Brides Helping Brides ™ - Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

latinanyc Posted: Mar 03, 2010 11:34 PM

Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

My fiance and I along with my parents are paying for the wedding expenses three ways. But when it comes to the honeymoon I always thought the future husband should take care of those expenses. At least that is what I thought was the traditional way. But since we are sharing the cost of the wedding expenses, my fiance assumed I'd be sharing the cost of the honeymoon as well.

On other trips we have taken together I've shared the cost but I feel it really should be his treat for the honeymoon. I also think of it more romantic that way. What do most couples do about their honeymoon expenses?

We have a big European trip planned. It was primarily his idea to go to London, then take the chunnel to Paris. Neither of us have ever been to London. We have both been to Paris before and have wanted to go back. I wanted to go to Spain. So, after Paris we are headed to Barcelona, Madrid and Costa del Sol. The whole trip will be for a period 2 weeks. It's about an $8000 honeymoon not including lunches and dinners as well as any other expenses we may encounter.

I'd like your opinions. I don't know how to stress that he should gift me the honeymoon without making it seem awkward. Am I being selfish or can anyone understand where I'm coming from?

ooxrosaliexoo Posted: Mar 03, 2010 11:54 PM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

Hmm.. I dont know because FH and I are paying for everything together, mostly him but still I am putting in all I can. But I can suggest that if you cannot come up with an idea maybe you guys should split it and then when the money comes from your gifts after the wedding recompinsate yourselves? I don't know if thats a good idea or not! lol

Gerbera Posted: Mar 04, 2010 07:52 AM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

Well...I guess I'm assuming from your post that you guys have completely separate finances?
Honestly, I'm not much for tradition so I don't really know what 'tradition' would say. But personally I don't see why it would be more 'romantic' if he pays rather than you both paying?
I mean, it's an expensive trip so unless (assuming you have separate finances) he has a MUCH better paying job than you and it would put a hardship on you to split it I don't see why he should pay for all of it.

BTW. We're doing a big European adventure as well! 18 days, 12 cities/towns, 5 countries. We did a rough budget the other night and for airfare, transportation and lodging I'm coming in around 6-7K. But we're doing more of a hardcore backpacking scenario, lots of night trains, hostels, studio rental, B&Bs. Let me know if you want to compare notes!

GL!

mybabylovesmoi Posted: Mar 04, 2010 09:49 AM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

I think $8000 is a bit much of a burden to lay soley on your FH unless he makes ALOT more money than you. Traditionally, the bride's parents took on all the costs of the wedding but it's not that way anymore either so since you've broken tradition in that sense already, I think it was natural for your future hubby to assume the costs of the honeymoon were included in the total. Especially if, like you said, you've always split vacation costs before.

That being said, if it bothers you alot, talk to him about it. Maybe suggest he pay a larger percentage or he can treat you to paris and spain so while you're there you can feel he took care of it all. Either way, I think your honeymoon will be very romantic - you're exploring Europe together as newlyweds!

I took mercy on my FH since remember, the guys do shell out big bucks for the engagement ring...So we're basically splitting the wedding costs down the middle with some help from our parents.

FutureJOC Posted: Mar 04, 2010 09:55 AM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

FH and I are paying for the wedding all by ourselves so we are paying for our honeymoon as well, together. We also live together so what's mine his and what's his is mine. It's all going to be coming out of our wedding savings anyway.

AwaitingAugust Posted: Mar 04, 2010 09:58 AM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

FH and I are splitting the cost of the HM. I actually never heard the tradition that the guy should pay for it ...

TheFutureMrs2011 Posted: Mar 04, 2010 10:09 AM

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Lady12 Posted: Mar 04, 2010 10:09 AM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

Posted by mybabylovesmoi

I think $8000 is a bit much of a burden to lay soley on your FH unless he makes ALOT more money than you. Traditionally, the bride's parents took on all the costs of the wedding but it's not that way anymore either so since you've broken tradition in that sense already, I think it was natural for your future hubby to assume the costs of the honeymoon were included in the total. Especially if, like you said, you've always split vacation costs before.

That being said, if it bothers you alot, talk to him about it. Maybe suggest he pay a larger percentage or he can treat you to paris and spain so while you're there you can feel he took care of it all. Either way, I think your honeymoon will be very romantic - you're exploring Europe together as newlyweds!

I took mercy on my FH since remember, the guys do shell out big bucks for the engagement ring...So we're basically splitting the wedding costs down the middle with some help from our parents.

I completely agree with you, If you are not following one tradition, you cannot assume that he would know to follow another one. I have heard of the groom planning and paying for the honeymoon, but I kind of wanted to do this one together, so it feels like our honeymoon. we also have one wedding account and we are paying for everything ourselves. I think that $8000 is a lot of money and maybe he doesnt have the funds to do it by himself. Unless you guys agree that he would ony pay for the honeymoon or contribute less to the rest of the wedding, then I think is kinda of unfair to put it all on him, JMO.

mariedsgn Posted: Mar 04, 2010 10:11 AM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

we are both paying for it!

FutureMrsLMS Posted: Mar 04, 2010 10:14 AM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

I am paying for the wedding and FH is covering all the costs of the HM and wedding rings. He makes slightly more than me (by about 5-10K).

Scarpak Posted: Mar 04, 2010 02:08 PM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

we are both paying for it, and if you are splitting all of the wedding costs, and always split your vacations, i can see why he would think you were splitting your honeymoon as well. I think it is a bit unreasonable to expect him to pay for your 8000 honeymoon alone. I also think the tradition is that the grooms family pays for the honeymoon, as the brides family traditionally pays for the wedding. You cant really pick and choose what traditions you want to follow, and expect other people to just kknow whats going on in your head. You have to talk about it. But understand that it may come down to cutting out countries, and shortening your HM if you make him pay for all of it

jwleewedding Posted: Mar 04, 2010 02:14 PM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

I agree that it may seem more 'romantic', but ideally, a $8000+ HM is a lot to just put on 1 person. You guys are about to be married, so sharing expenses sort of comes with the package. This will be your first 'vacation' together as a 'married couple' which will essentially pave the road for the rest of your marriage, so I wouldn't worry about something like this. He can always buy you something shiny and nice as a side gift, instead of paying for the entire HM himself.

angelscri Posted: Mar 04, 2010 09:03 PM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

We are paying for our HM together.

cMm2011 Posted: Mar 04, 2010 09:22 PM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

we will be paying for it together...as someone previously said whats mine is his and whats his is mine...

cavvento Posted: Mar 04, 2010 09:36 PM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

we've pretty much already joined our money so the honeymoon will be coming from 'us' as a unit, not from one individual person. I don't know what your financial plans are after you're married, but if you're planning on joining accounts and sharing the finances, it seems a little strange to me to have one person 'pay' for something.

leesah85 Posted: Mar 04, 2010 11:02 PM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

We've joined all of our money together so we're paying for it all together.

ElovesJ117 Posted: Mar 04, 2010 11:55 PM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

It sounds like from your post you two have very separate finances. I would say that expecting your FH to pay for the entire honeymoon is extreme especially since it is so expensive. Why do you feel that he should 'gift' you the trip? From my own situation, my FH makes more money than I do so he is able to save more which means he is also contributing more for our wedding/honeymoon. But I would not expect him to pay for such a large trip by himself while I don't contribute a dime.

JLWSJC Posted: Mar 05, 2010 12:18 AM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

Posted by mybabylovesmoi

I think $8000 is a bit much of a burden to lay soley on your FH unless he makes ALOT more money than you. Traditionally, the bride's parents took on all the costs of the wedding but it's not that way anymore either so since you've broken tradition in that sense already, I think it was natural for your future hubby to assume the costs of the honeymoon were included in the total. Especially if, like you said, you've always split vacation costs before.

That being said, if it bothers you alot, talk to him about it. Maybe suggest he pay a larger percentage or he can treat you to paris and spain so while you're there you can feel he took care of it all. Either way, I think your honeymoon will be very romantic - you're exploring Europe together as newlyweds!

I took mercy on my FH since remember, the guys do shell out big bucks for the engagement ring...So we're basically splitting the wedding costs down the middle with some help from our parents.

ITA, all of it. Well said.

Taunita Posted: Mar 05, 2010 12:37 AM

Re: Help! Should future husband pay for the honeymoon?

Hey! My fiancée and me are splitting it three ways with my parents as well. Tradition is so modernized now and days because everyone’s situation is different and a majority of weddings are considered 'an affair to remember' as opposed to justice of the peace - small party and that’s it (not that there’s anything wrong with that). “Traditionally” a bride’s parents are supposed to pay for the wedding and the groom’s parent’s pay for the honeymoon – obviously that’s not the case. In my case his parents are giving us the honeymoon as the wedding gift and my parents are helping us with wedding costs since were both contributing as well. Perhaps you can suggest splitting the honeymoon three ways with his parents - especially since you're splitting costs with your parents; I think that’s more than fair. After all he is their son and that would be a great wedding gift (suggestion) and way to get them involved with the process. It is also a tradition that the bride and groom exchange gifts so perhaps you should set aside some time to broach this subject were you can effectively communicate your thoughts and perhaps suggest he cover a larger 'share' of the honeymoon as his wedding gift to you. You would still be contributing but keep in mind this is the start of you’re married life and your first trip as husband and wife which you happen to be planning together - moving forward you will have a household not a roommate if that makes any sense. Remember… (I’m assuming) he got you that gorgeous engagement ring so be easy on him ;) If you’re splitting the wedding costs three ways with your parents its pretty safe to consider the same effect from his side of the family (assuming they are in good health and able to financially) after-all $8,000 is a sizable amount to expect from FH and will probably dent his pocket for things to come like the possibility of a house or the expansion of furnishings for your new life together. I wouldn’t say you’re being selfish – more so idealistic i.e. romantic but it’s a bit more realistic to split costs since you’re approach is already a bit different then the aforementioned “tradition”. But if none of these suggestions meet your fancy you could always use your wedding gifts towards the honeymoon. If its more of a budgetary concern you could always scale back the trip; I’m sure London and Paris would be just as amazing and perhaps you can plan your first year anniversary in Spain – even more to look forward too!! I hope this helps =) Best of luck!