Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

...and, quite honestly, we've kind of been arguing a lot more with each other lately. We just don't seem to be 'clicking'. We're both under a lot of stress. We'ver been going through a lot of changes (new job for him, his mom moved down to FL this year, we recently bought a house, money issues stressing us out, etc. - all at once). To be maybe a little too open and honest, we haven't exactly been too intimate lately - I've been tired and busy. His hourse recently changed, so when he's getting home from work, it's time for me to go to bed. He gets aggravated on weekends when I'm tired and fall asleep. Then again... he's not exactly Mr. Romantic, so my 'cuddly' needs aren't being met. I think he's been stressed, too lately, so I think he's kind of been down in the dumps lately. Isn't this supposed to be the best time in our lives? I also get mad because he's not really into planning the wedding at all. I'm just worried that we're not how we usually are with each other -and we don't even have the time with each other to find ourselves. This weekend, I'll be recovering from my Vision Correction surgery, so we can't even plan anything to do. Any suggestions?

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

I think that some arguing as the wedding gets closer is normal, because of the stress of all the planning, and it seems you guys not only have the wedding but a lot of big changes going on. I know FH & I almost never argue but we did our fair share right around the wedding , but now all is back to normal.

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

YOu just need to find a weekend or a weekday and go away with eachother. It will be difficult to do, but just surprise him. It will al be worth it in the end.

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

FH & I have been arguing a lot too...especially over $$$. It's a sore subject. And to be honest, it makes me nervous about marriage. BUT....

Keep in mind (and I'm doing this too) that stress is normal, I'm learning, as we plan. Keep remembering what things were like before the wedding stress came about because THAT is why you're marrying FH.

I wouldn't sweat him not being into the planning - mine isn't either - and it actually makes it easier for me.

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

i think you need to take some time, once you recover from your surgery, to just be together and try (as hard as it may seem) to talk about things non-wedding. some guys really aren't into wedding planning and they'll go along with what the brides do (planning wise) but they get annoyed when they are asked to be included in something that they want no part of. now of course i'm not saying that he is not completely thrilled to marry you, I'm sure he is, BUT he might not be thrilled about the whole wedding... there is getting married and then there are weddings (sometimes, they are two different things). and a lot of guys are just not interested in it.

so, as you guys come down to the wire here, i would try and focus on each other and when you are around him, i would steer clear from the things that he obviously is not into for a little while. try just going to the beach or maybe even just renting a movie and staying in for a weekend and just focusing on each other. if you just put a little effort in and try to be affectionate i think he'll respond really well. weddings are really stressful and they can sometimes get to be too much-- it happens with me and my FH, so we take a step back and just try to focus on us for a while.

i think if you do these things-- the physical aspect will come along with it in time. good luck!!! i'm sure everything will go back to normal... here's some hugs for you!

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

I'm sorry to hear that you are having issues with FH. I think fighting is common close to the wedding date. A couple that we knew were ready to kill each other by the time their wedding came up.

And everyone has to be really careful with the money issue since that is the number one reason the divorce rate is so high! Scarey thought.

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

I've been going through the same stuff lately and it does suck. I don't see FH at all, and when I do, he's so tired. We had a big fight about it, but now he's trying to do more with me, rather than sit on the couch and sleep. Hope it works out for you!!!

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

Thanks, ladies... I think I'm just scared. I look at other couples that are so 'in love' - and I wonder if there's something wrong that we don't have that. But we were never that 'mushy' couple... but we have our moments. We just haven't had one of those moments in awhile, and now we don't even get the opportunity to have those moments since our time with each other is so limited. He's going to be be working 2-10 this entire summer, so I'm not going to get to see him, except on weekends. It s*cks. . Then it almost feels like I have to get to know him again. It's weird. Then I don't want to bring up serious issues, like money stress, with him because I don't want to spend the few moments we have together arguing. Thanks for letting me vent and for your advice.

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

Hi I think what you are going through is totally normal - You are going through some growing pains...

My FH and I were like that when we first bought our house and sometimes we are so busy we have not time for ourselves we don't get much 'cuddly' time also which is very frustrating...When you are recovered I think you and FH need to turn cell phones off - regular phones and schedule a WELL DESERVED Date night...just for you and him and reconnect...have some major 'cuddle' time...

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

welcome to the real world... i agree times life su(ks... and it is going to happen for the rest of your lives.. you just need to remember it is not a permanent state unless you allow it to be! just remember every little bit helps... take 5 minutes to just take a nice long hug... we all get busy schedules and believe me i have been doing a lot of freaking out about how a lot of people seem to just make things more difficult right now... every day i nag FH to nag his groomsmen to get measured.. we've been telling them for a month now! that doenst help anything between FH and I... but we realize it is not a perminent situation and things will be better, and worse, and better and worse... honestly i think those are probably the most important part of your vows to realize and take to heart.. for better or worse! when you can, tired or not, just make dinner together get a movie and veg on the couch with a bottle of wine or what ever drinks you prefer! dont have time to cook or too tired, order in.. pizza, sushi.. and leave the tv off while you eat... just remember to make every minute count that is all.. take that extra second to give an extra kiss or 2 in the morning as you seperate and start your days! almost every morning i drag FH back in the door for an extra kiss... he laughs at me, but hey he leaves with a smile!

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

My mom and aunt's keep telling me arguing is normal before getting married. It is the stress and all the emotions involved. Feel better and things will get better I'm sure of it!

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

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Posted by TheBigDay

welcome to the real world... i agree times life su(ks... and it is going to happen for the rest of your lives.. you just need to remember it is not a permanent state unless you allow it to be! just remember every little bit helps... take 5 minutes to just take a nice long hug... we all get busy schedules and believe me i have been doing a lot of freaking out about how a lot of people seem to just make things more difficult right now... every day i nag FH to nag his groomsmen to get measured.. we've been telling them for a month now! that doenst help anything between FH and I... but we realize it is not a perminent situation and things will be better, and worse, and better and worse... honestly i think those are probably the most important part of your vows to realize and take to heart.. for better or worse! when you can, tired or not, just make dinner together get a movie and veg on the couch with a bottle of wine or what ever drinks you prefer! dont have time to cook or too tired, order in.. pizza, sushi.. and leave the tv off while you eat... just remember to make every minute count that is all.. take that extra second to give an extra kiss or 2 in the morning as you seperate and start your days! almost every morning i drag FH back in the door for an extra kiss... he laughs at me, but hey he leaves with a smile!

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I agree with this ... it is supposed to be a great time, but real life isn't sunshine and flowers all the time. There's always going to be real life stresses, but you deal with them and then remember all the great things that are coming. It's funny because a friend and I had a very similar discussion this weekend about how we wished everything early in our relationships was flawless, but in the real world when you first start dating someone you're usually still looking at other people or even dating other people. It's very rarely the fairytale that we wish.

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

After my fh and I bought our house it was a big adjustment. He was in school, I was starting a new school year at work, we even 'threatened to call it off' for like four hours (we were at work) but then we sat down and talked through all the petty stuff and that helped a lot!!!!!

Re: Help... My FH and I have limited time with each other now...

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Posted by Mooshyboo

Hi I think what you are going through is totally normal - You are going through some growing pains...

My FH and I were like that when we first bought our house and sometimes we are so busy we have not time for ourselves we don't get much 'cuddly' time also which is very frustrating...When you are recovered I think you and FH need to turn cell phones off - regular phones and schedule a WELL DESERVED Date night...just for you and him and reconnect...have some major 'cuddle' time...

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We do date night every friday night religiously. It is amazing how this helps our relationship stay strong.