Hi, I am wondering on how to deal with my mother on this one. Since I am planning a memorial day weekend wedding, my FI and I are starting looking at places. I fell in love with East Wind the second I got there. We went to the bridal showcase on Sunday with my mom and aunt.
Here's my problem. My mother is instistant on having the reception where her friend's daughter had hers. It seems like she wants my wedding to be an exact replica of her friend's daughters wedding. Now I know I don't have a lot of say in the matter since she is the one paying but it's fustrating!!! I am paying for the dj and she wants to get the same dj too!!
How can I tell her this without starting a huge fight?? My dad won't get in the middle of this either. I'm not against the hall totally, it's just I want my own wedding, not the same as someone elses.
Marcie
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
I think you should tell her what you just posted ~ I want my own wedding, not the same as someone elses.
Have her explain to you why she wants it like the other persons wedding and state you want to be original in your own things. That you have had vision of how you always what your wedding to be and thats not it. Just put it nicely - she should be willing to listen - right?
Stacey04
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
Sorry about this, and no offense to anyones mother/parents, but just b/c they are paying for your wedding, I don't think they have a right to plan the entire thing.
Have you explained that this is your dream place and any other location it just wouldn't be the same?
I would recommend crying.
divabride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
Posted by Marcie
I think you should tell her what you just posted ~ I want my own wedding, not the same as someone elses.
Have her explain to you why she wants it like the other persons wedding and state you want to be original in your own things. That you have had vision of how you always what your wedding to be and thats not it. Just put it nicely - she should be willing to listen - right?
I totally agree with Marcie. Let her know that you want yoru wedding to be about you, not some replica of someone else's wedding.
coxmandi
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
Be rational with your mom. Have you asked her what she really liked about the other person's wedding? Maybe you can recreate those things at the place she liked.
kris15198
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
I think she just has her heart set on this other place. Anytime I mention somewhere else she says 'at Diana's wedding.....'. I was not against looking at the place at first and now I just don't want to go there. It's kinda funny since it's a 6 mile difference from my house to the place she wants than my house to the place I want.
littlebookworm4
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
exactly!!
lishbone
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
i would simply tell her that you appreciate that she liked her friends daughters wedding and remind her that ALL girls are different when it comes to their wedding..tell her you appreciate all that she is doing for you but i think you just want your touch to your big day. if you are paying for your dj and she is telling your about another it may be that she is just overly excited and trying to help..so just let her know how you feel..it doesnt have to be a big fight...GOOD LUCK
Blu-ize
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
This is one of my pet peeves..just because someone is generous enough and able to help you pay for your wedding does not give them the right to dicate anything! You are a reasonable person with your own likes and dislikes and will probably have just as nice of a wedding as Diana if not better! You may want to let her know that you can appreciate that she thought her wedding was wonderful, but yours is going to be even better. She needs to trust you.
JenNeen
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
I went through something similar. It takes a lot of calm reasoning, but in the end your mom wants you to be happy and will come around. Be patient and calm, but address this with her right away.
Good Luck.
kris15198
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
I feel horrible in a way since I'm kinda hoping the place she wants is out of our budget
stacy&joe
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
Being just weeks away from the big day, I can honestly say now is the time to learn a lesson I learned too late - YOUR and FH's DAY, YOUR WAY. I hate to shout, but a lot of parents have a hard time letting go of their little girls and boys, and although most mean well and are trying to help, they have to let you and your FH find your own way and have a wedding that identifies you as a couple. As long as you are nice, and sweet, and appreciative of the gift of paying for the wedding, my advice is to let your mom know that this day is a reflection of YOU and your FH, and not Diana. Good luck!! This is a hard road to travel with some parents, but I think it is the best prep for your marriage.
danielleb
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
I feel for you. My mother keeps insisting -and has even gone so far as to TELL some of my relatives -that my wedding is going to be in Fairfax, VA --where I grew up. BUt I AM GETTING MARRIED ON LONG ISLAND!! It really hurt my feelings at first that she wanted something completely different than what I wanted...but now... I have come to terms with the fact that no matter what happens one of us will be unhappy--and since its MY wedding -it's not going to be me.
May05Bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
Try to talk to her. Talk to her calmly and explain your situation. Bring out the benefits of being unique and tell her that yours will even be better!
germai68
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
Just keep talking to her and explaining your feelings. Hopefully your point will get across.
jimmysgrl
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help !-Long, Sorry.
I agree. It is going to take a nice, calm sitting down session letting her know that you've been dreaming of this day all your life and although it sounded like so and so had a beautiful wedding, its not the wedding of YOUR dreams. Let her know that you appreciate everything she is doing up until this point and you coudl throw in that you wish she could be happier for you that you have found the place that is everything you've ever wanted. Say somethig like, mom i don't want this to be tension between us, I value your opinion so much and am so excited for us to plan this together but I really would rather not have my reception there. Good luck! I know it can be a tricky situation but its true, in the end, your mom loves you and will really want to do what makes you happy.....
