Help with future MIL

Originally, I had planned on a kid-free wedding. Besides it getting expensive with kids, there are just so many cousins and little kids on both sides - so i/we thought it would be best to not invite anyone under 18.

Then, my aunt and uncle and 3 cousins (ages 6-7) found out they are moving to England... This throws a huge wrench into my plan b/c how can I have my aunt and uncle fly in from another country and tell them that they can't bring their kids?? That would just be terrible! So I decided that they will be the exception and actually put them in the wedding party.

My question is, how do I break the news to my future mother-in-law since she has a ton of kids on her side??? I can't have everyone's kids b/c it would be a zoo but I feel like this is a special circumstance. Any suggestions on how to bring it up and break the news??? I've tried and failed already...

PLEASE HELP~

Be honest with her, that's all you can do really, unless she's planning to take up the wedding expenses you know...
XOXOXO
Kitty

well you can just say you are having a kid-free wedding besides the children in the wedding party(i am doing the same)explain to her the financial reasons and other reasons, and thats it, she may not agree with it, but it is your wedding...

Thanks for the suggestions!!! I have to let her know soon, so I'm trying to get the balls to do it!

I agree that you should definitely make sure you and Fh are in agreement with the no-kids plan, and then have him tell his mother, with or without you present... She should understand that a parent may not feel comfortable leaving their young kids on another continent for awhile (especially if theres nobody they can trust there to babysit them)

Which leads me to say, that another option you have is to stick with the original no-kids at the reception plan, and hire a babysitter to watch the kids at the hotel (or wherever they're staying).

Good luck...

I can relate - we had the same issue and it wasn't really solved until we were going over guest lists.

As long as you and FH are on the same page, he can discuss it with her himself. If she refuses to listen, then you can state your case (this is what happened with us). You don't need to explain or apologize for your decision, just be firm about it. And do make it known that you're not trying to hurt anyone with your decision but that it's YOUR and FH'S wedding.

congratulations on your wedding!

thanks for the advice. I asked him to speak with her about it but I think he's just as scared as I am...

I'll let you all know what happens!

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Posted by mskittynj

Be honest with her, that's all you can do really, unless she's planning to take up the wedding expenses you know...
XOXOXO
Kitty

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exactly

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Posted by ntunison

congratulations on your wedding!

thanks for the advice. I asked him to speak with her about it but I think he's just as scared as I am...

I'll let you all know what happens!

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Thank you

It can be daunting telling your parents something that they don't want to hear, but it's probably not going to be the last time there will be a clash with the parents (for either side!). So it's best to set a precedent now that you two are the decision makers on all things wedding related.

By the way - if you two are covering all wedding expenses as far as reception goes, then she should really keep out of it. However, I don't believe that just because someone is assisting in paying for the wedding means that their wishes come before yours or his.

Good luck!!!

All you can do is tell them that it is a special circumstance...I had this problem...FHs family VS my families children.
So we decided on none-FMIL is not happy but thats just the way it is. Explain to her the added expense, maybe then she will understand better.

GOod Luck

I am completely footing the bill for the entire wedding so I can't afford to have 20 kids come to the reception aside from the fact that I don't want a million kids there.

We decided to have a kid free wedding too. Our reception is from 7:30 to 12:30 - kids should be sleeping. We do however have my FH's niece and nefew in the wedding party (they will be 2 and 4 yrs old) they will only participate in the church ceremony, it was acutally the parents idea, they wanted to be able to have a good time at the reception without having to worry about the kids. Maybe you can do the same with your family - tell them you would love them to participate at the ceremony, but for the reception maybe you can find them a babysitter? sell it to them like this - you want them to be able to enjoy themselfs.

Good luck though, all this family stuff can be really tricky - we actually are going through something similar. we cut out the extended family - we ran into a lot of them at a recent wedding and most of them are under the impression they are invited. I can;t afford 200 additional guests...yes, 200 additional to my already 200. My FH has a huge italian family- but we never see or actually really know the extended.

Anyway so sorry to ramble.....just don;t forget this is your and your FH's day whatever you decide - people will have to respect.