First I want to start off saying that I still want to marry my fiance! And I still want to do it in September. It is just the actual wedding that I don't want. I have a very big family and am having a big wedding (200 people). I am really starting to regret everything that we booked. I am not as excited as I should be about this wedding. I LIKE the place we are having it, but I don't LOVE it. All the places I loved were out of our price range, so I settled for it. I LIKE my centerpeices. I am making them myself and people say they are nice, but I don't LOVE them. We are paying for this ourselves and to me the wedding we are planning isn't worth all the money we are spending on it. I really want to cancel it and have a much smaller casual wedding. I tried to talk to FH about this and he said that he wants me to be happy but it is too late to change it because we already paid deposits. I don't know what to do. I am stressed out and really regret everything. WHat should I do?
AtticaQT
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
I think your wedding should be something that you absolute love -
It sounds like the only problem is the hall - since at any wedding you are going to need a band and photographer - is there anyway that you can change the hall? What is their policy?
What else do you want to change besides the hall??
For the centerpeices -you can always use the money you are saving from the hall right??
I'm sorry it doesnt seem like i am helping much -
neesiepie
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
it's NEVER too late to change anythinbg. You should do what you want and have no regrets! I think maybe have a really classy,tasteful small-scale wedding instead of having a scimpy large-scale wedding where you're basically settling for everything just to accomodate your guests. Do what makes you happy, but you should also discuss with your FH...and make some kind of compromise. Good Luck!
julz33
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
I want to change the hall, the amount of people, the size of my bridal party, the centerpieces and all the decorations. I didn't book the photographer or florist yet, but what I like so far I can't afford. I just rather not have the 'traditional' wedding. I want something more casual and fun and less expensive. Is it too late?
Sage10.03
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
You don't want to ever look back and regret your wedding day...I am sorry you are feeling this way and second guessing your choices....
Like Neesiepie said, it's never too late to change things....You just have to decide to do it and stick to it. I should know...I did the same thing....
I started planning a huge wedding at a very $$ hall in NJ and after much debate and going back and forth DH and I changed our minds, planned a wedding in Italy and had 75 guests fly out to share it with us....
I went from planning a wedding everyone expected us to have, to planning the fairytale wedding of my dreams....
Looking back, I am SO HAPPY that we changed our minds and went with our hearts....
Yes, there were people who were upset and disappointed they couldn't be there, but they got over it and in the end....we had the wedding of our dreams....
Good Luck and go with what YOU WANT....not what everyone else wants or expects!
Jordan
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
I don't think it's ever too late. What you'd have to do is figure out what you'd lose by cancelling the hall...then figure out where you could have a more less formal affair - and see if the difference is worth it. (see if what you've already paid/will be losing and then spending on a new place, would be cheaper than if you just kept your hall.)
What do you envision as your dream wedding?
wenndypoo
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
I'm sorry you are going through this, I can totally understand how you feel. You need to love this, not settle to meet the expectations of those around you (no matter how well meaning they may be). I'd say the first step is to call the hall and find out how much of your deposit you can get back. Then you will know what you are dealing with financially. Then sit down with FI and discuss what you really want.
It's a hard decision. I think as much as we all say it's all about us, we really do want to some extent to please our families and friends. But you really need to follow your heart.
Good luck!
julz33
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
We already paid a lot to the hall and I don't see why they would give us any money back. For this reason my FH doesn't want to change it. He also said I was happy when we booked it, which is true, I don't know why I changed my mind.
wenndypoo
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
Check your contract, give them a call, it doesn't hurt to ask!
I don't know if it really matters 'why', if you feel that strongly about it.
JimmysBride
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
Maybe you are like me. I 2nd guess myself on EVERYTHING, especially with planning this wedding. MONTHS after I booked my site, I started looking again because I was having second thoughts, mostly about the price (only a little about the place itself) When I went back to see it and was on the verge of cancelling, all it took was one look at the place to remember why I picked it! Then I was 2nd guessing my date for months. I finally ended up changing my date and moving it up 7 months this week.
So what I do when I am feeling like you, (at one point I was positive I was having a destination wedding in the carribean and was already calling hotels to block off rooms! ) I try to sit back, let the second thoughts brew, think about it, work it out on paper, and then drop it for awhile. If it keeps coming back (like the thing with my date - just couldn't let it go!) you HAVE to address it.
I also strongly suggest you visit your reception site one more time before making this decision. You might remember why you wanted a big wedding in the first place and why you chose your site! Also, consider your alternatives thoroughly. Start planning your casual wedding in your head and on paper. See which one you are happier with. You can always make changes to the wedding plans, you won't be able to erase your regrets of not having the wedding you always dreamed of so easily. Good luck hon, I know how difficult this is... give yourself plenty of time to make up your mind and just try remember that your wedding is only one day so what matters most is the end result - your marriage.
mcc101
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
GREAT ADVICE JIMMYSBRIDE!! I AGREE WITHEVERYTHING SHE SAID AND REMEMBER THIS IS YOUR WEDDING...DON'T LET OTHER FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS INFLUENCE YOUR DECISIONS.......IT SHOULD BE ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FH.
GOOD LUCK AND I WISH YOU THE BEST!
skew
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
If you really are not IN LOVE w/ the hall, could you speak to them and tell them that you decided to do a destination or casual, low-key wedding instead, but would like to have your rehearsal dinner there? Are there any smallish rooms where you could hold a rehearsal dinner? Obviously you would have to change the night, but at least you wouldn't lose your depoist or whatever $$ you have paid thus far and they will not lose your business.
This way you could scout out some other halls and book a location that you LOVE.
FM
nsgraham
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
All the girls gave such great advice, but I just have to add my 2 cents... remember that the wedding is only one day and your marriage will be forever. Do what is right for your marriage and you can't go wrong. Best of luck!
julz33
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
Thanks everyone for the advice.
Nadine - I FMed you back
kathleenmarie
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
do whats in your heart, but remember that in stressful times we can get very unsure of ourselves. go walk around the hall again, take some pictures, write down the pro's and cons, and make a list of things you can do to add some things you do love to the wedding. I'm a big fan of working things out on paper as a previous poster said. In the end your heart and gut will tell you what do do. Best of luck hon.
jenny2penny
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
i am so sorry you are going through this. my Fh & I were in a similar situation and no longer wanted a huge event. We wound up changing halls. things happend for a reason and I think it's going to be even better at WATERMILL, that Stewart Manor CC.
we are deciding to invte those who are family (luck for us we have a small one), and kept the friends list to those closest and will remain in our lives after the wedding.
We deciding making it intimate, and having money for a house (so we don't have to rent afterwards) is more important.
This took a lot of thought, tears, heartache and worries. But it's coming together and I could not be happier (if only a CERTAIN COUNTRY CLUB, was more understanding!!!!!)
JZNCK
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Re: Help I need advice - I want to cancel the wedding
It sounds like your just having the initial 'shock'.. When FI and I first realized how much money everything was going to be we were like holy cow.. SHould we do this? Is it worth it? blah blah blah.. But now, I've really gotten into it.. I would definately think about it a little more.. Does your FH want to have a big wedding? is he involved in it.. I think you should do whatever makes you happy. It is your day.. Maybe a traditional wedding isn't for you.. MY advice is just do what you want, it's your life.. I've learned not to take anyones opinions to heart..everyone has their own opinion but only you have to live your life.. GOOD LUCK sweetie, it'll all work out
