help!! long, sorry

this is a hard one....I would try to explain to him that getting a Phd and being in Iraq are two different things and you cant relate them at all. Going to school might be difficult and time consuming but at least you guys will be CLOSE to each other and see each other every night! you most def can go to school and be a wife! while, being in Iraq fighting a war is emotionally straining on you and him...your relationship could suffer alot of hes ALWAYS away ..and..not to mention the constant danger hes in. Try to explain this to him si he understands that HE will be just as important as going to school and that he will be a priority and you will make time for him! i guess just explain exactly what you are feeling....good luck and let me know how it goes

Thanks for all of the support and advice. In reply to some of you thinking I am being selfish I do not feel that I am. Getting a PhD and going to fight a war are completely different dreams. Mine is not life threatening, mine will better our future with a higher income and his could completely end out future in a moment. People are not trying to kill me while I get my PhD! I want him to be able to live out his dreams, but while we are at war I can't really be too supportive of my husband risking his life. If wanting my husband alive is selfish then I am selfish.

Also is was a well known fact that I wanted my PhD BEFORE we even got married and he went to Iraq. I was okay with being a military wife for the time he has left in the military, but it was not in our plans for him to re enlist. Before he left he didn't want to re-enlist, he was just going to get our, so that is why I was okay with marrying a military man.

I don't thin kyour selfish!

what are his reasons to want to re enlist?
I hope everything works out for you!

's

You are not being selfish.
You have FM.

You are not being selfish. I think anyone in you situation would just want there husband home.

I don't get your FH's reasoning to why he wouldn't want you to get you PHD.

I am sorry you have to go trough this. My heart goes out there to anyone who has a loved one in the Military.

my friend just married a military man.... same deal .. didnt want him to re enlist and he his.... i dont know what is is with these guys but it is like an addiction or something... i know my friends dh, it is like his identitiy... he has been apert of it so long he doesnt know how not to hav eit in his life... i fear for my friend... a military wife is a tought life... they rushed thier wedding because he was going to be away.. and now she got pregnant right away because he is going away... it just seems they are rushing things and it just isnt natural...its a sucky situation in my opinion... ask him why he wants to reenlist... amybe he is afraid of getting a non military job....

i dont think i helped at all...

i am sorry... good luck..

its tough

I think a lot of his wanting to re enlist is pressure from his higher ups over there and his friends who are re enlisting and the fact that he does not know what to do once he is out. They also offer you about 60,000 to re enlist and if you do it while you are in Iraq you don't get taxed. He is from a poor family so to him that is a lot of money, but when you span that over the time you re enlist for and the fact that it is at the cost of your life it is not a lot at all.

He is a good Marine and has some power and I think he must like that. I think he prob does not want to get out and start out at the bottom of the food chain again in a different job. To them being a Marine isn't a job, it does become their identity. I understand where he is coming from and I do wish that I was the type of person that was strong enough to support this, but I am not and I made it known before we got married. It would be one thing if this was his dream his entire life, but this is something totally new to me. It was the plan for him to get out and go to school and then all of the sudden he goes to Iraq again and now he wants to re enlist.

His mother said she thinks he is afraid I will get my PhD and leave him behind or something like that which is insane to me.

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Posted by azailia

my friend just married a military man.... same deal .. didnt want him to re enlist and he his.... i dont know what is is with these guys but it is like an addiction or something... i know my friends dh, it is like his identitiy... he has been apert of it so long he doesnt know how not to hav eit in his life... i fear for my friend... a military wife is a tought life... they rushed thier wedding because he was going to be away.. and now she got pregnant right away because he is going away... it just seems they are rushing things and it just isnt natural...its a sucky situation in my opinion... ask him why he wants to reenlist... amybe he is afraid of getting a non military job....

i dont think i helped at all...

i am sorry... good luck..

its tough

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I am sorry about your friend and her situation! I wish her the best!

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Posted by Tiamo626

His mother said she thinks he is afraid I will get my PhD and leave him behind or something like that which is insane to me.

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As insane as it may sound.....it happened to me and that is why I got divorced. My exhusband originally started dating me bc I was 'different' from other girls he had dated in the past. My hair is RED, I have piercings and tattoos. Once he graduated with his PhD all of my differentness was unacceptable-he wanted someone more 'sophisticated' in a wife, which is funny bc.....anyways off the subject. My dad always said, once he gets his PhD, he will change, things will change. I am in NO WAY saying this will happen or you will do this but it has happened to a few people that I know. I understand how his mom could be worried. You need to have a seriuos sit down before the wedding and really really discuss it.

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Posted by monkeybuttz

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Posted by Tiamo626

His mother said she thinks he is afraid I will get my PhD and leave him behind or something like that which is insane to me.

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As insane as it may sound.....it happened to me and that is why I got divorced. My exhusband originally started dating me bc I was 'different' from other girls he had dated in the past. My hair is RED, I have piercings and tattoos. Once he graduated with his PhD all of my differentness was unacceptable-he wanted someone more 'sophisticated' in a wife, which is funny bc.....anyways off the subject. My dad always said, once he gets his PhD, he will change, things will change. I am in NO WAY saying this will happen or you will do this but it has happened to a few people that I know. I understand how his mom could be worried. You need to have a seriuos sit down before the wedding and really really discuss it.

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I am sorry to hear that happened to you. I honestly don't see it happening though with me. Although I am sure no one ever does.

I think you both would benefit greatly from pre-marital counseling. This is a major life decision that a neutral third party could help you both sort out. Good luck!

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Posted by Tiamo626

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Posted by monkeybuttz

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Posted by Tiamo626

His mother said she thinks he is afraid I will get my PhD and leave him behind or something like that which is insane to me.

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As insane as it may sound.....it happened to me and that is why I got divorced. My exhusband originally started dating me bc I was 'different' from other girls he had dated in the past. My hair is RED, I have piercings and tattoos. Once he graduated with his PhD all of my differentness was unacceptable-he wanted someone more 'sophisticated' in a wife, which is funny bc.....anyways off the subject. My dad always said, once he gets his PhD, he will change, things will change. I am in NO WAY saying this will happen or you will do this but it has happened to a few people that I know. I understand how his mom could be worried. You need to have a seriuos sit down before the wedding and really really discuss it.

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I am sorry to hear that happened to you. I honestly don't see it happening though with me. Although I am sure no one ever does.

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Nope, sure didnt see it comming but Im a better person bc of it ya know?

I hope that you two come to a happy medium and live happily ever after!! We deserve it dang it!!!

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Posted by monkeybuttz

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Posted by Tiamo626

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Posted by monkeybuttz

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Posted by Tiamo626

His mother said she thinks he is afraid I will get my PhD and leave him behind or something like that which is insane to me.

---

As insane as it may sound.....it happened to me and that is why I got divorced. My exhusband originally started dating me bc I was 'different' from other girls he had dated in the past. My hair is RED, I have piercings and tattoos. Once he graduated with his PhD all of my differentness was unacceptable-he wanted someone more 'sophisticated' in a wife, which is funny bc.....anyways off the subject. My dad always said, once he gets his PhD, he will change, things will change. I am in NO WAY saying this will happen or you will do this but it has happened to a few people that I know. I understand how his mom could be worried. You need to have a seriuos sit down before the wedding and really really discuss it.

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I am sorry to hear that happened to you. I honestly don't see it happening though with me. Although I am sure no one ever does.

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Nope, sure didnt see it comming but Im a better person bc of it ya know?

I hope that you two come to a happy medium and live happily ever after!! We deserve it dang it!!!

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Aw thanks! And yes we do all deserve that!!! It just stinks how hard it is to get it!

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Posted by MrsS4

have you sent him a letter or talked to him about it or are you waiting until he gets home?

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The thing is we talk about it and I think it is settled that he is not going to do it and then the next convo we have he is bringing it up again! I told him just to wait until we can talk face to face.