Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

tootsie Posted: Aug 22, 2003 01:46 PM

Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

Hello. I received a response that said 2 attending (cause I invited just the parents and not their 3 year old daughter) the parents are my second counsin. They put on the bottom of the card 'please have an extra chair for so so'! Now I have to be the one to make the annoying phone call. If it was just this one child, fine, but it's not. We are not inviting 5 of my FI little cousins and we are having an adult reception with the exception of my niece who is the flowergirl. We have over 200 guests already. What is the nicest way to put it? I know she will say we don't have anyone to watch the child and especially that she may spend the night at my dad's anyway just so they don't have to do the far drive home. Am I being unfair? If I give in, it's not right to my other cousins who have little ones nor is it right to my FI family and I am not having all these people bring their kids! Advice? Thanks!

Lee31200 Posted: Aug 22, 2003 01:51 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

I personally have never had that problem being that my invites haven't even gone out yet. But my friends have had this problem. I think that you have every right not to give in and allow the child to come because then you are going to have problems with the other people who were not allowed to bring their kids. I am begining to find that weddings are expensive and you have to draw the line somewhere. Hopefully if you explain that to your relatives they will understand. Good Luck with that!

Boop2704 Posted: Aug 22, 2003 01:55 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

That stinks!! Maybe, since they are possibly staying at you dads house, you could call and tell them no children and tell them to bring their child but you or someonhe else will find a babysitter for them. The babysitter could hang out with the kid at your dads house. Just a suggestion!! Good Luck!!

butterfly20 Posted: Aug 22, 2003 01:57 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

definately dont give in, either they can find a babysitter, (like the kids grandparents?) or decline to come

tootsie Posted: Aug 22, 2003 01:58 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

I thought of that. I will see what she says first because I want to see if she knows someone who can babysit or she just 'wants to bring the kid along', you know how some parents are like that. I will suggest it just so I am helping but I cannot give in to the child coming. If she does not know someone, I will do my best to find someone to stay at my dad's but if she is one of those people who does not trust others to watch their child, then there is nothing I can do. I don't mean to be selfish but it's fair.

wenndypoo Posted: Aug 22, 2003 03:35 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

Sounds like a fair compromise. At least you are trying to help.
FI's cousin is getting married, and FSIL is causing grief to try to bring her 2 yo! She is insisting she doesn't have a sitter (hello, you've known about this for a year!). I'm trying to explain to her the grief she is causing the bride by being such a witch about bringing her kid, but she doesn't get it.

People have nerve, don't they? Stick to your guns, if it's such a hardship, then they will decline.

Good luck!

tootsie Posted: Aug 22, 2003 04:24 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

I know, I am going to try but if I can't, oh well. People are just rude or have no clue. I think some people get crazy when they have kids. Who are you to say your kids can come, it's not up to you. I invited YOU! Ugh. It's really annoying. When I become a parent, I cannot imagine doing that. If it does not state 'and family' or the child's name I would know that they are not invited. I don't get it!

jenny2penny Posted: Aug 22, 2003 04:27 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

I would not give in either. You specifically invited the 2 of them. Maybe you can have your mom call? And tell them we are sorry, but we decided to keep the reception adults only.

tootsie Posted: Aug 22, 2003 04:30 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

I think I will call only cause I think this is a learning experience for me. I am not good at being assertive and this is a situation where I have to be. It's just that this side of the family is really the only family my dad has and I don't want to cause a stir but even my dad agrees and said it will cause a problem with other people and it's just not right. I hope they understand but if they don't, I tried.

Boop2704 Posted: Aug 22, 2003 04:39 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

Tell your dad to call!! (easy way out)

tootsie Posted: Aug 22, 2003 04:41 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

I know but I need to be the adult. that would be an easy way out though.

Xelindrya Posted: Aug 22, 2003 08:35 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

I think it's totally reasonable to tell this couple that you can not accomendate children. I'd even explain the fact that you are having to say the same to others and that you can not make an exemption to the rule as it would offend others.

tootsie Posted: Aug 22, 2003 11:19 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

Hi Girls. Thanks for the help. I did it. I just told her and she didn't sound thrilled but what can ya do? I know I did the right thing. She has to talk to her hubby about who can watch the child. They don't really have anyone and I said I would help find someone and she said she is picky which I understand because you don't know the person but I was considering my friend's mom who I have knows for years but I think she is just only comfortable with leaving this child with her immediate family which will be at the wedding...I hope they will anyway. So she will get back to me. I said I hope you can make it and I will try to help in anyway I can but I can't say yes to you as it would offend the others. She said it's my wedding. EXACTLY!!!!

HearzBellz Posted: Aug 22, 2003 11:23 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

if you do no t want kids.... tell them NO KIDS!

ok, so maybe a bit nicer than me, but I am very strict with this. A wedding may not be an affair for children, and if that is your wish then they need to respect that.

Unfortunately, yes, you may need to make the annoying phone call. Or have a BM do it, that's what they are there for, to do stuff the Bride doesn't want to.

BTW, who watches their child when they go out? Are they not available that day?

ETA:
OK, I really need to start reading all the posts before I put my 2 cents in. tootsie - you did the right thing, good for you!

tootsie Posted: Aug 22, 2003 11:29 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

thanks for your reply. to be honest. i don't think they go anywhere without their child. to me, that is not healthy but i won't make this my problem. it's my wedding I really want my cousin there but I can't accomodate her child. i love the child too but what's fair is fair.

HearzBellz Posted: Aug 22, 2003 11:30 PM

Re: Help - Someone wants to 'add' their child to my wedding

you're right. and in all reality the invitiation was made out to them, not to them & their child.

It is not really the easiest of situations, but ettiquette is on your side here.