Help! Shower Etiquette Question!

here is a quote from an etiquette site

'There’s been an uncomfortable trend in recent years for large showers, where nearly everyone the bride knows gets an invite. This isn’t quite what the bridal shower is supposed to be, though. At least by tradition, a bridal shower’s meant to be a small, intimate gathering of the bride’s closest friends and family. Proper etiquette dictates a group of no more than ten to twenty guests

Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride’s closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn’t include every woman invited to the wedding'

although they should remember some families are larger and just my fh's side for example was 30 family members lol

here is a quote from another site

Who is invited?
Family and friends who are close to the bride. Bridal shower etiquette states that anyone invited, should also be on the wedding guest list.

you should definitely never invite someone to the shower who isn't invited to the wedding.

as for the travelling, im in brooklyn and Ive gone to showers on the island and in NJ. so, if you are really worried about travelling who not do a more central locale, NYC/Bklyn/Queens.

If you B list people - you still only invite A listers to the shower.

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Posted by BklynBride2Be

you should definitely never invite someone to the shower who isn't invited to the wedding.

as for the travelling, im in brooklyn and Ive gone to showers on the island and in NJ. so, if you are really worried about travelling who not do a more central locale, NYC/Bklyn/Queens.

If you B list people - you still only invite A listers to the shower.

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its true, i wouldnt worry. I traveled far for a shower and didnt have a problem with it. Also Fmil's sister and her sons wives all live upstate and they all came to the shower. Fh's dads sister and a few of their daughters live in PA and they came

Thanks for all your input. I guess I didn't really think hard enough about it, like on one-hand i truly thought I was doing people a favor, saving them the expense of 2 gifts and killing a Saturday on LI. It was only like 3 people in question. I honestly thought I was doing them a favor, I will consider not inviting them at all or just inviting them to both depending on my lists.

Again, thank you all for your comments and thoughts - this is why I love this site. Everyone shares their opinions - even if it seems like 10 girls ganging up on me. Ha ha! I told FH I got yelled at on the boards again and he laughed and said 'Oh no, they're gonna kick you off!' Then he agreed w/all of you and said 'OF COURSE YOU CAN NOT INVITE SOMEONE TO A SHOWER AND NOT A WEDDING' Ha ha! He then admitted he has no idea what people do.

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Posted by AllyDrew1108

Thanks for all your input. I guess I didn't really think hard enough about it, like on one-hand i truly thought I was doing people a favor, saving them the expense of 2 gifts and killing a Saturday on LI. It was only like 3 people in question. I honestly thought I was doing them a favor, I will consider not inviting them at all or just inviting them to both depending on my lists.

Again, thank you all for your comments and thoughts - this is why I love this site. Everyone shares their opinions - even if it seems like 10 girls ganging up on me. Ha ha! I tol FH I got yelled at on the boards again and he laughed and said 'Oh no, they're gonna kick you off!' Ha ha!

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awww nobody is yelling at you. I mean listen in the end its your decision but you asked what the right thing to do is so we gave our opinions. Ive asked things where everybody mostly disagreed and its fine. Well if you have 2 showers people dont have to attend 2 just the one nearest them. If its only 3 people in question then invite themto just 1 of the showers, whichever is most convenient for them, they dont have to be invited to both and wont expect it

UGH! I only WISH WISH WISH I could have two showers. Nobody would throw me two. I think if it was like a 4 hr ride or something they would, but it's a mere 90 mins or something tops.

And I know you're totally right, I know you guys aren't really yelling - you know what I mean. I guess it's like you secretly want everyone to be like 'YOU ARE RIGHT. THE END.' But I needed your input!

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by AllyDrew1108

Thanks for all your input. I guess I didn't really think hard enough about it, like on one-hand i truly thought I was doing people a favor, saving them the expense of 2 gifts and killing a Saturday on LI. It was only like 3 people in question. I honestly thought I was doing them a favor, I will consider not inviting them at all or just inviting them to both depending on my lists.

Again, thank you all for your comments and thoughts - this is why I love this site. Everyone shares their opinions - even if it seems like 10 girls ganging up on me. Ha ha! I tol FH I got yelled at on the boards again and he laughed and said 'Oh no, they're gonna kick you off!' Ha ha!

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awww nobody is yelling at you. I mean listen in the end its your decision but you asked what the right thing to do is so we gave our opinions. Ive asked things where everybody mostly disagreed and its fine. Well if you have 2 showers people dont have to attend 2 just the one nearest them. If its only 3 people in question then invite themto just 1 of the showers, whichever is most convenient for them, they dont have to be invited to both and wont expect it

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Posted by AllyDrew1108

UGH! I only WISH WISH WISH I could have two showers. Nobody would throw me two. I think if it was like a 4 hr ride or something they would, but it's a mere 90 mins or something tops.

And I know you're totally right, I know you guys aren't really yelling - you know what I mean. I guess it's like you secretly want everyone to be like 'YOU ARE RIGHT. THE END.' But I needed your input!

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by AllyDrew1108

Thanks for all your input. I guess I didn't really think hard enough about it, like on one-hand i truly thought I was doing people a favor, saving them the expense of 2 gifts and killing a Saturday on LI. It was only like 3 people in question. I honestly thought I was doing them a favor, I will consider not inviting them at all or just inviting them to both depending on my lists.

Again, thank you all for your comments and thoughts - this is why I love this site. Everyone shares their opinions - even if it seems like 10 girls ganging up on me. Ha ha! I tol FH I got yelled at on the boards again and he laughed and said 'Oh no, they're gonna kick you off!' Ha ha!

---

awww nobody is yelling at you. I mean listen in the end its your decision but you asked what the right thing to do is so we gave our opinions. Ive asked things where everybody mostly disagreed and its fine. Well if you have 2 showers people dont have to attend 2 just the one nearest them. If its only 3 people in question then invite themto just 1 of the showers, whichever is most convenient for them, they dont have to be invited to both and wont expect it

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oh i thought you said you were doing 2. Just invite them and if they cant make it then let them know you understand thats all. If i invited somebody who lived far and well i did and if they told me they couldn't make it then i would've completely understood. Just send the invite and let them make the decision, dont drive yourself nuts. I am sure they'll appreciate the courtesy invite.

HAHAHAH yeah i think alot of ppl on here expect ppl to just agree and then when ppl dont its like wait why isnt everyone agreeing with me hahaha. Unfortunately on LIW if you want honest opinions thats exactly what youre going to get, i personally like it but i guess can be frustrating if you wanted to be right