Help Needed

I don't know what to do anymore.. I feel like venting and that's why i'm writing this all out.

My WHOLE life - my mother has made me feel like i'm not pretty enough, that i'm way too fat (not to mention she's a size 34), etc.

Now that i'm getting married, i feel like i am going to hate every single moment of the wedding. I do not like it when people look at me, I HATE IT and even have to tell my FH to stop it. He tells me he looks at me because he sees me as beautiful but I can't imagine how that's possible.

One of my boyfriends in Jr. High once told me point blank, if you think i'm going out with you because you're beautiful - you are mistaken, you so aren't, but your personality is awesome.. Yes - I broke up with him - but since that point - i have always really & truly felt like an ugly duckling.

My major breakdown was last night - I put on my dress so that I could have pics of myself in the dress & FH took them (he helped pick out the dress, so no biggie)...i freaked - i look HUGE (the dress is much too big, but still). I look like a mess and just so horrible and ugly and i don't know what to do. I literally burst into tears and that was that.

Tonight - I tried to do it again - feeling happy and yadda yadda, i put the dress back on and the same thing happened. He took the pics and I burst into tears, seeing how horrible I looked. I sent my only bridesmaid that knows how i feel the pics and she said she's never in her life seen someone look so miserable...

I really don't know what to do - i feel ROTTEN every day - i avoid mirrors like you have NO idea. My FH & I have been together 5 years now and the pics that i'm in of our relationship are less than 30 - because i always hate the way i look, so i take all the pics instead of being in them.

My BM suggested therapy and i'm going to call my doc - but has anyone else ever felt this way? I can't possibly be the only one am I????

Sorry this is so long - but i've spent the last two days crying and I don't know what to do...

::::::::hugs::::::::

I just took a look at your pics...CHEER UP!!! You are beautiful!

Just looking at your pics I can tell that your not too happy with your looks.

Here's what I suggest. Take some 'ME' time!!

Go out to buy some clothes...try on things that you look at and say 'that isn't me!!'...you might be surprised how good you look in some of it!

Then it's time for some spoiling...go to a MAC counter and have them do you over...you'll feel like a million bucks after you leave!

Go get your hair styled in a way you always wanted to but didn't have the balls to do...nothing crazy..just something a 'little' over the top!

Once you see yourself in a new light, I guarentee you will feel better about yourself..and you'll feel proud of yourself that you took that much time to make yourself feel and look better.

I know it soundes a little superficial, and sounds like it'll take energy to do..but its so worth it..and your worth it!!

Go for it chickie!

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Posted by BoxOfRocks

I am very sorry you are going through this. I agree with your BM that going to therapy would help you. You may also want to try the EAP at work if it's offered. GL.

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What's EAP?

Employee Assistance Program. Essentially, it provides referrals to therapists and may partially cover a number of sessions. Different companies have different names for them (Life Assist, EAP, etc.) and if offered, the suite of services varies in comprehensiveness. Larger companies will more frequently have the resources to administer this type of program. Check with benefits information your company provides.

Given some of the feelings you have described in your initial post, perhaps you should be screened for depression. Again, best of luck.

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Posted by BoxOfRocks

Employee Assistance Program. Essentially, it provides referrals to therapists and may partially cover a number of sessions. Different companies have different names for them (Life Assist, EAP, etc.) and if offered, the suite of services varies in comprehensiveness. Larger companies will more frequently have the resources to administer this type of program. Check with benefits information your company provides.

Given some of the feelings you have described in your initial post, perhaps you should be screened for depression. Again, best of luck.

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I know we have that - yes... I work for a rather HUGE company... I'm going to call the doc on Monday and see if he can refer me to someone..

Great! You're on the way to making the first step. FYI, sometimes EAP contacts are available 24/7. If you happen to have the info on you, why not call now?

I hope this leads to many positive changes for you.

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Posted by BoxOfRocks

Great! You're on the way to making the first step. FYI, sometimes EAP contacts are available 24/7. If you happen to have the info on you, why not call now?

I hope this leads to many positive changes for you.

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I will call tomorrow....when i'm back at home (at my parents house right now). When I get home this evening - I can look the info up on my work laptop..

Remember you CANT pick your fam which is the worst thing...

You will look beautiful and it will be YOUR day to shine......



Enjoy your life and if that means NOT including your mom then so be it....

I am sorry sugar!!

We all tend to be hard on ourselves for how we look. You are beautiful, and the man you love....LOVES YOU!!!! You have time before your wedding and you can do alot to gain more confidence. I agree with a new hair style and make up.....You have time to make some changes to anything else...

Hang in there......

I just took a look at your pics and you look vibrant and beautiful especially the ones with your FH. You can see the love in both your eyes. This man loves you, he tells you youre beautiful. Thats all that matters. Unfortunately, our parents may think theyre helping but they can be very hurtful. I cant count how many times my mom has looked at me and said, 'Youre gaining weight, your butt is huge' Ive learned to tune her out and be happy with my body. Especially since FH likes it, thats all that matters to me.

Also, sometimes I put on my dress and get depressed! Its nerve wracking but most of the time I'm not made up and my hair is a mess. Once you have the whole package done, youre gonna feel beautiful and like a princess. Although you should feel like that all the time since your are! I hope these posts cheer you up a little bit. We're all here for you.

Wow, I am so sorry you are going through this. I am so sorry that your mother treated you like that growing up. It seems like you have had a lot of people not treating you the way you deserve to be treated!
I am so happy for you though because it sounds like you have finally found someone who loves you to death and finds you beautiful inside and out. Your mother should only be so proud!
You will be a beautiful bride. I am with you though. I had to take a second right before the ceremony started at my wedding because I almost threw up. I didn't want all of those people looking at me.
But besides that. You have little to worry about. If you don't feel totally beautiful in your dress pin point why. You do what you need to do to make this time special.
Your wedding day is your day to shine. I looked at the pictures of you and FH. You two are so happy together. You are going to start your a new family together and the best part, you get to learn from your parents mistakes.
Good Luck! and lots of

oh wow... your post really touched me, and I'm sure a lot of other people on these boards - from my heart i can relate... And your FH is right, you ARE a beautiful woman, I saw the pics!!! First thing I see- you have the most beautiful skin I have ever seen. When they say 'flawless complexion' its YOUR SKIN they're talking about. What a beautiful canvas, and so many of us collectively spend billions$ to get that!!

#2 practical thing, I hope you're trying on your dress with the right undie-stuff? It sounds silly but there is NOTHING that will affect the look of your dress more!!! The foundation is critical -in my dress with everyday lingerie, WOW I didn't feel all that special! With the right bra etc. the difference is HUGE. (*TIP: no guessing, go to a REAL lingerie store,get measured, and try everything on. They do this EVERY DAY, we do not, let them help you!!!) I know this is a busy time, much to be done, but little investments - time to ourselves, a new hairdo, GREAT underwear, lol, all pay off tenfold.

The EAP idea is GREAT, take full advantage of that benefit. Just imagine the day when you can love YOURSELF as much as you love FH :) God knows the world would be a better place if we could all learn that life skill a little sooner!!! PLEASE keep taking pictures, don't ever stop, you and FH are a BEAUTIFUL couple.

Lastly, thank you for one of the most authentic posts I've ever read - here or anywhere. So hugs and a prayer for you today. (And a biga$$ apology for the length of this post)!

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Posted by Colette

oh wow... your post really touched me, and I'm sure a lot of other people on these boards - from my heart i can relate... And your FH is right, you ARE a beautiful woman, I saw the pics!!! First thing I see- you have the most beautiful skin I have ever seen. When they say 'flawless complexion' its YOUR SKIN they're talking about. What a beautiful canvas, and so many of us collectively spend billions$ to get that!!

#2 practical thing, I hope you're trying on your dress with the right undie-stuff? It sounds silly but there is NOTHING that will affect the look of your dress more!!! The foundation is critical -in my dress with everyday lingerie, WOW I didn't feel all that special! With the right bra etc. the difference is HUGE. (*TIP: no guessing, go to a REAL lingerie store,get measured, and try everything on. They do this EVERY DAY, we do not, let them help you!!!) I know this is a busy time, much to be done, but little investments - time to ourselves, a new hairdo, GREAT underwear, lol, all pay off tenfold.

The EAP idea is GREAT, take full advantage of that benefit. Just imagine the day when you can love YOURSELF as much as you love FH :) God knows the world would be a better place if we could all learn that life skill a little sooner!!! PLEASE keep taking pictures, don't ever stop, you and FH are a BEAUTIFUL couple.

Lastly, thank you for one of the most authentic posts I've ever read - here or anywhere. So hugs and a prayer for you today. (And a biga$$ apology for the length of this post)!

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I wish that were my skin. I'm a photographer and i have something called Photoshop Digital Elements and they have what's called a noise remover - that smooths everything out. The pictures in my albums have been worked on for HOURS to make me look a way that I like...

Thank you all for your posts & your beautiful words and encouragement.. I found a few therapists and i'm going to call 2 of them tomorrow and see when I can get in.

Truly thank you.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! If you are feeling like this maybe it would help to talk to someone so you can work out why you feel so bad. There is nothing wrong with getting some help...sometimes we all need some help!! I think you should tell your mom how she makes you feel and how much it hurts....maybe she doesn't realize what it is she is doing to you.

i think you and your Fh look so happy together and you need to do what ever it is to make yourself feel better!

you have FM