Hi everyone - I was hoping for some advice - because I am sure someone has been through this before - or know someone who has. OK - I have only been engaged 5 months to my wonderful boyfriend of 6 years. My mother loves him very much. We have both been living in seperate apartments for the past 3 years. Recently his parents have offered us to stay at their home (they are moving to Floridia in a few months) for the low cost of $500 a month for rent. That would save us $1,000 a month between both of us. Which is great - we have no money saved so we could really use the extra cash for the wedding. NOW WE COME TO THE PROBLEM On Sunday, Mothers Day, my mother decided to announce ever so casually that if my finace and I move in together beforer we are married she will not give us any money for the wedding. By The Way - The only money we have for the wedding was supposed to come from her. So we have virtually no money for the wedding. I really don't want to start a big fight with her as my step father has passed away under 2 years ago and she is very fragile. Moving in togther and saving the money is very important to both FH and I Since iwork in the wedding industry I thought planniing my wedding would be a breeze - but I am having problems before i even started to book anything!!!!
What would you do? Any advice?
buggiegirl
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what if you compromise- fh can save $$ by moving in to his parents house, and maybe you can move in with your mom or something? that way it is only a temporary thing and you will still get the $$
just an idea
ChrissynRicky
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Similar situation, but not nearly as sensitive.
My parents are STRICT Catholics, and are not permitting us to live together until we take the walk down the aisle. So what we did: both of us are living at home and sucking it up for the next year.
In my opinion: you're damned if you don't, you're damned if you do. If you move in w/your FI and defy your mother, she won't pay for the wedding and you'll absolutely break her heart by defying her.
If you stay as you are and live apart, not defying your mother's wishes, you get your wedding paid for, and decrease any animosity and hositility that will come of it in the future.
What I would do: -I wouldn't want anything to come between my mother and I, and I would stay living apart until I'm married. See if the FI moves into the cheaper living quarters (his family's house for $500) and save up that money!
arosa
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I would tell FH to live by himself til the wedding in the house. It will be hard but I think it will make your mom happy. I wish you the best. It's a hard decision to make. I think one of you should take it.
jersee3380
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yea, let fh move into the house and pay the rent. you stay with your mom and save as much as you can. at least you know you have some place to go if things get hairy at home and fh will be alone.
or ... how much is your mom giving you? figure it out depending on what you save and what she would give as to whether its worth it or not to you guys to live together now?
Mrs. dleeny
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Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. it sounds to me like you’re in a “catch 22” situation.
I totally respect religious beliefs, but maybe you can try and talk to your mom and telling her that not only will it be beneficial for you to move in together in order to save money, but it’s practical. Like I said, I respect people’s beliefs 100%, but in this day and age I think it’s the smart thing to do for couples to live together before they get married.
The saying is true, you don’t really know someone unless you live with them.
Some food for thought. Good luck
ChrissynRicky
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Posted by dleeny
Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. it sounds to me like you’re in a “catch 22” situation.
I totally respect religious beliefs, but maybe you can try and talk to your mom and telling her that not only will it be beneficial for you to move in together in order to save money, but it’s practical. Like I said, I respect people’s beliefs 100%, but in this day and age I think it’s the smart thing to do for couples to live together before they get married.
The saying is true, you don’t really know someone unless you live with them.
Some food for thought. Good luck
I personally agree w/you where a couple should live together b4 marriage, BUT - and a big FAT BUT - my parents won't have anything to do with me if I ever went against them like this.
JessicaM.
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I agree with the other girls. these are very sensitive issue with parents, and there is a way to have both worlds. with your mom's money still available and the extra saving's FH will have, it's still a practical solution in that you ARE still saving (and you have wedding HELP, which is like a mirage to me!)
DayBeforeThanksgiving
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Yes, save half by having him live wiht his parents and you move in and save money. My friend was in a similar situation and they threatened to not pay for anything, but in the end they are going to. I say, if you have lived apart this long... go for a little longer to make Mommy happy and still be able to have the $ for the wedding. I hope this helps! Good Luck!
nov04LIbride
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Money comes with strings attached--no way around that. If you want her money, then do what she says. If you want to pay for it yourself (which is the route I went with so I wouldn't have to answer to anyone else because believe me, she WILL butt in again), then move in with FH. Good luck!
Boop2704
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My mom was very very against DH and I moving in before the wedding, but there came a point where I was so unhappy and told her I was going to move in with him for my happiness. Well, at first she was very upset, but got over it quickly. I kinda pulled a little reverse thing on her. She and my dad are divorced and I asked her if she lived with my dad before they got married. When she told me no, I said well than don't you think it would be smart for me to live with him for a while berforehand to see how things go. I told her I didn't want to make a mistake like she did and she bought it!!
Good Luck! You really have to think hard about this and do what will be best for you and your FH. Maybe try having a real heart to heart with her!!
lillian771
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I understand your dilemma completely, as I have a similar situation.
For us, it was just easier to keep seperate residences for now, so I moved in with my brother and his wife, who let me live there rent-free until the wedding, and my FH stayed at his parents house. We recently bought a house, and I'm still keeping up this ridiculous charade. I stay at FH and my house 5-6 nights a week, and stay at my brother's 1-2 nights just to keep up 'appearances.' Its getting difficult, and I often feel all over the place, but I figure I can last another 2 1/2 months until the wedding. Good luck!!
amyandbill
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First I would have a heart to heart with your mom, tell her that you really love your fi and think this will be just the start you need to really get ahead. If she doesn't go for it I would have fi move in with his parents and move that wedding up!!!
lullabella
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How much would you be saving if your mom wasn't contributing. This will help you determine if it is really worth it since your mom won't pay if you move in. What about moving home with mom in the inetrim. If your FI has his own place you can stay there alot but just LIVE at your moms?
Blu-ize
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That's unfair of her to do that. She's holding that over your head. One adult doesn't do that to another adult. Do what's in your heart. I would move in with him and pay for the wedding myself. She doesn't realize that she will not be included in the planning if she is not contributing.
serendipity0680
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I would stay with your Mom & let your FH move into his parents house, so you both can save as much $ as possible. I know right now all you want to do is be together but just think living separate for little longer will allow you to have the wedding you want. And remember the 2 of you are going to have the rest of your lives together.
Jacny23
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OK everyone Thanks for your advice. I spoke with mom last night and she said she thought it over in the last few days and has chagned her mind. I am so excited. More excited to know that my mom and i are not at odds anymore. She does not agree with me and my fiance moving in together but she will except it and still contribute money to the wedding!!! Thanks again for your support and advice!!!
