Alright ladies...I've never asked for help like this before but I really do not know how to deal with this. I avoid confrontation at all costs but I do not know how to get around this. Situation: I have two brothers. One of them was married about 10 years ago and her family is like a second family to me...we barbecue, go on trips, share birthdays etc. together. My other brother was recently married in October and I am not very close with his new wife or her family..we are very different people and we are civil with each other but she's just not my favorite person. Anyway.. my brother who has been married 10 years was invited with his entire in-law clan....they are not just his family but also really good friends to myself and my FI. Out of courtesy I invited my new sister-in-laws mother but no one else in her family. She called my mother today saying that she got her shower invite..and her mom got her shower invite....but her sister did not get hers. (She was not invited!!!) First of all, don't you think that is a lot of nerve to assume someone is invited?? Or am I wrong for not inviting them?? My mom says they are family now...but I never see them nor do I consider them my family. I know this is going to get ugly...what do I do????
jenheartsrob
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
ooh, that's a toughie and a touchy subject.
I don't think you need to be obligated to invite them... if it's going to cause MAJOR drama and you can afford the extra people, then I'd do it to keep the peace... otherwise, explain that your budget is limited and you can only invite those whom you are really close to and you wanted to respect SIL by inviting her mother, but can't invite the whole family, though you are sure that in time you will all be as close as family, or something like that....
i'm not sure though...
anne1rules
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
Unfortunately...I finished my wedding invites yesterday...with none to spare..so there is no way they will be getting one. My FI told me I better not cave (because that is so like me). I really don't think she knows that I invited my other sister-in-laws family so she is just assuming that her family should be invited. My FI made a good point before and said that his sister and brother and mother were not invited to the wedding in October so why do we have to invite hers? I think it might be different now that we will be married. UUUUGGGHHH!
anglbyme
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
Hmmmm.....I think it rude for anyone to call and ask questions like that. I would never do that if it was me! I understand that you feel obligated now but it is hard to say what you should do. I would talk it over with FH and see what your budget allows and if they aren't included they'll have to get over it. Good Luck, Let us know what you decide.
clarity
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
I don't think she should have assumed that her sister is invited, and i dont think you should cave and invite them. If you're not close, adn you can't afford it, then dont. INviting the mom is necessary, I think out of courtesy you should always invite a sis-in-law's mom & dad, but their siblings? not necessary.
chander618
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
Thanks for asking this question I was wondering if I should invite my bil family we see each other all the time and are very involved, but unlike you i thought it would be weird to invite them at all.
transamgirlie
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
It's you and your FH's wedding day. You should have only who the 2 of you are close to. If you aren't close to your other FSIL or her family then you are under no obligation to invite them. I agree w/ your FH, don't budge on it and don't feel bad about it either.
sarahradio5
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
Posted by clarity
INviting the mom is necessary, I think out of courtesy you should always invite a sis-in-law's mom & dad, but their siblings? not necessary.
Reallly? I wasn't going to invite my SIL's parents or brothers. Is it customary to do so? We didn't invite them to our engagement party. We really only see them on my nephew's b-day every year.
I was shocked that you even invited the mom... much less that she expected her daughter to be invited. hmmmmm.... I guess just say it was lost in the mail and you're out of invites, and let her come if she wants. What's one more person? Maybe your SIL's mom just wants company and doesn't want to leave the one daughter out of something she and the other daughter will be at.
sr081906
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
Honestly, why would you invite the SIL's aunt? You already extended the invitation to her mother. Why not inviting her cousins and friends at that rate? You don't know that family.
You are actually friends with your other brother's in-laws family.
You don't owe SIL any explanation. Even less to her mother who is nothing to you!!!
kara10152006
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
Posted by sr081906 ...You are actually friends with your other brother's in-laws family. You don't owe SIL any explanation. Even less to her mother who is nothing to you!!!
I agree, you do not owe any of her family an explanation. Stick to your guns and you'll get through this like a champ! Just make sure if you're inviting her mom to the shower you're also inviting her to the wedding. Good Luck!!!
pavum
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
DEF. do not invite the sister. If you already finished invites and she's not invited to the wedding - it would be wrong to invite her to the shower
your wedding day is about the people that you're close to -- you shouldn't have to invite people that you are neither close to - or want to attend
lots of luck! let us know how everything tunrs out!!!
anne1rules
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
Thanks so much everyone...I figured that I will politely tell her that I wish that I could have invited her family ( ) but since we are paying for the wedding ourselves we had to draw the line somewhere.
JennJay
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Re: HELP!!! Tell me what to do!!
i would say if you are inviting the other inlaws, it is only right to invite your new ones. Anyway, it isn't like your new sil has 10 sisters. Its only 1... invite her, maybe you will become frineds in the future.
