Helpful or Hurtful Bridesmaid?

I'm abit disappointed in my choice of bridesmaid. I actually chose her to be my MOH '(also my SIL) 'cus she got married recently and has offered to help me plan my wedding. So she's the first person I asked. Things has been shakey every since. She has basically questioned me about all my choices. And has guilt-tripped me along the way....

1. She calls LIW a cult when I mentioned I come here for advice
2. She has questioned my choice of makeup artist/stylist and even got my fiance and brother to let me know the makeup artist and stylist isn't the best choice. One reason may be because I'm not using the artist/stylist she used.
3. She guilt-tripped me into paying for all the bridesmaid hair/makeup and dresses saying that's the way SHE did it at her wedding.
4. She has repeated asked me why am I not included kids in the wedding, until I cave in and said fine - so now I'm stuck with having 15 kids ages 3 months to 15 years old - in what is supposed to be a small wedding of only 100 people.
5. She told one of her friends who recently married that I'm demanding, and her friend actually defended me!

That's jus abit of it... And now I haven't talked to her or ask for her opinion in weeks and she tells my brother that I'm not respecting her opinion.

Please don't quote this as I mentioned that I'm on LIWeddings.com (she calls us a CULT :P) and I think she might just come here to read my post. *sigh*

What is a girl to do about this? Anyone has experiences like this?

I think its terrible that you have to deal with this, She should just back off alittle and let YOU make the decisions for YOUR wedding day!! I understand that she has had her wedding day already but it doesnt mean that you have to do all that she says. Just remember it is YOUR wedding so for future do not let her change your mind with any of the decisions that need to be made....

Oh and about LIW being a cult she is just jealous because she probably didnt know that it was around when she got married...

GOOD LUCK though....

were you wearing your 'ceremonial robe' when you typed this?

You're right, she's probably jealous that I'm spending more time here than talking to her about my wedding plans and asking HER for advice.

Tracy, wearing my ceremonial robe and preparing my voodoo doll for the next sacrifice...

It's time to stick those pins in the BM doll.



Do as you planned. Do not change from what you want your wedding to be. In the end, who knows where she will be in your life in 5 or 10 years. Meanwhile, you will always remember your wedding.

She had her day. Go with your gut feeling and stick to what you want.

whatever you do, don't let her guilt trip you into divulging the super secret hand shake!!!

Grrrrr...you gotta love people who just want to make problems

I would go off on her if that was me...but then again, I kicked my maid of honor out of the bridal party...i am a little bold at times.

ooo----yeah...i would NOT have her as my MOH any longer. i'm sorry but she is trying to turn this into HER wedding and she already one.

i think u have plenty of time to replace her. JMHO but if you continue to have her as your MOH--she will ruin this entire process for you. just fast forward to your shower or Bach. Party---i bet she will find a way to spoil that for you too.

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Posted by bethnsul2000

Grrrrr...you gotta love people who just want to make problems

I would go off on her if that was me...but then again, I kicked my maid of honor out of the bridal party...i am a little bold at times.

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That IS BOLD! :) Unfortunately for me, she's family so I would never hear the end of it once my family found out what I did... *sigh*

Id be so mad.

Anyway you know what if you dont want kids to come, dont have them! Its not too late. Im sure invites have not gone out. Think of the money you would save and your sanity the day of.

I ONLY had the children who were in my bridal party there and even those 3 were running around like little rascals.

I would just NOT listen to her at all. She had her chance to plan HER wedding, This is YOURS.

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Posted by Tracy&Brian

were you wearing your 'ceremonial robe' when you typed this?

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i was thinking the same thing!

But on a more serious note, i'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. This is supposed to be a fun and exciting time and no bride should have to deal with someone like that PERIOD, not to mention someone from their BP. If I was in your situation, I would not include her in my decisions, and if she continues the attitude, I would ask her to step down. A MOH and BM's are supposed to be their for support and guidance in planning and celebrating the wedding...not causing grief for the bride.

Always remember...us cult members are here for you!

There is a difference in giving an opion or some advice versus repeatedly asking you why you arent doing something until you cave in. That is wrong in so many ways.
If you cant remove her, you need to have an honest heart to heart and tell her that her opinions are welcome, but her incesant bullying is not.

go with your gut if this is bothering you so much tell her.
and if things still dont go well then boot her out. i wish i made that decision with one of my bridesmaids that was causing drama and distancing herself from me.She wasnt excited for me or my wedding. she wasnt even excited for her own wedding. now we are no longer friends.

again go with your gut!

I'll just refrain from talking to my MOH until after making all my decisions. No sense in anymore confrontations and having to hear from my family that I'm 'demanding' when I just happen to have a backbone. :P

Thanks for all the support ladies! I feel so fortunate to have found this forum, and this beats having a wedding planner or the best bridesmaid in the world!

Stop this insanity right now. It's not her wedding and just because she did it doesn't make it right.

She needs to know that her advice is appreciated but it's not her wedding and you are a big girl and can make decisions all on your own with suggestions from various sources (like us).

Just ridiculous.

1. well, if it is, considered me high up in the heirarchy.

2. who gives a flip who you use???? i say that if you want to dress as a clown and where those LOOOOOONG red shoes, go for it...IT'S YOUR WEDDING.

3. i don't think it's any bride's responsibility to pay for this...yes, i paid for one BM's dress b/c i asked her last minute AND because the $100 would've meant no/less xmas for her kids....i am not taking food/gifts away from 2 precious kids

4. again, it's YOUR wedding. we are NOT having a ring bearer because a-we don't really have someone age-appropriate and b-i don't want one. (we are having an incredibly awesome ring pillow made though)

5. good for her friend. someone needs to stand up to her.


6. (there was no '6' i am adding it.) i am positive you will look amazing and so will they, that everyone else will think, wow, she paid for us...how sweet. next time she starts yapping --->

I am also having some issues with my MOH. I regret picking her at times. This is a tough one I am not sure what to do. Just stick to your guns with you decisions. Its you wedding and your day!!