her friendship though it sounds as if she would get insulted if you tell her she is not in the BP... I would just let her be in it if she is a best friend and have a bigger BP party.
ZuzusPetals
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thanks for the advice - this is so hard.
Nina
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Posted by xcalystax
IMO it was WAYYY out of line for your friend to say that to you. I would never assume I was in anyone's bridal party unless I was explicity asked. If you are positive you do not want her in the bridal party then you need to approach the subject sooner rather than later... If you really value her friendship though it sounds as if she would get insulted if you tell her she is not in the BP... I would just let her be in it if she is a best friend and have a bigger BP party.
Well said. It was not right for her to put you on the spot. But you know in your heart what you have to do...
Joyous1995
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I wish I knew about this site at the time. I allowed my bridemaids pretty much pick themselves. I probably would have picked them anyway but I was kinda caught off guard too!
kmkelly
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I had an old friend ask me this same question. I was her MOH (this was 25 years ago though). We've had periodic contact since, but she's always been a bit flaky. Plus she borrowed my credit card once for what seemed to be an important legitimate use and racked up $1,000 of charges, including paying her cable bill, etc. I let that go. But my bridal party is full of my family and my best friend from childhood, and there's no room, even if I wanted her. So the answer was no, it's already planned and I'm over my wedding party limit as it is.
lipglossjunky73
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Maybe you can say this -
I was so excited about being engaged, I spoke a bit too soon regarding you being in the bridal party. It is somehting I really wanted to talk to FH about before we made any final decsiions. I forgot how many close family members we have together, and I wanted something small. You mean so much to me, but you can imagine I am so swamped with so many expectations! I feel like I'm pulled in so many directions.
I am not sure if it will be feasible for you to be in the actual wedding party, but I'd really like your guidance through this whole crazy process - you are my dear friend and I know you'll always be there when I need advice on my ____
You don't have to say this all in one conversation - just some suggestions - good luck!!!
aliwnec10
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Well all i can say is that this happens more than you think. My oldest and dearest friend made a similar comment when i first got engaged. Except she was hinting at being my MOH and then she quickly said... well hopefully i'm at least in the bridal party (i think she realized what she said). Don't get me wrong, she didn't say it in a bitchy way or anything, we've just been friends for so long... that to her (and to me) it was almost assumed. However, my FH's friend came right out and said... 'i better be your best man.' Yes he is in the party, but my FH hasn't chosen a best man yet and knew his friend was going to do this.
While being engaged and planning this wedding, i have been taken back many times by what people say. Between the bridal party people and those that will just come right up to you and ask... 'am i invited to the wedding?' It's just amazing!
So, if i were you, i'd talk to your friend asap. But before you do that, have a good idea of who you want in your bridal party. If you have tons of family, than just tell her that you spoke too soon the other day and that you really need to have your family first and that you hope she understands. A good friend... will ALWAYS understand. But just tell her, you haven't figured it out 100% yet. Good luck!
Happybride2005
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just be honest with her. if she's a true friend she would understand
ali120206
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I am amazed at how many people say these things and don't realize how awkward of a spot it puts people in!!!
Yes, definitely be honest with her and let her know what you are thinking. I am finding it's a really hard process to pick a bridal party, there are two girls who's weddings I've been in and I don't have them in mine (and I was one's maid of honor).
Maybe you can find another important wedding related job for her. I've been a 'hostess' many times at friends weddings which basically is handing out programs and getting people to sign the guest book, etc.
petunia77
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well, look at it this way, she put HERSELF in the awkward situation. IMO, tell her you spoke too soon and that your bridal party will be family only. you can always come up with another special job for her to include her in the wedding.
babybug631
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She should not have asked you that question. If you want to keep it just family, then let her know. Don't feel forced to have someone in your BP. She should understand.
