I don't understand..fh is acting, very confused lately. It is 28 days away to the wedding, and he don't think, he can do it. His excuse is: he is not ready yet, he have not lived his life. He is 29 years old. He said, that he regrets..not doing many things..because of his illness. He has reactive hypoglycemia-(sugar blood problem)............and he takes paxil.
I don't know what to do, 20K has already been droped, for this and not to mention all of the preparation, we have made, him contributing his money my family getting things going, invitations are already out. Responses/replys received. I don't know, if I should call everything off, or risk the chance of him not showing up at the alter
I am so scared.
FLaCaTaCa
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, I have no advice or tips but I will hope for you that it all works out. One way or the other.
Nikki10-12-03
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just want to say I am so sorry... I can not even imagain what you are going through I also hope everything works out for the best
snowprincess805
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i try toget him ot see a counselor - and yougo with him some of the time - you need to show him that his life is not over - you are still an individual and can still do things when you get married
I am a bit of guy when it comes to relationships and freaked out too before i got engaged because i thought i was not ready - so i know where he came from - actually four months of my engagement i was in australia and NZ because i had to explore more before i got married. But what i learned was that i wanted to be with my Fi and that i can push him to do some of my adventure sports and that i can still take a weekend to go skiing with my friends - we do not have to be together 24/7 it is ok to be married and an indivdual at the same time
I hope this helps- i know i am seeing it from the other side - it is salso hard because you do not have much time - i definetly recomend talking to someone for both of you
vhollo01
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe I'm harsh, but I would say its time for a bit of tough love - tell him that he should have thought of that before he got engaged - Perhaps he is just feeling overwhelmed., and doesn't know how to react. I think sometimes people think once they are married - they cant do anything anymore. Remind him that you are the person he is choosing to spend his life with, and you should be the one he wants with him when he does all that stuff he never got to do. This happend to a friend of mine - the guy literally left her at the alter.... PS... 4 years, 2 kids and thousands of her parents dollars later, they are still together ... It will work out, dont worry.
BCTM33
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds like a case of cold feet to me. I would get him to a therapist that could help him work through it.
LadyPrincess
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by vhollo01
Maybe I'm harsh, but I would say its time for a bit of tough love - tell him that he should have thought of that before he got engaged - Perhaps he is just feeling overwhelmed., and doesn't know how to react. I think sometimes people think once they are married - they cant do anything anymore. Remind him that you are the person he is choosing to spend his life with, and you should be the one he wants with him when he does all that stuff he never got to do. This happend to a friend of mine - the guy literally left her at the alter.... PS... 4 years, 2 kids and thousands of her parents dollars later, they are still together ... It will work out, dont worry.
Agree - he has a case of nerves
divabride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by BCTM33
Sounds like a case of cold feet to me. I would get him to a therapist that could help him work through it.
I totally agree with BCTM33 on this one!!
palebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm sure he's nervous - he should be nervous...this is a huge life changing event.....doesnt' mean that it's a bad thing...but it's something that should be an emotional experience for you both! i say talk to him...ask him if there is anything you can do to make him feel better....try to see why he is so scared.....let him know that you are there for him...and will always be there for him. good luck!!!
MCDO15
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IMO - don't worry about the money...money is important but is replacable...
as for his feelings, thats what the focus needs to be drawn to. how long have you 2 been together? it sounds like a heart to heart talk is in order. don't make it like an ultimatdom (sp) but try to understand to see what he is thinking and feeling...
i had the same feelings before i met my FW about doing more and having other experiences but now i have so much more then that... you should tell him that he has more then he ever wants or could imgained..this is what he choose when he went out with you, brought you around family and finally, the ring. do you live together?
sorry you have to deal with this...
Confusedgroom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, we have been living together only 3 months. We will be going on 3 years knowing each other--on our wedding month. He tells me, that in 30 more years...our lives will be over. He wanted, to do so much with his life. I ask him, what does he want to do, he says he don't know. He was the one who changed, the wedding year/date from 2005 to 2004. He rushed it up.
When, we first met, he had a very small group of friends. They just bar hoped, not really did the club/dancing scene. Now, they are all engaged, and have moved on with their lifes. He is very antisocial. He really does not talk much to them anyway. Only 1 of them is coming to the wedding. The other one is not coming, (not sure why, I say,is because he is not a phone person-does not like to talk to anyone, he rarely calls his parents). He is the kind of guy that sticks to himself. His friends, called him the other day...and wanted to hang out, he never returned, there phone call. He is just a strange character.
Oahh..I am so embarrassed, that this all is happening....
Corduroy94
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had some helpful words of advice for you but all I can offer is a hug!
Confusedgroom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I forgot to say, one thing..I don't know if I sound tacky or stupid..
But, I told him, the grass is not always greener on the other side
ChristineC68
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry you are going through this now. Did he just spring this on you? Was there something that happened that caused him to panic? Try talking to him and find out exactly what he wants or what he thinks is going to change so much that he would rather not get married. Are the things he feels he missed out on things you can do together or support him doing?
GOod luck
Happybride2005
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think he's just nervous. Would counseling help.
9.17.04bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree with everyone who is suggesting counsling, FH and I go, and it has been really good for our relationship.
BMD'sPeanut
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um...paxil for hypoglycemia?
ChristineC68
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
Um...paxil for hypoglycemia?
no, the original post said he hypoglycemic AND takes paxil.
BMD'sPeanut
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by ChristineC68
Posted by BMD'sPeanut
Um...paxil for hypoglycemia?
no, the original post said he hypoglycemic AND takes paxil.
oh...i guess i read that to mean that he takes paxil for the hypo...
ckgmwedding
Posted:
Member since
Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm praying for you! Get the counselor quick- even if he refuses to go, it will be very helpful to you! Remember he is the one with the cold feet but you should examine the reasons why you are marrying him, too. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MONEY. do what's best for the rest of your life.
